Movie Archives

Movie Archives 2....

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On DVD

Brokeback Mountain, starring Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal. Basic love story, nothing out of the ordinary other than gender, which has no affect on me. Lovely scenery and good cowboy acting.

Mission Impossible 1&2, starring Tom Cruise, some woman, and a foreign bad guy. I really like these movies as far as action goes. I can tolerate Tom's presence for MI. I prefer the second over the first for it's villians but they are both good fun to watch.

The Ice Harvest, starring John Cusak and Billy Bob Thorton. Supposedly takes place in Wichita but it never rains that much in Wichita. It's kind of funny, and kinda twisted. It was watchable but forgettable.

Johnny English, starring Rowan Atkinson, John Malkovich and Natalie Imbruglia. English secret agent thwarts villanous Frenchman, basic Mr. Bean humor (with speaking), quite entertaining.

Capote, starring Phillip Seymour Hoffman and Catherine Keener. Phillip has certainly earned his Academy Award. Phillip is nowhere to be seen in this film, there is only Capote. Every single thing he does is Capote. Phillip is what acting is all about. There are several other good performances in this film, but he outdoes them all. They are all secondary to begin with. The main "villain" is quite good as well. This will make you want to read the book (In Cold Blood); it's an all around excellent film.

A History of Violence, starring Viggo Mortensen, Maria Bello, Ed Harris and William Hurt. William Hurt is really the only reason to see this movie. (And we all know how much I like Viggo.) I've been informed recently that this movie was apparently SUPPOSED to suck--you know like their hidden jab at violent movies or something. How you are supposed to know that I do not know, I think it's a good way to get around saying that your movie should and could have been really good but it sucked like a Hoover. Supremely disappointing. (There seems to be a gender line here, the men like it and the women don't.) I had no problem with the violence myself, I thought the highschool acting performances by supposed "good" actors was more of a problem. Very sad. Not even Viggo helped here.

Everything is Illuminated, starring Elijah Wood. I really enjoyed this movie. The beginning is hillarious but it turns out quite serious and meaningful. I would recommend this to most anyone. The scenery is really lovely and it really takes you on the journey of the movie.

Strange Brew, starring Rick Moranis and Dave Thomas. Yes, I finally saw it, eh. It's hillarious and I need to buy it to put next to my Wayne's World set.

In Her Shoes, starring Toni Collette and Cameron Diaz. Better than I expected, a good "sisterly" movie. I'd recommend it for anyone who likes Cameron or Toni.

Bad Education, starring Gael Garc�a Bernal. Very good and excellent acting by all parties. Not for the homophobic-at-heart.

Kung Fu Hustle, starring a lot of Asians. I thought it was very funny but might not be for everyone. It's bizarre.

The Aristocrats, starring lots o' funny people. Sick and wrong and disgusting and hillarious and you can't stop watching. It's like watching a horrible train wreck and then wanting to watch it again.

Chumscrubber, starring Ralph Fiennes and lots of other people. Very cool, and very weird. I need to watch it a second time because there's something that I didn't catch all the way through the movie.

Scotland, P.A., starring Christopher Walken and based on Shakespeare's MacBeth. If that doesn't make you want to see it then I'm not sure what else I can tell you. It's a 70's version of McBeth with very twisted humor. I really liked it, you'll have to take your chances. It's the only movie Andy Dick has any right ever being in.

Rules of Attraction, starring James Van der Beek and others. Don't judge this movie by the cast (positively or negatively) because it won't do you any good. This is based on the book written by Bret Ellis, who also wrote American Psycho. The main character is actually supposed to be the little brother of the main character in American Psycho. It's a sex, drugs and Rock and Roll movie, slightly disturbing but I liked it. Not nearly as good as American Psycho (movie) but I want to read the book now.

Two Weeks Notice, starring Hugh Grant and Sandra Bullock. This was less lovey than I thought it was going to be and both Hugh and Sandra, as usual, were quite funny. I liked it more than I thought I would. I'd like to see it again.

Closer, starring Julia Roberts, Jude Law, Natalie Portman and Clive Owen. I thought this was a well made movie with too many plots and a waste of good acting. Watch it if you need to, but I'm not going to run out and buy it.

