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14th May 2002

11.30pm. The length of this hair irritates me so. Word processors with no spell and grammar check also irritate me. So as wet drippy hair…flops…er wet and drippy on me back, I sit and once again unleash my strings of complain.

Oh and btw, port is good. And Marly, I couldn’t resist the port…

Drowsiness once again blankets me like it has been the whole day. Would’ve had a caffeine fix but our fellow spine with the tantrum threw a big one at me this morning.

 

And in my hour of darkness

She is standing right in front me

Words of wisdom

Let it be

Let it be

Whisper words of wisdom

Let it be

 

Nightmare returns to haunt me. Mum says to sell all my stuff back in Cardiff cuz I’ll never ever return. She says my dad’s gonna quit his job working outside and come back. Will I give in to not going back to uni? No. so what are you gonna do then smarty pants? I don’t fucking know.

Hardheaded mules prolly have never met me. Can so much stubbornness be good? Is it possible to convert it to determination (politically positive)? Or more like a source of motivation? But if it goes sour… won’t it be egoistic then?

Confused and tired. And somehow in the inmense confusion, pain of the physical sort pierces thru my back without mercy. Why is it at times like these, spiny decides to hit me hard, like a back stabbing bitch.

Even port taste sour at times like these… or maybe it’s just off.

Oh will you just let me be a drama queen today!?

How much of this can I stand?

I’m not sure.

 

Insomnia haunts me once again and once again alcohol dependant sleep seems the only solution. And as if my sudden weight gain isn’t scary enough. Bet none of you would even dreaaaamed of the day  I’d budge from the 45kg mark. Well I have.. and now I’m a healthy… er leaning chubster 49kg. Ok ok I’m not turning aneroxic. Just want to make sure me iz gonna stay lean…

Ok… snoozage time.

 

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