"Time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time."
-- I don't know who coined this phrase, but he's one smart dude.

This whole thing started when our beloved founder, Tim Ellington, called a few of us into his office. "T-Bird2" now develops Klingon drinking games or something, but back then he was our college newspaper advisor, I.E. a man we thought possessed infinite knowledge (how naive we all were). At any rate, I think the conversation went something as follows:

Tim: "I've come up with a plan that will make me a lot of money at your expense. We're starting a fantasy football league. I'll be the commissioner. Each of you will give me $10 to get into the league, and I'll keep the money at the end of the year after humiliating you on the field of battle."

Rob (paper advertising director, has college diploma, lacks sense): "Killer."

Hodges (works under Rob -- 'nuff said): "Fantasy what? I've been on that Web site."

Baysden (paper's news editor, had it on his license plate): "What if we say no?"

Tim: "You can't. I'm your hero. Plus, I'm in an influential position and can take advantage of you."

Baysden: "Your will is my command."

Tim: "Now, as an added benefit, we'll have a party at the end of the season and you all will buy me beer and tell me how great I am."

Marc (also works under Rob, thought he was God's gift to everything): "A party! Will there be women there? I'm God's gift to them."

Tim: "Hush, you tool. We'll have a draft to select players. To be fair about the whole thing, I'll take the second pick. Marc, you can have the first pick because you're the only one dumb enough not to select Brett Favre with the first pick."

Rob: "Hey, that's not true."

Tim: "You're right. But I want Marc to feel the humiliation of making the league's first truly bonehead move."

Rob: "Killer."

Tim: "Good. Now, who's in?"

Group (in chorus): "You can count me in. How else may we serve you, Great One?"

OK, so maybe it didn't go exactly like that. My memory fails me (much like many of my professors at State). But I'm sure that's pretty close to what happened.

Just so history won't go by without being recorded for future generations, here's a list of teams and people that participated in the league:

• The original eight:

T-Bird2 (owner: Tim Ellington)

The devil himself. No, Tim's really a nice guy. But he did win all our money that first season, and snaked his way into 2nd in the second season to beat me by one lousy point. Wisely quit his job at N.C. State and moved to Virginia with his lovely wife and lovely dogs. Still in the league, still kicking our butts and taking our money.

The Weathermen (owner: Chris Baysden)

The eternal pessimist. Told us how bad his team sucked each year, and boy it did. Became editor-in-chief of the newspaper, graduated, now works at a web site and searches for the meaning of life. (It's right here man, fantasy football.) Still in the league.

Carolina Killers (owner: Steve Hodges)

Won the league championship in the second season at the draft when he lucked into Brett Favre because the guy who finished last the year before didn't play again. Was also the league commissioner last year. Hmmm ... the guy who has each year (1) been commissioner and (2) had Brett Favre on his team has gone on to win the league. Coincidence? Still in the league.

The Jayhawks (owner: Jason King)

Flashback: League's first year, I draft Jimmy H-bomb in the second round, Ironhead 'zest-fully clean' Heyward in the third. Managed to sign some good free agents somewhere down the line, then for some reason felt the need to trade them to T-Bird2 so he could win the league. Still trying to orchestrate the league's first three-way deal (insert three-way joke here). Still in the league.

Moonshine (owner: Rob Sadler)

Best known for saying "killer" a lot. Played one year, then his wife made him stop playing. Where's our love?

Raleigh Rednecks (owner: Jennings)

No one's quite sure if that's his first or last name. Played one year.

MJP Speedwagon (owner: Mike Preston)

One-time sports editor of the college paper. His team used to take the field singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin' you." Maybe that's why they finished dead last that first year and why he didn't play the next.

Ace in the Hole (owner: Marc Greenspoon)

Every league's got one owner no one can stand. This guy was TFFL's George Steinbrenner (or Marge Schott, whoever you despise more). Arrogant (was referred to as "Ass in the Hole") and not-so-bright (once asked: "How do you get to nfl.com?"). Played one year and no more, thank God.

