kdlts9

kids don't like to share #9

stay where you are.
where have you been. i hope you stay there. i don't want to see your face. i don't really want to care. i don't want to see the smile that kills me everytime i breathe. i know its too late. i was acting like a fool. i once wanted to be your everything. now i want nothing to do with you. it hurts my face too much to smile at you anyway. before i used to. i wanted to see you everyday. now i am happier only when. the memory of you fades away. the love i had in my heart slowly turns black. the night comforts me. it holds me in it's grasp. it points me to the future. leaving the hurt that came with you in the past. the hurt that i wanted in my life a long time ago. i'm moving on. i'm finally getting some sleep. the dreams i have of you. as the visions in my nightmares make me feel weak. everynight i don't dream of you i wake up feeling more alive. time is all i have. time is all i really need. as time goes by. i will bleed out your smile for everyone to see. hurting myself before the hurt you gave me hurts too much. one of these days. i'll eventually forget what you made me do. i'll wake up the next morning. with nothing left to prove to you. i'll go to sleep with a goodbye as i wake up with a smile as i finally got a good night sleep.

in the matter of minutes.
in the matter of minutes i will have to make a choice. to keep quiet or to use my voice. something that has been holding me down for way too long. i will have to be strong or i will die tonight. living in a world filled with my own disappointments is a world i can't bare to stand. i will have to understand and try to realize that everytime i keep quite i die a little each time. in my mind the scars are a haunting sight of what will end my life. fighting for my life is the only fight i'm scared to fight as apathy has grown on me. it keeps me warm, it comforts me more than any other as i can't escape it's deadly poison. that i can't even imagine one day without it in my life. i will have to believe in myself for the first time in my twenty four year old life. but where do i start when all my hurtful heartaches seems to be holding me down. i start to drown in emotion that has never been seen by the rest of the world. i am curled up in a ball on the concrete floor destroying myself even more than keeping quiet. i feel it as my head is slicing up a new scar. i feel the stars circling around my mind as i slowly feel like i am heading toward my inevitable fall. reaching out to anything worth reaching out for, as my arms are way too short to grasp onto anything worth holding onto. is this my fault or is it my disorder, as i get older i feel i am getting weaker. as i seek to find a glimmer of hope as i can't cope with yelling out for help, as i try to scream it seems my voice is to weak for anyone to hear me. what will my answer be right now, because in the matter of minutes i will have to make a choice.

forgetful me.
words wont ever work as nothing ever will. wasting away my life with all this time to kill. ending in a way that i want more than ever. you're in my way now and forever. you blocked me in trapped and lost. breathing out your memories will be the cost. i'll drink until i forget is the only way to go. forgeting you ever existed is the only way i know. moving on never looking back at you. this is the way i'll succeed to never think of us two. you brought me hurt and pain and depression. but it wasn't my fault i found out after this realization. you made me dead inside from wasting my life on your smile. i now find it disgusting for every passing mile. that i wondered off and thought of your face. i want you to be dead to me is my only case. i want to never have had the oppurtunity to see you that day. i want every memory of you to vanish today. forever never ever thinking of you will be my day to breathe. for today might be the that day i can have my release. and walk straight through this door. never to see your hurtful smile is what i'm hoping for. the day i forget you completely is the day i'll win. waking up tomorrow and realizing i never have to see you again. with nothing in my life reminding me of your hurting doubts. is the day that i can breathe in then follow it with me finally having a chance to breathe out.