Cuz I can't seem to find a trace,
Guess it must have got erased somehow,
Prabablly cuz I always forget
-Avril Lavigne
Two Years Later
Erica ran a hand through her dark hair out of habit. She laughed, remembering she cut it short. She could have been mistaken for India.Arie's twin now. She slid on sunglasses as she parked her Mustang in the vacant parking space.
She grabbed her bag and got out of her car, only to be almost ran over by a van. She rolled her eyes and continued her journey into the hospital. She noticed there were TV reporters and cameras everywhere. She didn't understand why so many people were here today when they weren't here day after day. Erica ran up to the nurse's station and greeted Nurse Kerri.
"Hey. My mom isn't here, is she?" Erica asked, placing the sunglasses on top of her head.
"No. She left an hour ago. Jazmyne's been asking for you for a while now," Kerri smiled at her, "she said she has a surprise for you."
Erica smiled,"All right. See you later, Kerri."
"You, too, hon."
Erica sauntered down the long corridors to she got to her sister's room. This was Jazmyne's life now. A patient at Children's Hospital for the Terminally Ill. Erica frowned when she thought this is the kind of life her sister had to live. Chemo treatments. Wigs. Being sick. She shook her head, willing herself not to cry. It wasn't the time. Her sister was still alive now and that's all that mattered to Erica. She took a deep breath when she came to the door of her sister's room and closed her eyes. Training herself, she plastered a fake smile onto her face.
"Gotta be brave," she whispered to herself.
"Big head!" Jazmyne smiled as her sister came into the room. "I missed you."
"Hey, sweetie," Erica hugged her,"I was here two days ago. How did you have time to miss me?"
"It's boring here."
"Well, you know you have to be here...." ,p> "Forget I said that. Anyway, did you make up a dance for the song?"
"Yeah. 'Do Your Thing' isn't the greatest song in the world, but I think you'll be able to dance to it."
"Do you have my CD with you?"
"Yeah. I don't understand why you love Nsync so much," Erica made a face as she handed her sister back her Celebrity cd.
"You used to like them, too," a grin spreaded on her face,"I wanted to surprise you with this. They're here today! They came to visit us cause we're sick or whatever. I saw Chris's back and JC already. It was so cool and Chris really is cute in person! Maybe you'll get to meet them!"
"Yeah, maybe. Anyway," Erica switched the subject,"are you up to dancing today or do you not feel good?"
"I feel aight. I just don't want to dance today," Jazmyne sighed, looking down at her hands.
"What's wrong, Jazzy?" She asked, worried about the sudden mood swing.
Jazmyne eyebrows furrowed together as she thought about how to ask the question. She took a deep breath and stared at her hands while she spoke. "Will you be okay when I die?" She whispered, softly."I know how you are, Rica. You take everything to heart. And you can't say you don't cuz look at you and Mama. Y'all have barely said anything to each other in two years."
"Leave Mama out of this."
"Fine. This isn't about her anyway. It's about you. I know that you put your heart and soul into getting me better. But I'm facing the fact that I won't live to reach the age of ten. I'm lucky if I even get to nine. I don't want you to write me off yet, but please...can you and will you be okay?"
Erica cleared her throat, her voice faltering."Yeah. But let's not talk about that stuff. Please?"
"Okay."
"So, how Mama's doing?"
"She keeps crying. Other than that, she's okay."
Erica nodded. At the thought of her mom, anger surged through her body and the sadness disapppeared. She still loved her mom, but the anger just built up over the years. Just the thought of that selfish...She took a deep breath, trying to calm her bitter heart. She was knocked out of her thoughts when her sister spoke again.
"'Rica? Do you think Daddy knows I love him?"
"Dang, Jaz, what's with all the questions about family?" Erica asked her as she looked away from her.
"I just want everyone to be okay after I die," she muttered, crossing her arms.
"We'll be okay. It'll be hard, but yeah...please, just stop asking these questions, Jazzy. Just please....Daddy knows you love him," Erica quickly wiped the tear that ran away from her sister's eye.
There was a knock on the door. Erica sniffled and quickly scrubbed at her eyes before muttering a 'come in'. Kerri entered with the guys of Nsync and one bodyguard.
"Wow, it's Nsync," Jazmyne whispered in amazement.
"Yep," JC smiled at her, coming closer to give her a hug. "What's your name sweetie?"
"Jazmyne. I'm a huge fan."
"You are?" Chris smiled, coming to hug her,"that's cool."
"Yeah. My sister used to like you guys, but I don't think she does anymore. She used to say y'all were the only white boys she knew that could dance that good," Jazmyne told them.
"We get that a lot,"Justin laughed as Jaz ignored the pointed look she recieved from her older sister.
Jaz smiled. "Yeah, but anyway, I still like you guys. And thanks for coming to visit me. You don't know how much that makes my day. I was gonna do it for Make-a-Wish, but.....I'm planning something super special."
Lance laughed that deep throaty laugh,"I'm glad you're gonna do something 'super special'. It'll be a shame if you wanted your wish to be us."
"Will you sing something for me?"
