Chapter

Kevin was startled out of his daydream by the group's stylist, Dania.

"Kevin! Up..up...let's go. You want your hair done or not? I need time to get to everyone else."

"Wh..wha.....oh, damn you scared me! Yeah..let's get this done with now. I don't want you going crazy trying to finish everyone before it gets too late."

"How kind of you Kevin...I just wish you'd have thought of the time when you left me sitting and waiting for you.....but, enough of that....move it over here."

With that said, Kevin pulled himself up off the couch...stretched his arms over his head...shook out the stiffness in his knee..and sauntered over to the chair where Dania was waiting for him.

Thus began the nightly ritual of braiding Kevin's hair for the show. Kevin's long hair was not a problem during the winter months, but it had proved to be somewhat annoying in the extreme heat, even when they performed at an indoor venue with air conditioning. The cornrows were actually AJ's idea. He'd had them before, and knew that they could really alleviate some of the heat, but AJ never did like how they looked on him. He was shocked when Kevin went along with his suggestion, and even more shocked at how well they looked on him! Cornrows were the perfect compliment to Kevin's chiseled features, and if it was possible, they served to accent his eyes even more. But, it was a long process and one that made Kevin very impatient. There were times he would leave them in for days. They had three shows in this city, and this would definitely be one of those times.

When his cornrows were done, Dania went to work on his makeup knowing that wouldn't take long, as he wore very little stage makeup. Kevin kept his knee wrapped with ice. There was about two hours until they were due to go onstage, and the pre-show jitters had already begun to set in. It didn't matter how often or for how long the guys did this, someone always came down with a case of the jitters before a show. Kevin chuckled to himself as he thought of Brian. Poor guy .. he always had the jitters before a show. AJ...never. Kevin smiled as he thought of AJ. He was a guy who relished his time in the spotlight. But, Kevin was fearful that AJ couldn't always seperate AJ and Alex. AJ had started to take over Alex, and Kevin could see nothing but problems arising down the road.

"There ya go you poor man...all done", Dania said, as she patted the top of his head, "its such a difficult job I have...lord knows..trying to make YOU look good gets really tiring!"

Kevin arose from the chair and said, "yeah..don't I know it. Not much to work with is there?"

Dania was taken aback by the tone in Kevin's voice. She always teased him about working so hard to get him to look good. God knows she didn't mean it. She had always admired Kevin's physical beauty. In truth, the man needed nothing to make him look good. He made everything around him look good.

"Kevin, I'm sorry....you know I was teasing...like I do every night...right?"

"Huh...what...yeah....I'm sorry Dania....I'm feelin' a little sorry for myself....my mind's doing too much thinkin'...ya know? Yesterday was NOT a good day.....", Kevin said as he hung from his waist...reaching for his toes.

Kevin stretched out his back muscles while Dania watched and struggled for something to say. Everyone knew what had happened yesterday, and she really didn't know if she should bring it up now or not....plus Kevin seemed to be wound pretty tight and certainly didn't need her to wind him up any tighter.

"Kevin....I'm really sorry about what happened...and I'm not going to pass judgement at all....but, just remember...you're better than her. Don't let this get in your way...don't let this change the man you are...you ARE a good man. Hell, if I didn't love my husband....what's his name...I'd be all over you," she said with a chuckle. "You're funny, handsome, kind...loving..and need I say...incredibly sexy...just try to put it behind you. Search your heart, Kevin...you may see inside there that Trish really didn't have that much of it anyway. You're not a stupid man. I think you were just in love with the idea of being in love....of getting married...having kids...becoming the man your father was......" Dania looked into Kevin's eyes, hoping she had not overstepped her position.

She should have known better............

Kevin looked up at her with moist eyes....one tear escaped and rolled down his cheek.

"Damn! Why do I have to cry all the time...why does every sappy thing make me cry?? And, God knows .. just mention my daddy and I cry.........", he said, while wiping the tear and shaking his head.

"Listen to me, handsome....get yourself changed....while you're doing that....search your heart. Get up on stage...sing ...and when you're singing a love song...search your heart again. I think you might be surprised by what you find in there. Now stop this...and let me get out of here. AJ will never forgive us if YOU made me late for HIS hair!"

Kevin had reached over to Dania and gave her one of his famous hugs.

"Thank you....and ya know what? I'll do exactly what you said....I think I need to know what my heart is really feeling......and as you said....get going.....AJ can't have a bad hair day because of us...then again...who ever sees his hair onstage. WAIT...you mean to tell me he needs you to do his hair...just so he can cover it with a do-rag?!?!? Oh..that's good.....", Kevin said, as he started to laugh. A nice hearty laugh that was what Dania had been hoping to hear.

"Now move it mister.....get changed....and kick ass tonight, ok?"

Kevin backed up...saluted her and said...."YES MA'AM!! I'm changing......I'm kicking ass!! Gotcha!" He then gave her a smile that warmed her heart. "Now let me get naked by myself please...unless you WANT to watch," he said as he wiggled his eyebrows at her.

"Oh god........get me out of here........", she giggled as she opened the door and stared to walk out, "have a good show, Kevin. And, believe me...I can't watch...not that it wouldn't be a nice sight to see...but, remember.....AJ???? I'm outta here....be happy Kevin...that's all everyone wants for you", and she closed the door behind her.

"Be happy," he said as he contemplated what Dania had told him. "Search your heart Kev.....hmmm...maybe Dania's right. Maybe I would be surprised at what I find in there......"

Kevin pulled on his leather pants, his shirt.....feeling the familiar adrenaline rush start to take over his body. "Search my heart.....", he repeated as he grabbed his leather trench coat, "my heart....."

With one final look in the mirror, Kevin saw a somewhat familiar face looking back at him. For the first time in days....he was starting to see himself again. Maybe he would be alright after all.

As he opened the door to walk out...he paused...took a deep breath...and said......."search your heart ....find out what's still there ... and find out what's gone ....look for yourself again, Kevin...." And, at that moment, he knew....he just knew that for him...life would never be the same...and a song that was near and dear to his heart....could be responsible for changing his life....again. A song that, in his heart, he always sang for his father. He would sing it for his father but, tonight he would sing it for himself, too.