Taking over the world plot one:
I have reason to believe that Sully is infact the leader of a large group of cats who call themselves "Prrrrrrfect evil" I have uncovered their latest plot which is to us hypnosis to take control of thier owners. Have you ever noiced that when you go chasing after them, maddened by the fact that they've just chewed up you favorite shoes or ripped up your wall paper, that all they have to do is look at you with those gorgous kitty eyes and all is forgotten? Well it isn't just their kitty charms which does that. Oh no really they're using hypnosis and once you're under control they'll make you go out and buy them treats and toys and generally just pamper them. This has to stop! You really think the war looming with Iraq is to do with Sadam? I have intelligence that it is infact to do with a long hostility between Sadam and Bush's cats and that both are infact being controlled. Oh yes, it's a small step from treats and toys to guns and nuclear war. I'll write more on this very dangerous plot as it is uncovered but for now, beware the eyes!
Well, since I had nothing else to do today, I thought I'd try and remove forever the fear of "prrrrfect evil" (My housemate's cat's secret organisation, for those who haven't read my last entry.) I thought the best way of taking down such a terrifying and manipulative organisation was by taking out thier leader. This however proved to much harder than I had expected.
Attempt one: Flush Sully down toilet.
Was a great idea only due to his over fondness for treats he was to fat to go down. Damn! I'll have to find another way.
Attempt two: Throw Sully off Middlesbrough tower.
Oh yes! I threw him off nice and far and watched him drop but wait! Are parachutes really standered issue in prrrrfect evil? Must be because he opened his and landed safely. Damn it! I won't be outsmarted! I will bring them down!
Attempt three: Hehe trap Sully in washing machine.
Also seemed to work well at first but wait, where did he get the scuba diving equipment? Now that's not fair! How could I know he would be this prepared. Hmmmmmm I best leave it for now I'll try to kill him again another time but do not fear! I will not let prrrrfect evil take over the world and turn us all into slaves in thier empire. I will defeat them!
Today I descovered another plot being undertaken by prrrrfect evil and of course I had to stop it at once. Here is the mission brief. By the way I am now recruiting more agents to help me rid the world of prrrrfect evil. If you would like to join please email me.
Plot two: Taking over fresh cream factory.
Oh yes prrrrfect evil is at it again. This time thier evil plot is the forming of thier new headquarters in a fresh cream factory. Oh yes they plan to eat all the cream themselves, while plotting to take over the world. Oh yes, what could they do more evil than devoring middlesbroughs entire produce of cream? What now can we put on our pudding? But don't worry because stealthily possing as a member of prrrrfect evil (the costume was a tight fit.) I followed Sully to his secret hide out. there I saw all sorts of plans being hatched but before I hear the details I was discovered. Damn! I never though the fact that I was five foot bigger would be noticed so quickly. All was not lost however, as while I was being chased out by Sully's vicous guards, I managed to jam something into the machinary and boom up the place went! Haha Sully now who's winning!
Saturday cool it's the weekend. Still there's no rest for ridding the world of prrrrfect evil. Oh yes I'm back with avengence and some more ideas on how to kill the leader Sully.
Attempt four: Hide explosives in his food.
Yep, I've hid some C4 in his food and am ready to detonate. There's no where to hide this time Sully! Hehehe! I hit the switch and boom! oh yes I must have got him this time! Now the bang sounded like it came from upstairs. I'll go investigate. Ah! no! he spat a fire ball out his mouth and blasted half my room to bits! That's it Sully this means war!