• Season II joinees:

The Berserkers (owner: Kevin Ring)

Kev got all excited when his team was in first for a couple of weeks near the beginning of Season II, then traded with The Jayhawks and dropped like a rock in the standings. Lesson learned? Still in the league.

The Bottlerockets (owner: Ron Batcho)

Had no reason to get excited in his first season; his team sucked all year. Somehow pulled a seventh-place finish out of his ass. How did he do that, anyway? Oh yeah, see next entry.

Beenie Babies (owner: Charles Beene)

Moved to N.C. from Colorado and thought he was just going to kick everybody's butt. And he did, up until Week 10. What can I say, I drafted his team. Hell, I named his team. Got cocky (imagine that) and decided he didn't want to trade with anybody or make any roster moves. Finished dead last, but won the all-important Brett Favre sweepstakes. Ended up losing out on Favre because he couldn't make the draft because he was on vacation (bosses do that a lot). Franchise folded after Season II because of lack of fan interest.

Collard Greens (owner: Matt Lail)

Two-thirds of the way into Season II, and no one had heard from Matt Lail. I'm sure he just wasn't paying any attention, but his team was in last place by a lot. I felt sorry for the guy. So i sent him an e-mail and said "You should start that Karim Abdula-Jabbara instead of Leroy Hoard. And put that Steve Young guy in." Next thing I know, Matt's making a charge for the front and everyone's scared. Finished in fourth, but taught me an important lesson: never give other league owners advice, no matter how much you feel sorry for them or like them because they're your friends. Team folded after Season IV.

Alas, that's the nature of fantasy football. It's addictive as a drug, will turn brother against brother ... and for what? Bragging rights? A little money? I don't know. We all have to waste our spare time in some way.

Uh-oh. With expansion comes more history ...

• Season III joinees:

The Gamblers (owner: David DePratter)

Dave's best known around the league as the guy that married my sister. And, even though my sister has no idea of the existence of any of these guys, other league owners are jealous and think they should be the ones marrying my sister. At any rate, I drafted his team for him, and if history repeats itself Dave will be on top of the league from weeks 3-10. We'll see ...

Hominy Swampers (owner: Brian Jones)

I'll admit, I know nothing of this guy except he's (a) Bubba's buddy from Rich-lands, (b) he's actually from a place called Hominy and that place is swampy (i guess he doesn't want to be associated with Rich-lands, and who could blame him) and (c) he couldn't make the draft because he was having something from his neck removed. ??? Other league owners have speculated he just didn't want to drive to Raleigh, and it may have been a tie he was removing from his neck, but we won't jump to any conclusions ...

• Season IV joinee:

Wile E. Coyotes (owner: Bill Overton)

After diversifying and adding a couple of non-Technician alums to the fold, we got back to basics and took in a former sports editor. Other than the fact that he's a Yankees fan, Billo's a good guy, and he's been easy money his first two seasons. Just the kind of guy we like having in our league!

• Season V joinee:

Jellypop Fighters (owner: Todd McGee)

Because we like easy money, we allowed McGee to join for the 2000 season. Another former Technician sports editor (from old, old school), Todd named his team after his newborn son, appropriately nicknamed Jelly (at 9 months he was taller than the 20-something Baysden ... OK, so that's average for 9-month-olds.)

• Season VI joinee:

Heelbillys (owner: Wayne McPeters)

Despite grave concerns, the league finally broke down and admitted a UNC-Chapel Hell alum to the mix for 2001. We in part have Hominy Swampers to thank for this, who resigned just as he was getting good at this fantasy thing (OK, so maybe that's not so bad for the rest of us). Like most other cocky first-timers before him, the Hellbilly was so sure of a top-three finish in the league he guaranteed a pitcher of beer to the Commish if he finished fourth or lower. For the record, the baby-blue bastard finished eighth, and I'm still waiting for my beer.