Chapter Two
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++JUSTIN'S DREAM++

He had been running and running, for miles it seemed, for how long, he didn't know.  His breath was coming in gasps as the rain drenched his hair and his clothes.  He glanced over his shoulder to see if he could see them.  It was dark but he could still hear them yelling his name.

He came upon an alley and ducked in, dark as it was, seeking refuge behind a trash bin.  He was panting, his lungs were screaming for air. He couldn't find Mike.  "Where is Mike when I need him???!??" Justin's mind screamed.  He'd only gone out to get a burger, for God's sake!  God knows there was nothing to eat in his house.  There never was.

Justin could hear one of his pursuers talking excitedly to the others, saying something about the alley.  He tried to calm his breathing so he wouldn't be heard, but he couldn't quit gasping for breath.  Even though he was in good shape, he couldn't get enough air in his lungs.  He crouched as low as he could and tried to will himself invisible. 'PLEASE GOD!  Don't let them come any further!'  He closed his eyes.  He waited.  A sound that chilled his bones broke through his reverie.  "OH MY GOD, THERE HE IS!!  JUSTIN!!!!" was screamed from three feet away.

He slowly stood up, holding his arms out in front of him, shaking his head, all the while saying, "SHHHHH!"

He fervently wished that he had a coat to cover him up.  The four girls were walking toward him, raking their frantic, wild, eyes over his face and his body.  His soaked clothes clung to him.  The girls were all panting too, though he suspected it had very little to do with running.  The rain was dripping down their bodies, same as he.  He backed up until his back hit the wall.  As he leaned one hand back against the wall to steady himself, he saw how badly he was shaking, even in the darkness of the night.  Things grew hazy and he wondered if he was going to pass out.  He heard one of them say something, and another said his name.

"Girls," he whispered, "don't...."

The one in front walked closer, holding out her hand and putting it on his wet forearm that was extended in front of him.  Her hand closed around his arm as she said, shakily, "I love you so much, please, Justin..."

She was pulling on his arm.  One of the others came around to his right saying, "We love you so much, we just want...."

Her hands came toward him too.  He felt like he was being surrounded by a pack of rapid dogs.  The third girl was sobbing and tried to touch his face but he snapped his head away quickly.  His panic was rising as the fourth girl, now sobbing hysterically, was reaching for his hair...

++END OF JUSTIN'S DREAM++

Justin bolted upright in his bed, shaking, sweating and squinting against the sunlight as he glanced around the room quickly.  His head was pounding as he slowly realized the dream wasn't real.  "God!", he screamed, flopping back on his pillow again.  He knew that days that started like this usually continued to get worse.  And there'd been too many of them lately.  As his breathing returned to normal, he rubbed his eyes and noticed for the first time that tears were covering his face.  He angrily wiped them off with the backs of his arms.  It was only then that he noticed the alarm blaring.  The clock said 8:30, which meant he was already a 1/2 hour late.  He slapped the clock off the stand and it crashed to the floor.  He buried his head in his pillows.  He knew any moment the phone would start ringing but instead.....he heard pounding at his front door.

He was still in the jeans from the night before.  He grabbed a t-shirt off the floor and took the stairs two at a time as he dashed to answer the door.  As he flung the door open, he was nearly punched in the face by JC, who had been pounding on the door with one fist and holding his cell phone with the other.  "WHAT???!" Justin screamed as he dodged the fist.

"Ok, Johnny, I'm looking at him right now.  Be there soon!" JC said into the phone.  He put the phone in his pocket and slapped both his hands on Justin's shoulders hard enough to make Justin wince.  "We've been calling and calling.  You're late and I'm here to drag you to the studio.  Get dressed!" JC said grumpily as he shook Justin a few times for effect.

Justin just looked at him, like he was confused.  "You look like Hell!" JC said, as he looked Justin over, grinning.

It's hard to stay mad at Justin, especially when he's standing there with his hair sticking up all over, his lips pouting out, and his eyes bloodshot.

"JC, I had another nightmare.  It's the same thing over and over.  What the hell is wrong with me?" Justin asked sadly, as he backed up.  He sighed and then turned around and ran upstairs, disappearing into the bathroom.  JC heard the shower start so he sat down on the sofa, thinking about what Justin had just said.  Justin wasn't a whiner, so when he mentioned the nightmares, JC was beginning to see what was causing Justin's funk lately.

As he waited for Justin, JC thought about how much their lives had changed and how they had come to rely on their bodyguards.  Bodyguards had become a fact of life for all five of them.  They rarely went anywhere without them.  The most bizarre thing was that the presence of bodyguards ALWAYS brought more attention.

