kdlts9-9

kids don't like to share #9

if i died tomorrow would anybody notice.
if you are reading this then you know what happened. we all that one day this would end. don't ever blame yourself for what i've done. as i am writing this i gaze at my first glimpes of the sun. i am sitting here where we first met. under the orange filled horizon and the fading moon that has finally set. under the disappearing stars that filled the blackened sky. with the smell of a new beginning i can finally see why. why this day was my last day on earth. why i knew this is the only way to brake this curse. why this was my last sunrise forever. why this day will finally be the day i will see her. i tried walking around for days. but i found out that there is no other way. i tried to find a way out of this mess. but by giving up today i will finally get rid of these regrets. there is no turning back. being without you is what my life lacked. there will never be a second chance. living for tomorrow i will never get my final dance. my last hope of feeling safe in your hands. my last chance for you to understand. my last reason for waking up alive. because the day died is the day i died. i can never take back what i've done. because the day you died my soul went along. for this day i will finally be with you. because the day you died my heart died too.

the girl in the strung out video cemetery.
an angel trapped in a city with no meaning. lost on streets that only head right back here. you know every crack in the sidewalk before you ever step on them. you know every darkened street by a series of heartaches and disappointments. it reminds you everyday if you don't leave right now why you may never get another chance after this once in a lifetime chance takes place. the beginning and end for many already is starting to take it's toll on many of the dreary faces on the streets tonight. it shoots you in like junkies on the corners of every one way street. thesame road you travelled down a thousand times before. do you really want to go down this street again. you already know where it will take you. you already know what is waiting for you at the end of the street. walk with wings on your back take the first ride out of this godforsaken town. this is the only way you will survive. leave this place as fast as you can. because if you don't leave right now. you'll never leave this place alive. you'll be stuck here with the rest of themand you know that this a place you don't want to be in. this is a place that will kill you from the inside out. leave, leave right now. before you never get another chance.

the realization.
the realization is becoming to real that i can't feel you anymore. before i was picturing you in my dreams as it seems that this is the closest i will get to holding you tonight. lights go dim then dark as it sparks another thought of death. i'll bet that i'll let my last breath breathe in the taste of exhausting relief. beliefs aren't set in slate as it relates to life one chooses to live. forgive me this night i plight to the sight of your smile that i have almost forgotten. often i wonder when i hear this thunder are you hearing this falling rain as well. impel me to overpower this coward that is staring daggers into my mind. maligned with thoughts of hope that makes me mope with this apathetic visions of this lamentation towards this devaluaton of this realization.

where would i be today.
with the way you looked at me i never felt the way i feel right now. i tried so many times to brush this off as nothing, when everything in my heart says this is real. i was too scared to try. i was too scared i might say something stupid. but in the end i was just afraid to say anything at all. i lacked the confidence my whole entire life. i am scared of everything. i want to say everything but i can't. i don't know what is wrong with me. i want to move past this wave and a smile. but now i won't have a chance to. i want to tell you how i feel about you. i want to tell you that you make me smile. and not those fake plastic smiles that means nothing. this smile actually means i am happy. something that i want in my life and that is to be happy. you make me try. you make me feel alive. you make my heart beat faster. your eyes reel me in so close i never want to let go. your smile takes me to a place where killing myself is a bad idea. every emotion that was never used is starting to show signs of life. you make me want to wake up every morning smiling. you make me fall asleep in love. but then i still wake up alone and think what if i said hello instead of saying nothing at all. where would i be today.