| kids don't like to share #9 |
the people i call friends. i'm closer to the edge from five minutes ago. wind in my face as i glance down to what waits below. clouds all around as a plane flies by. it seems i could touch heaven if i just tried. i replay what i want to happen in my mind. it seems in my head i could stop time. and rewind what just happened seconds before. and just walk away as my body hits the concrete floor. i skip back in time as i am falling to the ground. i thank gravity as it helps pull my body down. as i move closer to the earth as i fall through the air. in my mind i wonder if i died today would anyone notice or bother to care. if i kept falling would anybody look up and wonder. as my body falls like lightning and my screams sound like thunder. would people still go on and walk over my bloody mess as if i wasn't there. if i died would this busy world stop and wonder why i wasn't here. i think they wouldn't notice i was even gone today. but the people i call friends would notice i faded away. these friends that make me feel like i belong. would notice if i was gone. they are the only ones that don't want to see me dead. as my crying eyes open i take one step backwards off the edge. waking up today in my mind. waking up today and still being alive. bleed like you mean it. blood falls from your wounds with a sense of meaning. a feeling that you get after some kind of purpose. i guess you'll never know until you try it for yourself. help that you never got or ever needed. bleeded for the first time in your life tonight. the sight of red blood fills your heart with a satisfaction you can't get anywhere else. self inflicted i guess you just needed a sign to show yourself that you still feel. will you show the world your scars or hide it far away like everyone else does. was it all meaningful to have finally had a feeling of believing that it is all worth it. hit it again so the pain becomes less painful for you. do what you will the accomplishment is in your hands. understand that you have all the power you will ever need. feed the fire or let it burn out. doubts in your mind is what keeps those flames burning high. try to try or let the flames fill your lungs with smoke until you need the blood more than it needs you. do what you will bleed like only you can. comprehend that in the end only you can make that decision. vision your life right now if it's not the life that you want then bleed like you mean it. saying goodbye. the end is near for me. my eyes are to blind to see. my feet are to heavy to walk. my vocal chords got ripped out so i can't talk. my hands still shake to this very day. the scars on my arm wont go away. freshly opened cuts bleed me dry. no emotion inside so i can't cry. my mind is to distorted to even comprehend. my legs are to weak so i can't stand. my lungs are to black to breathe fresh air. my heart ripped from my chest so i can't care. my viens are dried out and my blood turned black. my body is decomposing as there is no turning back. my ears are clogged with dry blood so i can't hear. my life is too messed up as i slowly disappear. my five senses don't work so it's useless to me. if i can taste than i can't see. if i can hear than i can't smell. if i can't feel than i am in hell. the beauty is in the eye of the beholder is what they say. but when you can't bare to see this person each and everyday. when you have a place in your heart for this special girl. but she is with another and it is fucking up your world. when you look in her direction and it feels like your're rotting away. when you dream of her and it feels like it's killing you today. when you try to look at her and it's burning your eyes. you now know it is time to say goodbye. |
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