Chapter Three
<><><><><><><>
 

As they pulled into Johnny's driveway, JC asked, "How often are you having the nightmares, Justin?"

Justin frowned, "Why do you ask?"

"I was just wondering.  If it's happening now and then, it's probably normal.  But if it's every night, well, maybe you should talk to someone about it," JC offered.

Justin looked at him strangely.  "Talk to who, JC?" he said, frowning some more.

"I don't know, Justin.  Maybe a shrink, you know...someone who knows about stuff like that,"  JC said as he laughed at Justin expression.

Justin was looking at him like he had grown two heads. "I don't need a shrink, man!  A nightmare, now and then, is no big deal."

JC said, "Well, that isn't what you said when you told me about it this morning!"

Justin punched JC in the shoulder before climbing out of the car.  "Shut up, JC!" he said grumpily as he slammed the door.

As they were walking to the door, Justin's cell phone rang and he stopped to answer it.  JC kept walking, knowing full well it was Britney in Justin's ear.  As he continued into the house, JC heard Justin say, "Hey baby!  How have you been?"

Justin hadn't heard from Britney in days.  He was feeling a little lost without her this time and he didn't know why.  "When are you coming to Orlando?" he heard himself asking before he could stop it.  He didn't like to sound so .... needy, but with all the sleepless nights, he just wanted her there with him.

She told him she was in Los Angeles now and didn't know when she'd be able to get away, which didn't make him too happy.  He could tell she was preoccupied.  "I know you are working hard.  I know.  I know.  Hey, if I can get the guys to move on this song, I'm coming to LA," he said bluntly.  "Ok.  No, I understand.  Ok.  I love you too."

He punched the End button and stomped into Johnny's house, pissed off at the thousands of miles that separated him from Britney.  He also didn't like being told to stay in Florida.

Inside, he found all the guys and Johnny standing around the big screen television.  Lance, in particular, was blushing and Chris was yelling "Oh my God!  WHO is that guy and has Justin seen this?!"

Justin made his way into the group to see what was causing the ruckus. Joey was holding the remote and when he saw Justin standing there, he quickly shut the TV off.  They were all smiling when they turned to look at Justin.  Joey said, "Did you forget to tell us something, Justin?"

Justin suddenly remembered Britney telling him that her new video was coming out today and that she had sent Johnny a copy.  "Oh yeah.  I see that Johnny made sure you caught Britney's video.  Two of you are blushing and the rest of you are drooling", he said, laughing.

Chris grabbed him by the shoulders, shouting, "Why didn't you tell us it was going to be so HOTTT?"

JC asked, "What do you think of it?" as he watched Justin for a sign of anger or jealousy.  He didn't see anything other than Justin, smiling shyly, and laughing at Chris' reaction.

Chris finally calmed down and said, "I wouldn't like my girlfriend making out with another guy on MTV!"

Justin laughed again.  Chris always cracked him up, no matter if he was drooling all over Britney or not.

"It's cool.  I'm fine with it," he said.  "Are we gonna do any recording today?"

JC sobered up and yelled above the excited men, "Yes, we are.  Ok, guys, let's go!"

Lance fell in step beside Justin as they meandered through the estate. "You aren't really all that cool with this video, are you?"

Justin glanced at Lance.  "Why do you say that?"

Lance shrugged, "I just know you, man.  Even though you love and support Britney, you don't always approve."

Justin shook his head.  "I approve fine.  Everything is fine.  I'm fine.  She's fine," he snapped at his friend.

Lance snickered, "Then why are the veins in your neck bulging out?"

Justin snorted at him and put his arm out towards Lance, palm in his face.  "Talk to the hand, man."

Justin thought back to about a month before, when Britney had showed him the video for the first time.  He had wondered, before he saw it, why she seemed so anxious.  After she started it, he saw why.  In the video, she was beautiful as usual, but she was cavorting with some boy toy on the beach, complete with looks, caresses, kisses and lots of nuzzling.  While he watched the video, he could feel her looking at him periodically.  He'd look at her every once in awhile, dropping his jaw as if in shock, when their eyes would meet.  He knew it drove her nuts because he wouldn't say a word.  It didn't bother him as much as she thought it might, but he didn't want to tell her that just yet.

After it was over, she asked him what he thought and all he said was, "Whoa, Babe!  You were all over that guy!"

Justin had always been proud of Britney for doing her own thing and making her own rules.  If that meant watching her on the screen with other guys, so be it.  It bothered him a little but not enough to make a big deal about.  More importantly, he knew she was hanging on his opinion and was so hopeful that it wouldn't cause problems.

He brought his hand up and softly caressed her cheek, looking into her eyes and said, "Looks like a nice spot.  We should go."  He paused and then added, "I'm always proud of you, you know that.  You looked gorgeous, sweetie."

He kissed her lips softly and pulled her to him for a huge bear hug.  She laughed; the tension was gone.