The Fog (new), starring no one I remember. Just as lame as the old one, but far more annoying. FOG! It's FOG!

Dude, Where's My Car?, starring Ashton Kutcher and that other guy. Quite funny actually. Not as annoying as I assumed it would be. If you like the pointless, silly humor I'd give this one a try. I could watch it again. (Once again, Andy Dick has found a purpose for about 2 minutes in this movie. It's weird I know.)

Dirty Pretty Things, starring Audrey Tautou (Amile) and Chiwetel Ejiofor (Love Actually). Pretty interesting movie, didn't fully make sense. That might have just been me though. Bad things happen to the nice people, but the nice people are pretty clever and mess with the bad people.

Must Love Dogs, starring Diane Lane and John Cusak. Very "chick movie". I liked it enough, it was fun. John Cusak was very funny but some of the cutsie parts made me want to hurl.

House of Wax (new), starring a bunch of stupid kids and Paris Hilton. I will tell you this first- Paris was NOT the worst actress in this movie and, in fact, may have been the best. Now with that said, it was watchable. The villians were very cool and I like the twist on the new movie that wasn't in the original. If you can find NOTHING else to watch this is kind of fun. You can at least yell at the STUPID characters and wish death upon them. I would recommend the original over this one for sure.

The Amityville Horror (new), starring Ryan Reynolds. I haven't seen the original yet, but I liked this one. It's very much like the Shining I thought. It's semi-lame but I was entertained. My bet is that the original is better. I was quite impressed with Ryan Reynolds' capability to be scarey and not just a jackass. He did well.

The Exorcism of Emily Rose, starring Tom Wilkinson and Laura Linney. (And whoever played Emily Rose). It's a "based on true events" exorcist story. It's not related to the original Exorcist, but it's quite creepy. I thought it was reasonably scarey and it's interesting if you find these things to be interesting.

Happy Endings, starring Lisa Kudrow, Jason Ritter, Tom Arnold and lots of other people. Once again, I thought this movie was quite good but I wouldn't recommend it to the general public. Not one I'm going to buy, but not one I'd refuse to watch again. Lisa Kudrow is just as good at being non-Phoebe. It's a rather twisted tale, several of them actually, but it's pretty interesting.

Bewitched, starring Nicole Kidman, Will Farrell, Michael Caine and Shirley Mcclaine. Much funnier than I thought it would be. It is not a remake of Bewitched the show, they went modernish. I thought it was fun and could be good for a Saturday night if you want something silly. It's Will afterall. He is always Will.

Naked, starring David Thewlis. Excellent movie, David is brilliant but I wouldn't recommend it to the general public. If I DO recommend it to you personally then you know there is the same thing wrong with us and I must like you.

Divorcing Jack, starring David Thewlis and Jason Isaacs. I liked this movie a lot, but I know a lot of people wouldn't like it or wouldn't get it. David is my hero and Jason is HOT.

Skeleton Key, starring Kate Hudson, and Peter Sarsgaard. Another good concept, Peter is always EXCELLENT, but Kate however is not. She could be worse, but the movie can't quite hold through the less than superb acting. Decent for a tiny thrill.

Alexander, starring Colin Ferrel and many other prettier fellas. Well...A for effort and attempted creativity. Not very good though. I'm not a big Colin fan, and he's not a good historical figure. By the way, Alexander was gay, it's addressed in the movie. Apparently some people find that offensive. Get over it.

Miss Congeniality 2, starring Sandra Bullock and some less important people whose names I don't know. If you liked the first one, you'll probably like this one. It's silly. If you have no sense of humor I wouldn't watch it, but there are several very funny, silly scenes. Their change from movie 1 plot to movie 2 plot is extremely weak, but it works and the rest is pretty amusing. Gracie gets very annoying for a while, but everyone learns something in the end.

What the (bleep) do we Know?, if you are into far out concepts and crazy ideas of how the universe functions then I'd certainly recommend this movie. I'd also recommend an alcoholic beverage of your choice if you have a hard time with the "there is no spoon" concept. It's sort of like the Matrix, but happier. It's like a documentary with a movie in the background. It's very cool to watch and I like the far out stuff. The crazy scientists are pretty fun too. I'd like to buy this one to add to the collection.