The fact was that these days, none of them were safe going out alone.  For kicks, now and then, when they were bored or feeling like hamsters in a cage, they used to escape from their cage (usually a hotel room) alone or in pairs.  Things had always worked out okay and they'd get the standard lecture from Johnny, which seemed a small price to pay for a few hours of normalcy.  Justin hadn't been so lucky.  He was the only one who had ever been mobbed while being alone.  He had wandered into a convenience store alone in December 1999 while they were in Hawaii and was basically attacked by a mob of girls.

JC would never forget Justin's face when he returned to the hotel that night.  All the big brotherly feelings he had for Justin went into overdrive at the moment he saw the confused, haunted look of pain on Justin's face.  Justin hadn't discussed the incident at all, other than with the guys briefly the night it happened.

++FLASHBACK++

They were all sitting around JC's hotel room, talking about their plans for the evening.  They were all there except for Justin, who had gone for a run.  He had said he was feeling couped up and needed some air.  What they didn't realize though, was that Justin had gone alone, without bodyguard or companion.

The phone rang and JC picked it up.  Of course, all the guys could hear was JC's side of the conversation at first.  JC was asking someone "What happened?  What is wrong?" which got their attention; that and the look on JC's face as he went a little pale.

JC punched the speaker button on the phone and slammed the receiver down angrily.  Johnny Wright's voice came over the speaker saying that Justin had called him from a convenience store about 10 blocks from the hotel.

"First of all, before you guys freak, he's ok.  Some fans cornered Justin in a store and roughed him up.  Thankfully, the store clerk helped him get away from the mob and then called the police.  The girls did scratch him up a bit, pulled his hair, and grabbed at him.  The clerk was able to dig her way through the girls to grab him and then shoved him in the restroom, locking the door behind him.  By the time the cops got there, the girls were long gone.  Justin called Mike on his cell, and then me, while he waited in the bathroom.  I kept him on the line until the cops had the clerk let him out.  They took his statement and Mike is bringing him back to the hotel shortly."

Johnny paused to let it all sink in.  "Knowing Justin as well as you do, I'm sure you know he's pretty scared and shaken up."

JC looked around at the rest of his friends, seeing the same serious looks.  Joey spoke up finally, saying, "What should we do, Johnny?"

Johnny said, "Just play it by ear.  If he wants to talk, you listen.  Otherwise, just be there.  He'll be ok.  Justin can handle this."

Lance stood up and went to the door, looking up and down the hallway and then said, "We'll be here for him, Johnny.  Right guys?"

They were all nodding their heads and looking at each other.  Johnny said goodbye and hung up.  Lance told the bodyguards in the hallway to let them know when Mike and Justin returned.

About 20 minutes later, Mike knocked on JC's door before stepping into the room.  Mike looked around the room at first, seeing the serious looks on their faces.  "Justin is in his room taking a shower.  Let him have a few minutes before you start on him, ok?" Mike said.

Mike had always watched Justin and cared for him like an older brother would.  This was due to the fact that other than his four band mates, Mike, and the other bodyguards, were closer to Justin on a daily basis than most of Justin's family and friends.  They had all watched Justin grow up as they traveled around the world the last five years.  Mike could read the boy like a book.  They all nodded at Mike as he left.

After about 15 minutes had passed, JC stood up and told the guys that he thought it'd be better if they didn't overwhelm Justin with all of them going to his room.  Chris agreed and said maybe just he & JC would go first and bring Justin back there.  Joey and Lance nodded their agreement and Joey began flipping the TV channels with the remote control.

Chris and JC went to Justin's door and looked at each other briefly before they knocked.  JC saw the stoic look on Chris' face and knew he was worried about Justin.  Chris had a tendency to be fiercely protective of his friends and family.  JC couldn't hear any noise of any kind coming from inside the room.  Chris slowly opened the door to the darkened room whispering, "Justin?  You here, man?"

They heard silence at first and then, through the dark, they heard Justin's voice quietly say, "Yeah, come in."

JC and Chris walked in the room as Justin turned on the small light  beside the bed and walked toward them.  It was still relatively dark in the room, so his face was shadowed.  Chris asked, "How are you doing?" as they faced each other.

Justin's hair was wet and he was dressed in pajama pants and a t-shirt. "I just want to sleep, guys.  I can barely keep my eyes open," Justin replied.

Chris said, "Tell us what happened."

JC elbowed Chris and stared at him as if he was going to smack him down.  Justin looked at JC and then at Chris, before he sat down on the bed and stared at the floor for a few moments, running his hands through his hair.  He looked at JC then, like he was contemplating slugging Chris too.  JC noticed Justin's red eyes and knew that he'd been crying.  Chris sat beside Justin and persisted, "How many were there?"

Justin abruptly left Chris on the bed, grumbled something under his breath and walked over to the light switch by the door in three long strides.  When he turned the overhead lights on, he was staring at Chris with angry eyes, and said, "Oh, about eight of them, I'd guess.  I really wasn't counting, Chris."