Now, he'd had time to think, especially with Britney being so far away. He really didn't particularly like the way she draped herself all over the guy in the video, but Justin knew and trusted her enough to let it go.  She had always cared for him, even during the time they were apart after the Mouse Club was over.  She'd told him over and over since then that he was the only one for her.  He missed her now, more than ever and wanted to be with her.  He had to get to California soon.

The guys worked in the studio, putting the finishing touches on another song for their album until about 8 PM.  JC finally called it a day and told them to be back the next day at 9 AM, looking at Johnny to make sure their schedule was clear.

Johnny shook his head and said, "Nope, guys, you have an appearance to make at the Orlando Children's Hospital at 10 AM tomorrow.  You're presenting a check and signing autographs."

Justin instantly looked pissed off and said, "You are joking, right?"

Johnny knew how temperamental Justin was being about appearances these days and said, "No, Justin, I'm not joking.  No calling in sick for you.  You have to be there.  It's for the kids at the hospital and you've never let the little kids down yet.  You will not start tomorrow."

Justin felt like he was being scolded and looked angrily at Johnny.  "What's up with the 'tude?" he asked Johnny.

Johnny looked at Justin like he'd lost his mind, "I have an attitude?  Me?  I'm not the one canceling engagements and fan club appearances.  I know you are gun shy about the crowds, but you cannot let it take over your life.  You are way too young to be so paranoid, Justin!"

Johnny softened his stance and draped his arm around Justin shoulders.  "Come into my office so I can beat some sense into you," he said not entirely joking, dragging Justin by the neck.

JC watched as Johnny pulled the younger man toward his office.  'Good,' he thought to himself.  'I didn't want to be the one to kick his ass.'

Johnny shut the door and walked further into the office behind Justin. "Justin, we've got more security than ever.  You have 2 of the bigger bodyguards assigned to you alone and you KNOW that Mike isn't gonna let anyone touch you.  What happened in Hawaii was because YOU disregarded orders.  It was over a year ago.  It's time to let it go."

Justin was listening to Johnny.  He knew Johnny was right.  He knew his paranoia was controlling him and that the nightmares didn't help.  He wondered silently if he should tell Johnny about the nightmares.  As if reading his mind, Johnny asked, "Is there something you want to talk to me about, Justin?  You have the same look you had after what happened in Rio."

Grimacing, Justin moaned, "Rio?  Man, Johnny, you have no idea!"

Johnny watched Justin thoughtfully as he remembered what they had all witnessed in Rio.
 

++FLASHBACK++

They arrived in Rio a few days before their show as part of the Rock in Rio music festival.  Britney had traveled with them on one of Johnny's super luxury jumbo jets.  None of them had ever been to Rio, so they didn't know what to expect.  They'd heard stories about how devoted and crazy the Brazilians were, but they weren't really ready for the mob that greeted them as they stepped off the jet.  Justin thought there were easily a couple thousand people at the airport, screaming and yelling their names, when they arrived.  Paparazzi was everywhere, taking pictures and shoving microphones in their faces.  In order to gain control of the situation, authorities had roped off an area where *NSYNC and Britney could field questions and sign autographs.  This was unexpected but they didn't want to offend their hosts.  They answered questions, posed for pictures, and signed autographs for nearly three hours.  The security was tighter than he'd ever seen, with the Brazilian authorities and *NSYNC's security, which allowed Justin to relax a little.  They were then herded into waiting cars which took them all to a tour bus a few miles away.  Once on the bus, they were able to really look out over the gigantic crowd that had congregated around the bus.

Somehow, word had gotten out that this was the bus to follow.  As the driver tried to maneuver the bus through the streets to the hotel, progress came to a halt about two miles into the journey.  Justin could see (and feel) people enveloping the bus.  Chris excitedly told anyone listening that he thought there were 30,000 people blocking the streets and surrounding the bus.  While Britney and the others excitedly watched it all unfold, Justin had broken a sweat and his heart was pounding in his chest.  He disappeared to the back of the bus and after while, JC noticed he was gone.  He walked to the back, trying to find him.  He found Justin, looking at the floor in the back of the bus as he paced back and forth.

As he got closer, JC saw that Justin was quietly trying not to freak out.  He was alternately singing to himself and bending over to breathe deeply.  Britney beckoned him toward the front, but Justin wildly shook his head back and forth before sitting down with his head between his knees.  As JC walked up to Justin, he reached out and softly touched Justin's shoulder.  Justin, wound up like a spring, jumped a foot and on his way down began cussing at JC.

"What the fuck did you do that for?  God, JC, I just almost decked you man!" Justin spat at his friend.

"Justin, I think you're having a panic attack.  Calm down.  It's not doing you any good to start freaking out.  Those people outside aren't coming in here..."  JC said, trying to calm him down.

JC paused because Justin was already responding, "How the fuck do you know that?  Look at all the fucking people!  I've never seen this many people out of control in my life.  The pounding and screaming is making me nuts."  Justin was bent over again, breathing deeply.

JC reached his hands out and grabbed Justin by the shoulders.  Justin's eyes were glassy as they followed every noise.  He was barely coherent, as far as JC could tell.  JC shook Justin a little, trying to get his attention, "STOP THIS JUSTIN!  Stop!  All the bodyguards are here.  They have your back.  Nothing is going to happen."

