Yes, I said porn goatee. If Jeff Kent has a �porn mustache� then Rome must be John Holmes with the goat and expensive suits � which he endlessly needles an infamous caller on his radio show for �allegedly� wearing. And have you noticed Rome�s obvious endless fetish for porn??? He sure talks about it enough, I would hate to see his video collection � it would probably be enough to make a longshoreman blush.

Not to mention the man is such a wuss. He 'gripped' (as he would refer to it) over a December tour stop in Madison, WI - all because he claims he doesn't own any winter clothes. Wait a minute - aren't there mountains in Socal, where it actually gets cold and even snows. Hasen't he done a brief roadie up there during his life??? But come to think of it, JR even has issues with the winter rains in LA...

But you can�t blame the man from bolting away from FSN like it was on fire. Although, then again � ROME IS BURNING. Without Last Word FSN is now down to The Worst Sports Show Period along with You Gotta See This � a morbid collection of home videos featuring female high school softball players suffering near-fatal beanings on the way to first, degenerate snowboarders getting swept up by avalanches after venturing into 'off limits' areas, and savage horrific accidents on various backwater racing circuits. I would say this is a good career move on Romey�s part.

So now Rome will condense the best material from 15 hours worth of radio work per week into a one-hour TV show. Some of it will even involve sports. But of course some of his best 'takes' are not sports related. Like after he gets hold of the next study proclaiming that overweight people suffer more heart attacks, strokes, cancer, and diabetes than fit people - and do not live as long.

And that�s when the e-mails from the clones start filtering in. 'Wow, here's one from Dave Thomas, another one from John McSherry, another from Mama Cass regarding a ham sandwich and yet another from Rick Majerus.' 'THAT'S NOT FUNNY, THEY'RE OVERWEIGHT PEOPLE WHO'VE HAD HEALTH PROBLEMS AND/OR DIED.' Oh wait, on second thought it is hilarious, that and sports celebrities who've had limbs lopped off.

This will be Rome�s second stint with �The Network�, as he graduated from being Hacksaw Hamilton�s �coffee-runner� on XTRA radio in San Diego in 1994 to host �TALK2� when ESPN first spawned that secondary channel.

Of course it was not long after that show�s debut when �The Incident� occurred � which was kind of like �The Catch� or �The Drive� in regards to putting Rome on the national map. Obviously, we�re referring to Rome getting maligned-Ram QB Jim Everett on his show exclusively to taunt him �to his face� with the �Chris� monicker which Rome had been using on his radio show on XTRA. That brief segment ended with Everett throwing a coffee table into Rome�s lap, before hovering over JR who by that time had turtled up on the floor.

The best part was the aftermath, when the media contacted the real Chris Evert � with the tennis legend having more important things on her mind, such as being eight months pregnant with her first-born at the time.

You could only imagine Chrissie�s response��JIM WHO???�

Fortunately, Rome did not use this on Carl Everett, in which in that case they�d still be picking up the pieces in the studio.

Another popular opinion that I�m sick of is the one that Michael Jordan should never had come out of retirement, and that he�s Johnny Unitas in a powder-blue Charger uniform stumbling on himself all over again. Just because he averages just a tick under 18 points a game a month short of the age of 40. Last year he averaged 23 points a game. I�d love to see anyone else in association history who put up those kind of numbers at the age between 38 and 40. Yes, the high-flyin� days are long gone. It happens, it�s called age. Even the great ones see some of their skills diminish in their later years, I�m even seeing that in a certain Green Bay quarterback right now.

But even then, the legends are still pretty darn good. Even in his last couple of years in hockey, Wayne Gretzky had the stats that at least 90 percent of the league would be happy with � sure the 200 point seasons were gone, but he was still a major contributor � and a great ambassador to his game. In the case of MJ, he simply made the decision actively contribute to his own investment, and to help the fortunes on the court of the Washington Wizards franchise for two yeas. And looking at where that team was two years ago, and where they are now � I say mission accomplished. The only thing I wish MJ could had changed was sitting out those two years in the mid-90�s, where he may well had been part of eight championships in a row � which would had made MJ�s legacy even more remarkable.

Another laughable opinion is that the youth of the world is steadily getting too young to remember Jordan at his peak. So. Being a fan of NASCAR, that sport had no choice � for the loss of Dale Earnhart obviously came with no warning. But guess what, in the two years since the circuit has become bigger than ever with everyone else following in his footsteps. In the case of Jordan you simply move on to the next era, and pass the torch on to the next in line. You move on to Shaq, you move on to Kobe, and eventually you move on to LeBron James.

Which segues me into my final topic. LeBron has been seen riding around town in a Humbee complete with three TV sets at a cost of at least $50,000.00 from someone. Is that all??? I�d like to know everything else that was under his Christmas tree this year � we�re probably just skimming the surface with that one.

My response to that is who cares??? I wouldn�t doubt if this story ends with LeBron being forced to sit the tail-end of his season out when the amateur status is stripped. His barnstorming team is forced to forfeit all of their games, and then you could probably criticize him some for letting some teammates and maybe a few other people (his school, etc.) down. But on the deviant Richter Scale this does not even get measured as a two.

By missing the end of his final payless season, LBJ doesn�t have to worry about suffering a Willis McGahee-type misfortune with an injury, and then he can declare for the NBA draft as planned. In fact, the sooner the hammer comes down, the better for his sake.