Bride and Prejudice, I highly recommend this film. Especially if you like musicals or "Baliwood" movies. It was directed by the same lady who directed Bend it Like Beckham (which I also recommend); it has the similar Indian feel to it. It's so much fun to watch and the colors are awesome! If you like very pretty Indian girls or very pretty Indian boys, then just watch it for that. We kept (sarchastically) commenting on what a shame it was that they had such ugly people wearing such ugly clothes in the movie. It's great stuff. You'll want to hop a plane to India first thing, I guarantee. Of course if you're a fan of Pride and Prejudice you'll get the story; from what I hear it's a good interpretation.

Sin City, starring a lot of cool people. (And not so cool people, but that's bound to happen.) I know some people wouldn't like this movie because it's extremely violent, but it's uniquely violent. Take that however you wish. It's like watching a comic in motion. The characters are very cool, but I'm still not sure how I feel about the movie as a whole. I like the story and I like the characters, but how it was presented is still open for interpretation by me. I'd still suggest watching it just for something you probably haven't seen much of before.

In Theatres

X-Men 3: The Last Stand, starring Patrick Stewart, Ian McKellan, Hugh Jackman, Halle Berry, Famke Janssen, Kelsey Grammar, and lots of other people. Awesome, just as good at the others, but with some cooler powers. Several surprises, and lots of new mutants. I wish they would have done more with some of them, but it was still excellent. I see on IMDB that there is a Magneto movie in the works, hopefully we'll have some good spin-offs to come.

Da Vinci Code, starring Tom Hanks, Paul Bettany, Audrey Tautou, Jean Reno, Alfred Molina, and Ian McKellan. Excellent cast, obviously. Very similar to National Treasure in that, treasure hunting with ancient clues, sort of way. I haven't read the book, and I've heard it's very much like the book and that things are different from the book....so do whatever you wish with that information. It was very predictable, but I liked it a lot. (Note: Paul Bettany did redeem himself from Firewall just as I said he would. He's brilliant.)

RV, starring Robin Williams and Jeff Daniels. Takes place partly in Colorado, so the scenery is nice. Uses all the basic, lower forms of humor--physical humor, ridiculous scenarios, and poo. It was funnier than I thought it was going to be and I'd watch it again for some of those hillarious bits.

MI:3, starring Tom Cruise, Phillip Seymour Hoffman, and a woman who looks suspiciously like Katie Holmes. Just as good as the first two, but Phillip of course is a superior bad guy. All around, well done.

Stick It, starring Jeff Bridges and a bunch of tiny gymnastics girls. It's a gymnastics movie and has everything you'd expect from one. It was quite fun to watch, and if you like gymnastics then you should enjoy it. It has some funny moments, and all the girls are pretty decent actors.

Silent Hill, starring Radha Mitchell, Sean Bean, Jodelle Ferland, and Laurie Holden. A self-inflicted nightmare that cost $5.75. A woman misplaces her daughter and all hell breaks loose, quite literally. Based on a video game that I've never heard of, doesn't matter though. I think this is the best, and most truly horrific horror film I've ever seen. I would not recommend seeing this film UNLESS you have ever said something along the lines of the following: "That is the most terrifying, disgusting, and disturbing thing I have ever seen.....that was awesome." If you've never said that and never will, do not go see this movie. From the other reviews I've seen it's either love it or hate it. I personally was thoroughly impressed. I just read that the majority of the madness is not actually CGI, it's real people. I assumed that it was almost all CGI. I have never seen creepier "creatures"; the editing is flawless; the visual affect and effects are incredibly functional; the music is awesome; and the acting is surprisingly good for this type of film. I wouldn't want to watch this all that often because of the simple fact that it's completly disturbing and overflowing with terrifying creatures and it gives me weird dreams, but it is extremely well done and I had several jaw-dropping moments and anyone who knows me all that well knows that that is a rare thing indeed.

