So I'm supposed to sum up myself in a little paragraph? Uh yeah, that's possible! (And suddenly I draw a blank so maybe it is!) I'm 21 years old. Female. I like long walks on the beach, candlelit dinners, being tied to the bed post, y'know, the usual. Really I'm just me. I'm hard to explain I guess. Depending on which version of me you know I'm many different things. Words I've heard to describe me: flirty, outgoing, shy, funny, sarcastic, sweet, bitchy, self-conscious, cocky, overemotional, stoic, insane, well-balanced, brilliant, dumb, generous, insanely jealous, kind, evil, manic, depressed, God complex, blunt, subtle, childlike, mature, optimistic, realistic, slacker, hard worker, silly, complex, an open book, daring, fearful, subdued, gregarious, self-depricating, self-absorbed, egotistical, loving, supportive, picky, rowdy, honest, frustrating, callous, tough, softy, arrogant, insecure, slutty, innocent, touchy, perfectionist, sketchy, etc., etc. Wow, you really feel like you know me now, eh? I'm all of those things at times. Mostly it depends on what context you know me in. I am basically the same person in any group, but which facets I choose to show vary greatly. My boyfriend of 4 years, Dave, would call me shy. People from work would look at him like he's insane. (Which for the record he is!) I am a complex person who very few people know well. I allow you to see what I want you to see, the rest I keep hidden away. I guess I'd be more open with who I am to more people if I knew myself who I am. It's a changing thing with me. I'll figure it out someday.
Then comes photography. I hope that someday I will be able to do this for a living. It won't be easy and I guess that's what I'm scared of. I have very little faith in myself and that's why I am not pursuing this right now. But you can tell by my endless amounts of photo albums and portfolios that this is a passion for me. Someday I'll take the advice that I give to everyone else (especially Katie & Justin) and follow my passion, never give and never let it die. But, then again I have much more faith in them!
So then after that is music. Music is a constant in my life. I have rather large extremes in my musical taste. In one sitting I will go from CCR to Jay-Z to John Mayer to Descendants to Ani DiFranco to U2 to Marilyn Manson to The Ataris. My favorites I guess if I had to narrow it down to say ten would be (in no particular order) John Mayer, Ani DiFranco, The Ataris, Dashboard Confessional, U2, Crosby Still Nash (and sometimes Young), Me First & The Gimme Gimmes, Sonic Youth, Sublime and Counting Crows. But if I answered this tomorrow some of them would be different. My music tastes change daily for the most part too.
And then we've got art. Damn I wish I was more talented at art. I can take photos like a muddafuka but some of the others leave me dumbfounded. I'm a'ight at painting and sculpture but drawing is my weak point by far. I work on in often though and am gradually getting better. I am more creative than artistic I guess. I always have tons of ideas in my head. I just have trouble staying focused long enough to see them through to fruition. Ah ADHD is for me! I'm okay at art though, I got the gift from my dad. My Mom can't even make stick figures look normal. But I love anything artistic and have a deep appreciation for art.
I also spend time doing various things like working at my shitty job (but there's some a'ight people there so I can deal with it), talking online with friends (not with random strangers though, I never understood the appeal in that), watching TV (Actually that's rare, if anything I'll watch Discovery Channel, MTV, Comedy Channel. Beyond those I rarely find anything worth my time.), flirting incessantly with all the boys and girls (aw yeah!), talking to my friends, chillin, playing pool, SWIMMING (skinny dipping is sooooo much fun! I'll never outgrow that), obsessing about my appearance (and yet I always end up looking like I just don't care, Ha, if you only knew how much time I end up thinking about how I look you'd think I was the most self-absorbed person in the world. Don't worry though, my outlook on my appearance in vastly negative. So at least I'm not vain!), eating oatmeal (Mmmm Strawberries & Cream), reading anything I can get my hands on, surfing the web and realizing it's made up of mostly useless information, daydreaming, fantasizing, writing poetry journal entries and letters I'll never send, overanalyzing everything said to me, thinking about the past, coming up with lists of stupid topics, having sex, studing religion and spirituality, sleeping and trying to figure out what to do with my life. What a fun-filled life I lead. Uh yeah, right.
And you might already know this about me but I've lost well over 60 close friends (suicides, overdoses, car accidents, AIDS, cancer, homicides, etc) in my 21 years. I won't put 'em all down but here's a list. Ryan Garrity, Nick Carter, Corey Wright, Ryan Hayes, Logan Shaw, Rob Mayor, Ian McDonald, Seth Parent, John Vincent, Becca Travers, Leigh Hansen, Mark Conner, Eric Link, Skye Lamont, Tony Brandt, Tom O'Malley, Scott Vance, Tom Vance, Samantha Garrity, Mike Pfaillon, Nicky-Trix (Nicholas Leonard Michaelson the Third), Natalie Zimmermann, Herrick Christopher........