5.02.01

honestly, it seems as if my life is flying by now. i haven’t done much since i got laid off from the track, and i’ve lost almost all my motivation. i’m gonna become one of those people who just lie around all day watching Oprah and The Price Is Right. “higher, damn it, bid higher!” it used to be i couldn’t wake up past 8am, my body wouldn’t let me..now my body won’t let me get up before 11:00. i’m desperately looking for work, but i must inform you that work in this town is sparse, and minimum wage is the norm. i’ll be damned if i take a job that actually requires skill for minimum wage. grrr... i think i’m gonna have to. i can’t afford to live on unemployment (if i ever receive it..why couldn’t i listen when my father told me to put money in the bank? maybe i wouldn’t be so stressed out.) i’ve been having migraines almost everyday. i think i’m having anxiety attacks..of course, that could just be because i see the infomercial on it all the time (subliminal messages are a bitch). it’s really pathetic that when you’re 21 you feel like you’re 50. i’m sure the gray hair will be coming in soon. i’ll give it another week...anyone wanna go in on a pool with me to guess which day it will be? i’ve filled my vacant days with tv and books (my own of course, because the library here blows) and i’m beginning to run out. soon i’ll be reading the back of the baking soda box for intellectual stimulation. oh, how dismal and useless i’ve become. julie