The Wild, starring the voices of Kiefer Sutherland, Eddie Izzard, and many other fun people. This isn't a PURE ripoff of Madagascar because it was being made before Madagascar came out, but it's very similar. It's Finding Nemo, done Lion King style. The animation is far better than any of those others for some reason, and I think it's just about as funny as Madagascar. Eddie as the koala is, of course, the high point.

Take the Lead, starring Antonio Banderas. Excellent movie, with some mushy parts. It's a dance movie where everyone learns a little something in the end. The music is awesome, and the dancing is super fun. If you like watching people dance, you'd really enjoy this movie. It's like Dirty Dancing + Dangerous Minds, meets ballroom dancing.

Ice Age 2, same voices as before plus Queen Latifah and a couple of rodents. Just as funny as the first one, plus there's some fun scarey stuff in this one. Scrat is hillarious.

V for Vendetta, starring Natalie Portman and Hugo Weaving. Awesome. I saw it twice and I love it. Hugo Weaving is the coolest masked man ever. (Not including Batman. Obviously.) There's some cheesy moments, but the coolness makes up for those. I want to watch it again right now. (It's based on a graphic novel so it's supposed to look like a comic book movie...)

Final Destination 3, starring a bunch of teenagers. Really bloody and disgusting, and it was great fun. I hate that I paid to see it but it turned out to be worth it for the grossness and it's fun to laugh at stupid movie people. (I didn't see the first 2, it's not like there's a plot. Everyone dies in them.)

Firewall, unfortunately starring Paul Bettany and Harrison Ford. Worst ending ever. Most people know what I thought about this since I was in Entertainment Weekly! (It sucked, never see it.)

When a Stranger Calls, starring no one. Man, talk about a crappy movie. I knew going into it that it was going to be bad, but sometimes I'm just surprised. It was moderately scarey and the house in it is extremely cool. However, the acting is horrid. Beyond bad really. (The acting in Hostel was even far better than this; this is still better than that piece of excrement though.) Just don't watch this unless you are a 14 year-old girl or something. Then it might be good, I don't know. I was never as dumb as a lot of 14 year-old girls are.

Fun with Dick and Jane, starring Jim Carrey, Tea Leoni and Alec Baldwin. I thought this movie was hillarious, but I am a Jim Carrey fan to begin with. He uses his talent for the ridiculous quite well in this. I think people who have been laid off or fired or screwed by their gigantic corporation can appreciate this movie. It's not so far from ridiculous. If nothing else the last line is classic and the escape over the border almost made me wet my pants.

Last Holiday, starring Queen Latifah and LL Cool J. This was much better than I thought it was going to be. It's a chick flick to be sure but it's bearable for a guy. The characters in this were fun, they all serve their purpose well. It's a feel good sort of movie technically. I'd watch it again for the humor.

Hostel, starring no one worth mentioning. Don't go see this. It's the biggest piece of rubbish I have ever seen. I'm not a huge Quentin fan but I was greatly disappointed that he would put his name on something that so clearly sucked. I'm not sure when the second atrocity comes out. Oh yeah, it's already planned. (There were minor points of hillarity but they weren't really meant to be that way.)

The Chronicles of Narnia, starring mostly people you wouldn't know. On behalf of Narnia I will thank Harry Potter. They would not be making these movies had the Harry Potter movies not gone well. I guarantee it. It's a really great movie, very well done and quite like the book from what I remember. I would really like a talking lion. (Especially if he sounded like Liam Neeson.)

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire! Starring most of Britain. Excellent! Excellent! Excellent! I believe this is my new favorite Harry Potter. I never thought it would be so much like I imagined it. They leave a lot of book stuff out but they do it very well, and if I'M not complaining then it's acceptable. I love this director.

Rent, starring the people who are in Rent. Most of the original Broadway cast is there. I've never seen any other version of Rent so I can't compare, but I rather enjoyed this one. The music was fun, the actors were fun and it has a deeper point there.

Aeon Flux, starring Charlize Theron, Martin Csokis, and Johnny Lee Miller. Fun, but not a great movie. If you want to see Charlize in tiny outfits then I'm sure you'd enjoy it.