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Pharmacists Watch!

A young man goes into a pharmacy to buy condoms.

The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants.

"Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the" night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that.

Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack."

The young man makes his purchase and leaves.

Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents.

He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes.

The girl leans over and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person."

He leans over to her and says, "You never told me that your father is a pharmacist."

Maths for thought!

Girls = Time x Money

but, Time = Money

thus, Girls = (Money)²

if, Money = √ (Evil)

then, (Money)² = Evil

Joke of the Day!

This page is committed to give a chance for up and coming comedians to publish their works in front of a wider audience (yeah, right). (Ok, so you just forwarded your e-mail to me!)

I’ll will be publishing jokes deemed tasteful, witty and hilarious by an expert judging panel (ok, it’s just me!) so keep them rolling in!

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Try to enter the command: C:\I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and download Tears 6.2 to install Guilt 3.0. If all works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create Snoring Loudly .WAV files. Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have a limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck,

Tech Support

(26/01/2004)

Barrier draw for Race #1:

1. Passionate Lady
2. Bare Belly
3. Silk Panties
4. Conscience
5. Jockey Shorts
6. Clean Sheets
7. Thighs
8. Big Dick
9. Heavy Bosom
10. Merry Cherry

At the Post: And they're off! Conscience is left behind at the post. Jockey Shorts and Silk Panties are off in a hurry. Heavy Bosom is being pressured. Passionate Lady is caught between Thighs, and Big Dick is in a very dangerous spot.

At the Halfway Mark: It's Bare Belly on top. Thighs open
and Big Dick is pressed in. Heavy Bosom is being pushed hard against Clean Sheets. Passionate Lady and Thighs are working hard on Bare Belly. Bare Belly is under terrific pressure from Big Dick.

At the Stretch: Merry Cherry cracks under the strain. Big Dick is making a final drive. Bare Belly is in and Passionate Lady is coming.

At the Finish: It's Big Dick giving everything he's got and Passionate Lady takes everything Big Dick has to offer. It looks like a dead heat but Big Dick comes through with one final squirt and wins by a head. Bare Belly shows. Thighs weaken, and Heavy Bosom pulls up. Clean Sheets never had a chance.

(13/09/2001)

The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A death. What's that, a bonus?!?

I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you go to live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, go collect all your super, then, when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.

You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You drink alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities.

You become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating with luxuries like central heating, spa, room service on tap, then you finish off as an orgasm.

(12/04/2001)

Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt." Now, you can handle the situation. Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Knee-Deep Schitt Inc.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt and the deeply religious couple produced 6 children: Holie Schitt, the twins; Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt and Bull Schitt, a high school dropout.

After being married for 15 years Jack and Noe divorced. Noe later married Mr. Sherlock and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock.

Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a cowardly son, Chicken Schitt. Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt were inseparable throughout childhood and consequently, married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.

The Schitt-Happens children are Dawg, Byrd and Horse. Bull Schitt the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned with his new bride, Pisa Schitt.

Now, when someone says you don't know Jack Schitt, you can correct them.