As JC said the words, the bus started rocking at little side to side.  JC had never seen Justin look so scared as his eyes scanned the ceiling and walls.  Justin broke free and ran towards the front of the bus.  He hung on to the walls as he peaked around the corner and watched the people outside pushing and banging on the bus.  By the time JC reached Justin, he was standing at the window, looking out at the hysteria.  This only escalated the screaming.  Mike had also reached Justin and had wrapped his arms around Justin from the back, pinning his arms to his sides.  Justin was shaking and whimpering a little and squeezing his eyes shut.  Dre began to drop the blinds on all the windows that actually had blinds.

Britney and the guys had taken notice of Justin too and had gathered around trying to calm him.  Lonnie was in front of Justin with his huge hands on the sides of Justin's face and saying, "Breathe deep, Justin.  Slow down dammit!  Good.  Breathe.  It's gonna be ok.  Breathe slow."

Justin finally opened his eyes and was concentrating on what Lonnie was saying, and taking deep breaths.  He'd quieted down enough so that he could make sense.  "Yes, I know.  I'm sorry.  I'm just having a hard time.  It's hard to breathe!"

With that, he stole another fearful glance out one of the windows but Lonnie whipped his face forward to look at him again.  "Don't look out there.  Just calm down, Curly.  Breathe."

Lonnie turned to Mike and said, "What we need here is a sedative."

Everyone looked at Lonnie and Mike blankly, indicating that they were fresh out of sedatives.

"No, I don't need any drugs.  You guys can let go of me now," Justin said as he struggled to get out of Mike's grasp.

"Only if you head straight to your bunk, and put some headphones on or something!" Mike said.

Justin slipped away from Mike, "Ok, I'm going.  Stop fussing!"

They watched as Justin slowly walked to his bunk and sat for a few moments, with his hands covering his face, before disappearing inside.

The police eventually broke the crowd up and the bus finally drove up to their hotel a full five hours after they'd landed in Brazil.  Justin had taken Mike's suggestion and had eventually fallen asleep in his bunk.

++End of Flashback++

Johnny could tell that Lance, JC, Joey, Chris and Britney, were all shocked after seeing Justin lose it like he had.  Seeing him in that frenzied state worried all of them.  Each of his band mates had discussed it with Johnny at different times since they returned from Rio.  The big Super Bowl halftime show was looming and they were all worried about how they'd pull it off if Justin was like he was in Rio.

Johnny knew that having Britney with them for the halftime show was the only thing that got Justin through it.  Justin had surprised them all by agreeing to let the fans chase them onto the field.  They had made bets against it happening.  Britney's presence was a huge calming influence and they thanked God it had worked.  They all knew that many of the fans had been outraged because they felt Britney was being shoved down their throats once again, but they didn't know the whole story.  Johnny knew that Justin needed her there and with her there, everything had gone smoothly.

Justin looked at Johnny, remembering the stark fear he had on the bus and how it seemed to be coming back at him in his head every night.  It was the same feeling he'd had when he was attacked in Hawaii.  As he took a few deep breaths, Justin decided that he'd tell Johnny the truth.  He sat in the chair in front of Johnny's desk and said, "Yeah, something is going on.  I don't really know how to handle it.  After Hawaii, I tried hard to move past what happened and I did move on.  For almost a whole year, I hadn't even thought about it.  I don't usually dwell on things, you know that.  But when we were in the bus in Rio, it all came rushing back.  I just don't know if I'll ever feel comfortable in a crowd again.  And trying to act the part for the fans isn't working either.  I'm having horrible nightmares and not sleeping."

As he listened to Justin talking about the nightmares, Johnny had to wonder what it was like for the kid.  It was Justin's job to be in public, performing for thousands of screaming fans, and to have this growing anxiety ruining his dreams, had to be very difficult for him.  He had always loved and craved the spotlight and attention for as long as Johnny had known him.  Watching Justin's head bow as he fought to control his emotions was heartbreaking.  Johnny listened until he was through, and then calmly asked, "Justin, do you think you want to talk to someone about this?  Like a therapist of some kind?  Your life is far from normal and all of us, at times, need a little help.  I think it's a tribute to your strength that you've got through this much without needing it yet."

Justin looked right into his eyes and shrugged. "Yeah, I guess I'll give it a whirl.  I know I can't go on tour and panic each night at the thought of the crowd that waits beyond the curtain.  That won't work, will it?"

Johnny smiled and walked around his desk.  "No.  It won't work.  I'll get in touch with a friend of mine that has a small practice here in Orlando.  I'll call you later with the specifics.  How's that sound?"

Justin smirked and said, "Thanks Johnny.  I hope it works.  I don't want to even think about touring if what happened in Rio happens again."  Justin paused and said, "I'll see you in the morning."

Johnny raised his eyebrows and smirked, "Are you sure?"

Justin grinned at him, "You can count on me."

Johnny laughed, they shook hands and Justin left to find one of the guys to give him a ride home.