| kids don't like to share #9 |
| unending pain. sorrow and sadness fills my empty head. three hours go by since i first found out you were dead. time clicks by as if it never stopped. time stands still in my mind as my knees give in and i drop. falling to the ground as i end up in tears. thinking of memories that happened over the years. flashes of moments that i could now look back on. knowing that i will never get new memories since you are now gone. looking in the mirror at myself with disgust and hate. blaming myself for everything i can no longer erase. taking back a word is something i can never do anymore. hating myself even more now than ever before. i say i am sorry to the sky above me. it is for your ears only as i hope you will see. i hope you are able to hear and forgive. because right now it is way too hard for me to live. with this guilt that resides in my heart and my head. i hope you will forgive me with the words that i said. our last conversation ended in such a way i can't bare to live today. it makes me mad at myself to end our friendship this way. we went our seperate ways after this fight. since you died i can no longer sleep at night. years of friendship washed down the drain. as only i can now live with this unending pain.as the last time i saw you alive was the way i didn't want this to end. as i can only replay the last day of us being friends. words and fists came out of anger that i didn't mean to say or do. our last moment together was you said "goodbye" and my reply was "i hate you". front row seat to the end of the world. here we stand at the end of the street. this is where today and tomorrow will meet. we scream from the top of our lungs. as we can only hear the sickening sounds of guns and bombs. old buildings crumble before our eyes. it makes us glad that we are still alive. flames a hundred feet high and smoke all around. as concrete giants and steel framework fall to the ground. as the rumble of the earth comes from below our shoes. as tomorrow will be filled with nothing to do. only to stand again, start at the ending of this night. tonight will be one of those nights we will remember for the rest of our lives. as the smoke starts to settle from only afar. as we stopped catching dreams in old mason jars. the glass jars of our minds. the one last thing for us to go back in time. with the thoughts of our future when we were just kids. only just dreams of our lives of what we did. what we tried to accomplish of our last days together. knowing what brought us together is only a blur. an unfocused picture we can't make out. an ending to a story we know nothing about. a punchline to a joke that we never got. an ending to many innocent lives that we only just lost. i hope in time we will all undertand. as the night is almost over here we stand. breathing in tomorrows morning's air. it was me and you standing in this crowded room. for the first time i saw you smile i knew you were my doom. you looked at me and i looked away. my eyes find the ground like it did a thousand times before this day. unlike the rest i never knew that this was the day that was going to end my life. with the last sight of you i knew i could never look back tonight. i'm more invisible in this miserable life that i live in. giving up and growing up in a way i knew i could never win. every promise i made gave me insight just before i turned off the lights. every lost hope this night makes me cope with the thought of losing the fight. because you're ruining all my favorite things. you're haunting all my favorite dreams. you're destroying my world from underneath my feet. you're killing my life everytime i feel defeat. the sight of you wrecks my perfect day. the thought of you sickens me in every single way. your smile makes me want to overdose on pills. your face makes me want to choke out all my will. my will to wake up and breathe in tomorrows morning air. my will to fall asleep without a single care. you make me fade away into a dark world filled with everything but you. you make me have more death filled thoughts that i just don't know what to do. everytime i breathe in deep you make me lose one minute of sleep. everytime i cry i wonder why all your promises you could never keep. every mistake i make for the sake of falling in love. makes me break every rule that i thought was true from up above. that i have fallen into a dark filled earth covered in lies. and that i die a little each time i look into your eyes. |
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