JC and Chris could see the scratches on Justin's face.  Without saying a word, Justin pulled off his shirt to show them the scratches and bruises on his back, chest and stomach.  He looked from JC to Chris.  "This was done by people who love me", Justin spat out, with angry tears forming in his eyes.  Swallowing more tears, he continued.

"They pulled my hair, they grabbed my ass, they were even trying to get in my pants....I had no fucking control!" he said as he dropped down and sat on the floor.  He angrily grabbed his shirt and pulled it on again.  He then leaned back against the wall and stared blankly at the floor.

Chris looked at JC through his own watery eyes and immediately crouched down by Justin saying "I'm sorry, Justin.  You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."  He rubbed Justin's shoulder lightly before standing up again.

Chris looked at JC like he wanted to hit something.  A few moments passed before Justin pulled his lanky frame up and leveled a serious look at Chris.  Before Chris could react, Justin had wrapped his arms around Chris' shoulders and was sobbing with one hand pressed over his eyes.  Chris wasn't one to be physically affectionate.  This kind of contact normally would have made him extremely uncomfortable but this was Justin, little brother to all of them, who began to emotionally spill out the events of the evening.

Justin's voice was soft, almost a whisper, as he said, "God, I was so scared!  They kinda surrounded me and I panicked.  I didn't know what to do.  They were just all around me and all over me before I could even think."  Justin paused and shook his head, looking at JC for a moment and then closed his eyes.

"Where did they come from?  I just went in to get a Coke!  Damn!  I couldn't get away once they started grabbing at me.  They had crazy looks in their eyes.  A few of them were saying my name with this desperation that really made me freak.  They grabbed my arms, a few of them kissed me, and another pulled my hair until I think some came out.  Someone else tried to unbutton my fucking pants...."

Chris still had his arms around Justin at this point and was trying to comfort him, not really knowing how.  Justin stepped back, wiping his face off angrily, looking at his two best friends sadly.  He shuttered, like he was cold, and shook his head, saying, "I wouldn't wish something like that on my worst enemy."

The three of them stood there, just looking from face to face for a few minutes.  It was a fear they all had and it had become reality to Justin.  You just can't look out over the oceans of screaming girls without the thought crossing your mind.

Justin took a loud breath as if trying to rid himself of the memories and said, "Where's Joey and Lance?"

JC said, "They are holding down the fort in my room, I think."  Justin nodded and smiled crookedly at JC.

Justin looked at Chris who was still pretty upset about what he'd just heard.  Justin put his arm around Chris' neck and said, "Man, it's over.  I'll just be more careful from now on.  It was stupid of me to think I could just waltz in and buy a Coke by myself.  I guess I understand now what Johnny is always harping about."

Chris nodded and pointed his finger at Justin.  "You're right," he said.  "You better not ever do it again, ya stupid kid."

"Thanks, Old Man.  I knew I could count on you," Justin said as he smiled at Chris.  "I'm so hungry!  Let's see what Joey & Lance want for dinner."

As he followed Justin, JC had wondered just how 'over' it really was behind Justin's stormy blue eyes.

++END OF FLASHBACK++

There on Justin's sofa, JC realized that what he had feared would happen was happening.  They all noticed it, especially Johnny, who had talked to Justin a few times about how important it was for them to show their appreciation to the fans.  It wasn't something Justin was doing consciously or spitefully, but recently, he had been pulling away from the people who made it all possible.  They'd had a few close calls since that night, which just seemed to make Justin more apprehensive and jumpy.  Actual physical contact with a mob had happened only the one time but it had sent him over the edge in crowds since then.

Justin didn't enjoy the Meet & Greets anymore, knowing that he'd be face to face and within reaching distance of the fans.  Mike made it his mission after that to be Justin's shadow at all times, far more present than he had ever been.  At the same time, Justin had also pulled out of some appearances claiming illness or prior engagements.  Justin rarely stopped to pose for pictures or give autographs anymore.

The fans noticed Justin's distance and several would comment angrily when Justin would rush by, barely acknowledging them.  *NSYNC had always prided themselves on being in touch with their fans.  Justin had become so far out of touch, that JC decided he had to talk to him as soon as possible.  He didn't have a good feeling about what it all meant.

"What the hell is taking you so freakkin' long, man?" JC yelled up the stairs, as Justin came barreling down two at a time.

"I'm here.  I'm here.  Chill out!  Jeez!" Justin said as he ran out his front door and waited for JC.  Upon climbing into JC's car, JC asked Justin why he really was late.  Justin mumbled something and turned up the radio.  JC decided to let it drop until another time and sped off down the freeway towards the Wright Estate, complete with Justin singing with the radio at the top of his lungs.