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| kids don't like to share #9 |
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| awkward moments with brief conversation. the silence between the conversation seems to last longer everytime we talk. as we walk we hardly ever hold hands like we used to. we go through the motions more than ever these days. in so many ways we try to stay out of eachothers way and now it seems we've been doing this for way too long. the song we both shared one time in our life. makes me lose sight everynight that we are fading away. today the song we shared makes me cringe at the very sound of it. the sickening sick of this song makes me wonder why we chosed it in the first place. your face has been so distorded to my sight right now. that somehow i lost the feeling that i had when we first started this. i miss the endless nights of conversation and alcohol. i fall to my knees as it seems we gave up a long time ago. we both know that it started to fall when i said "i love you" and you said nothing at all. i call out to the silence of our start. our hearts has an absent feeling today. that this day is our wake up call to start and talk before we both realize we have nothing to say. and when that day eventually comes we will both finally know it is too late to say anything at all. exhaling smoke. hold my breath so deep it keeps me safe. it hides me in a place where no one knows. as i grow i seem to lose myself in every exhale. my blood turns stale as i feel like i am fading into nothing. i sing a song of pain and apathy as you are only meant to hear. i fear you haven't heard a single word i've said. in my head between myself and you there is much room that i can't even see you. what should i do when i can't seem to let you go. i know in my heart i should let you go but i can't seem to forget. please let me leave with a happy ending tonight. i try to fight there feeling when i see you walk by. but i freeze up and turn cold. i know every step i make i step further away. and eventually one day i will step way too far that i can't turn back. it's a fact that i can't seem to talk to an angel like like you when all me emotions are devoted on hurting myself. i cry for help to the sky above as smoke comes out of every exhale. i feel like i fail myself everytime i breathe out. so close. close your eyes for a second and picture this. everything i ever wanted is standing three feet away from me. and yet i'm still standing in the corner. so close, close enough to hear her laugh, to see her smile, to feel her presence at the tip of your finger tips. close your eyes and take a deep breath.breathe in and breathe out. picture her in your head. say what you want to say over and over in your head. just to get everything perfect. you can see every inch of her. your dreams never came so close. a life that you want to live for iw waiting. just begging you to begin. try to grasp onto anything that is willing to grasp you back. arms extended, heart pounding a million miles an hour, a perfect line to begin your new life. three feet away becomes two and a half. breathing out smoke and loving every taste of it. palms sweating gets wiped on your pant leg. nervousness becomes excitment. apathy becomes distant. fear is not in your head. one step closer to happiness. the moment is almost here. you feel it in the pit of your stomach. the bottom of your heart. the voice in you head tells you everything will be fine. one step closer to a dream that finally comes true. a dream you dreamed of a thousand lonely nights in your head will be dreamed no more. a second away from your angel in black, the goddess of your life, the girl of your dreams. then he shows up and ruins it. heart turns black and now you can't stand to even see her anymore and thats the way i feel right now. |