"Sure. Do you have a request?"JC asked her, smiling.
"'Digital Getdown'."
His smiled faded as he blushed,"How about another song?"
"I was just joking," she laughed,"my friend told me what that song meant."
"And what does it mean, missy?" Chris asked, joking with her.
"Jaz-" Erica warned her from saying anything inapporpiate.
"It's JC's fault. He did write the song, y'know," Joey laughed.
"I know," Erica answered him.
"Okay," JC pouted playfully,"everything's my fault. What song do you want to here, sweetie? Besides 'Digital Getdown'."
"'I Thought She Knew'. I love the way you guys's voice go so good together. It's like a Doo-Wop thing that my uncle used to listen to. Plus, it's the last song that Joey ever sung solo. You guys need to give him more solos. And Chris. And Lance."
"So," Lance smiled, joking with her,"do you think if we kick the other two out, we can still make it?"
She stared at the three hopefuls and shook her head."Nah. But all of you will always have a fan in me."
They all smiled and thanked her for the compliment. Justin started to snap his fingers, getting a steady beat. They took a deep breath and started the intro of 'oooh's' together. When Justin's part came up, her smiled at Jaz as though she was the most important person in the world. That was until he looked at Erica. He couldn't tear his eyes off of her. He continued to gawk at her until the song had ended, even when she had looked away.
Erica smiled at the people in the room, still avoiding Justin's eyes. This was a special moment for her sister. It wasn't everyday she met her favorite celebrities. But the thought of Make-a-Wish made her stomach churn amd her smile somewhat falter. She knew her sister was going to get to have one. Only because she wasn't going to live much longer.
"You know what I really wish? That my mom and dad and sister and everybody won't cry over me once I die. I'll be in a better place. No chemo. No pain...no tears....."
"Sweetie," Joey smiled at her with sad eyes,"I'm sure they'll miss you, but they'll be okay."
"I don't think so," she shook her head,"I'm the glue in my family. The only thing keeping us somewhat together."
"Excuse me," Erica interrupted, fleeing from the room. Tears overwhelmed her and her chest ached as she ran out into the hallway. She jogged to the only place that she knew she would get some peace or a place to cry. The roof of the hospital.
She busted through the roof door and ran to the cliff. She gasped for air as she closed her eyes tightly and wished for everything to go away. A single tear ran down her face before she wiped it away, thinking of it as weakness.
"Are you okay?" A voice whispered to the left of her.
She cleared her throat, still not opening her eyes. "Uh, sure. Just needed some fresh air."
"I just wanted to make sure."
"You didn't have to. I'm fine."
"Could you look me in the eyes and tell me that?" The voice persisted.
"I don't have to do a thing."
"So, do you have cancer, too?"
Erica's eyes opened wide as she whipped her head around and stared at the one and only Justin Timberlake. She didn't get lost in his eyes like she once daydreamed she would. But instead, she burned fire into them with her brown ones. "Did you just ask if I had cancer?"
"Yeah," he nodded, looking her straight in the eyes, holding a challenge. He had his hands crossed in some way of definace. Of what, he didn't know.
"What makes you think I have cancer?"
"Well," his stance faltered and he looked uncomfortable as he answered."I thought so because you don't have any hair and I thought chemo. And for a dark black girl, you're kinda pale and your eyes are yellow and dull. You know, no offense."
"I cut my hair to help make Jaz a wig, but she didn't want one. So, my hair was donated to help someone else. And I haven't been doing that good lately. Y'know, taking care of myself and what not. So, not that it's any of your business, I don't have cancer."
"You may not have cancer, but you're still not okay," he proclaimed a-matter-of-factly.
"Why do you care?" Her voice cracked as she rolled her eyes.
"Because everyone need someone to look after them. Someone who cares," he whispered, staring off into the horizon.
"Well, thanks for the concern, but I'm not the one who needs it. Aren't you suppose to be down there, brightening up kids day, just to show you care?"
"Yeah. Well, it was nice meeting you, Jazmyne's mom," he began to walk away before Erica stopped him.
"Hold up. Why do you think I'm Jazmyne's mom?"
He looked uncomfortable as he answered once again."Well, we were in the hallway when we kinda heard Jaz ask if her dad knew she loved him...."
"He's my dad, too. I'm her sister. I'm not her mom. I am only twenty years old! With a life of my own. How can I be someone's mother? Our dad left after him and my mom got divorced, okay? And Jaz had only seen him once or twice after that! And here she is dying..." her voice broke as her throat was thick with tears."She's dying and he hasn't seen her...."
Justin turned away in shock. He wished he hadn't opened his mouth. Now he had to deal with a broken woman talking about how her baby sister's dying and there's nothing she could do. And with all the money he had, there was nothing he could do. He cleared his throat. "I'm...I'm sorry."
"Don't say that. I don't need your sympathy," she moaned, rubbing at her eyes. She took a deep breath, "Everything's gonna be okay. It always get better."
Justin looked at her with his tear-filled eyes. She told him not to feel sorry for her. But he just couldn't. This girl was loosing her sister and yet she was in denial. He seriously thought things were going to get worse before they got any better.