Big brother is at it again. Big Brother NFL (or as Coach Glanville reminds us, that stands for Not For Long) is busy cracking down on players who have the audacity of participating in any celebrations after a score lasting more than two seconds. And God forbid any sort of celebration involving two or more players. After all, football is a team sport.
The issue became front and center again last Sunday when several St. Louis Rams participated in the dreaded forbidden Bob ‘n Weave after two of Marshall Faulk’s four touchdowns. A similar act earlier in the season resulted in $5,000 fines for each participant. The players performed the celebration to “get back the old feeling” the team had before a recent losing skid, also accepting and willing to pay any forthcoming fine. Wide receiver Isaac Bruce called off a third Bob ‘n Weave later in the game, pointing out that the “some guys have kids” and that the fines can’t get too expensive.
Quarterback Kurt Warner volunteered Monday to pick up the tab saying that “I don’t care if it’s 50,000 or 250,000. Kurt better be prepared to fork out a figure closer to the quarter million mark. The Not For Long tends to hammer repeat offenders. Also outlawed now is the “Duck Down”, which several players performed after TD’s this year.
What about the “Lambeau Leap” you ask. Well according to the league Gestapo’s, er competition committee, it is all right for the player scoring to leap into the stands. If any other players jump in however, they are fined. One would think that it would only be a matter of time before that too, is taboo. There have already been instances of opposing players in Green Bay doing the leap (or faking it, pulling up at the last moment). Eric Turner of the Raiders did it in a pre-season game a few years back and the 49ers J.J. Stokes did it this year (only to be shoved back on the field by a fan).
Also, the NCAA, another organization that’s a piece of work (they had the dunk in basketball banned back in the day for crying out loud), cracked down on this a few years back. They even tried to ban players from going down to a knee in prayer after a score, relenting only under threat of lawsuits and negative publicity from various organizations.
How interesting that Not for Long blows the whistle on almost any form of celebration. Their goal is for their players to be like robots, like when the old Soviet hockey team would score during a 10-1 rout of some overmatched foe in the Olympics. And how hypocritical considering they show promotional commercials featuring retro footage of White Shoe Johnson’s old dance, among other things. Not to mention plenty of celebrations in video games licensed by the league. AS LONG AS THEY MAKE MONEY OFF IT…
Yes, celebration perceived at taunting should be dealt with. The “throat-slash” banned last year is a good example. Terrell Owens infamous midfield logo stunt was another. The league didn’t even have to worry about dealing with that, the 49ers coach doled out a one-game suspension to Owens for that. And that’s the point, let the coaches and players POLICE THEMSELVES. Remember Mike Holmgren laying down the law after Robert Brooks tried to a “Lambeau Leap” in the Metrodome one year (no leaping on the road). The coaches are the first ones who don’t want to see a player to start something that in the end infuriates and serves as motivation for the opposition.
So the league can quit acting like the guys in Fahrenheit 451 who keep on insisting on burning those evil books. If a soccer player can impersonate a dog doing his business after scoring a goal in the World Cup (sure to be impersonated by an XFL player), I think we can live with a little spontaneous team celebration here in the NFL. And to think they can use such material in a promotional spot!!!