kdlts8-8

kids don't like to share #8

disappoinment already knows who i am.
whatever i do, where ever i go. it always seems to know. when i am hiding in plain sight, in flight toward the comfort of the night. trying anything to just get home. on my own, where i can be alone. not letting anyone down. not wanting to be found. by you or anyother peson that knows about me. but you always know where i am going before i get there. anywhere i am you already know where i've been, what i've seen. how to reach me when no other can. i can't seem to understand why you're always here. where i am, like i want to be found only by you. you want to prove to me that we belong together, like we can never be seperated. where ever i am fading off to, you're always two steps behind. trying to find anything that will bring us together. whether or not i want you to near or far away. you always find a way to stay for another day. you know we will always belong. as long as i can see myself look toward my feet at defeat. i will always know where to find you and you will always know where to find me.

sitting on a curb.
it was around 10:00am on friday. i was driving to my next stop and to my surprise who did i see. it was you again. after only a month or so, you were there. sitting on the curb, with a white t-shirt, jeans, converse shoes, a pierce lip and now red hair. well the front part anyway. you were lighting up a cigarette. looking as beautiful as ever. but also looking lonely as ever. you were sitting on the curb by yourself, all alone. i wish i was sitting next to you. so maybe you wouldn't have to be alone. as i was driving right pass you. it seemed like i was driving in slow motion. maybe like the world slowed down for a second as i drove by you. as i was looking through my van window, i saw you. and i wished for a second you would of looked up, to see me. i guess you were to busy to have noticed me. for a couple of hours after i saw you my heart was still pounding. my hands were still shaking. i was nervous, i was a total wreck. i was happy again. i couldn't think straight. instead of thinking of my job, i was thinking of you. i wish i could tell you what you were doing to me. what you are still doing to me. as all this time has passed by. i wonder do you still think of me. hopefully as much as i think of you. i thought about you everyday, every second of my life since i saw you. do you think of me at all anymore. do you still know that i exist. do you still know that i am out here waiting for you. are you also out there waiting for me. when will day come for the both of us. so we can both stop waiting and get on with our lives. i saw you today, friday, oct. 25th, 2002 for the first time in a month. and i hope another doesn't have too pass by for me to see you again.

someday juliet.
i tried so hard to hold on, but by the time i got there you were already gone. you packed your bags, wrote a note, then left. somehow deep down, i knew it was for the best. the notes been read. and this is all it said. "heading west, hoping for the best. sometimes the only way to live, is giving up on what i did. i hope you know, the only way i can grow, with everything i loved in my life, it meant to just let everything go. even though we aren't together today. in my heart you will always stay. this is not your fault so don't be sad, i know in time you will understand". deep down i knew someday you would leave, but i never thought this day could change me. from who i was to who i am today, my life seems to have slown down since you moved away. it's for the best i guess, our time i will never forget or ever regret the time we spent together. whether happy or sad it has always been better, better than spending our lives alone. locked up and left out on our own. my life seems to be out of place so much. i guess this is growing up. sometimes good things must die for both of us to start to try. by trying to live up to the standards we were meant to become in our very lives. we both changed for the sake of feeling alive. in time i will see, sometimes becoming who we want to be, means leaving everyone and everything we once was. and even breaking a heart and sacraficing the things we truly love.

fall apart.
as i count the seconds away i seem to lose myself even more. i feel lost in a world i call my own. i'm trapped in a place where i can't hide. the walls are closing in and the room is getting dark. images of nothing appears, blocking the very same memorable moments i held so high. it's like it means everything and it means nothing all at the same time. and even if it seems so clear. everything seems to vanish as i fall apart once more.