Quick, someone call the authorities, bring in the guard, get the mobilization units ready. PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals), the same group that somehow finds the time to protest everything from the "weinermobile" to "Survivor" contestants eating the rats on the island, have now set their sights on the hollowed grounds of Lambeau Field to protest the nickname of Green Bay's football team. And we wish we were kidding.
Appearantly, PETA has a problem with the Packers organization concerning that awful nickname, which of course was given by the meat packing company that founded the team in 1919. And people said when high schools started changing their politically incorrect names a few years back (Redman, Indians, etc.) that this would start a pandora's box. Even they wouldn't have imagined this.
In a letter sent to Packers president Bob Harlan this summer from PETA's treehouse, er I mean offices in Norfolk, VA, the organization even offered alternative names the team could use. One was "Pickers" (honoring people who pick fruits and veggies-couldn't make this up if i tried) and the other was "Six-Packers"--which I could see Mothers Against Drunk Driving and others signing off on real quick. Harlan politely told PETA that he would consider it as soon as hell becomes the frozen tundra.
Thus, PETA has vowed to the local media that they will bring their little carnival to protest outside Lambeau Field before a game yet this year. The remaining home games are on December 10 and 24. You mean it might actually be an eventful X-mas eve for the Ashwaubenon Police Department.
Just to be hypothetical, lets say Packers management decides PETA is right. Let's change the team name. How could we for 80 years name ourselves after laborers who package slaughtered animals to grocery stores. Thence, Harlan caves in and one of the most storied franchises in sports becomes known as the Green Bay Pickers. Would you think for a moment that PETA WOULD STOP THERE???
Of course not. We all know PETA's agenda. They want everyone simply not to eat animals. And it is no secret that most NFL players consume massive quantities of meat. PETA could then ask the NFL to conduct widespread testing to make sure that all of its players are meat-free. After the league announces its new "no meat, no tolerance" plan what are we left with. The brand new VFL, or would it be NML. Imagine spending Sunday afternoons watching vegetarians trying to tackle each other. I think the quality of play would go down slightly, not to mention they would be calling Bell Ambulance on every other play since so many bones would be breaking on these scrawny gladiators.
So the memo to FETA goes like this, give up the fight. Don't make yourself more of an ass than you already are. Don't take on the Packers--you'll be fumbling worse than DeMond Parker. Besides, there's that Weinermobile that needs to be outlawed. Not to mention kangaroos in the outback that need to be saved before they're consumed by "Survivor II" contestants.
