Love. What is it?

   What exactly is love, and how does one define it? What are the criteria for someone to be "in love?" When people discuss love, are they referring to romantic or platonic love? In either case, the criteria and definitions of love vary from person to person. Love is an emotion and each person will feel the same emotion under different circumstances or different emotions under the same circumstances. The emotion itself is dependent on being felt by an individual, and another person can never experience this unique feeling although they may experience similar to nearly identical feelings. When I discuss love here, I refer solely to romantic love. The definitions and criteria for romantic love can never be standardized due to the previously mentioned reasons, so I shall refer to my definition of love and my criteria to be "in love."

     To me, love is a feeling combined with the feelings of trust, respect, caring, thoughtfulness, sharing, and reciprocation. Love is dependent on attraction on both a physical and mental level. The mental connection is obviously more important, since the physical features that determine the physical attraction are naturally degenerative. I can not fall "in love" with some who physically repulses me or has the personality of a paper plate. Being in love with someone is dependant on both people connecting in these ways, and sharing these other feelings. Love is thus dependent on the other person possessing the qualities that you desire, and on the other person seeking the qualities that you have. The bond of love is created over time, not in an instant, but can be broken in an instant or gradually over time. Since being "in love" requires an intimate knowledge of the other person to know if they have the qualities which you desire, one can not fall "in love" at first sight. Love at first sight is, and should be described, as lust at first sight, however the "love at first sight" fallacy is taught to us at an early age. It is one of many social issues that are presented to us as a "Disneyfied" version of a Victor Hugo classic.

     What do I mean by saying a "Disneyfied" version of a Hugo classic? Well, in the Disney film all of the major players possess certain qualities. Esmeralda is vibrant, Quasimodo is caring, Archdeacon Dom Claude Frollo is cruel and evil, and Captain Phoebus is heroic. Frollo kills Quasimodo's mother, tries to kidnap and marry Esmeralda, and tries to dispatch anyone who tries to get between him and his goals. Esmeralda is a caring and kind street performer who puts others before her. Quasimodo is a dreamer who is caring, and who helps to save the day while overcoming the evil Frollo. And Captain Phoebus resists the wrongs of Frollo to help Quasimodo rid the Paris of the tyrant and to save Esmeralda. In the end, everyone is happy and alive.   However, the Hugo classic varies dramatically. None of the characters are purely good or evil. Frollo adopts Quasimodo from the church and cares for him when no one else will. Esmeralda is sweet and caring, but she is a thief who looks out for her interests. Quasimodo is deaf and lonely, and does whatever Frollo asks since Frollo cares so well for him, but he becomes obsessed with Esmeralda and has the same feelings and thoughts towards her that Frollo has. Captain Phoebus is more of a brute than a hero. In the end of the Hugo classic, the principal players are dead, and presumably only Quasimodo dies happy (after sneaking into Esmeralda's tomb).

     But I digress. Love and life are not a Disney film; they are not a Hugo classic. They are closer to the Hugo classic since we have our moments of joy, our moments of sorrow, and we we aren't guarenteed we will live "happily ever after". Love is not a simple as the Disneyfied version we are taught as children. It is complex in that we search for someone who has the qualities we look for, and who makes us feel happy, secure, attractive, and all of the emotions that we associate with being "in love." We continue this search even though the odds are against us finding someone to love, because falling in love requires two people looking for qualities that the other possesses.

     I continue my own test for echo much like everyone else. I go out, meet people, tlak to them, and find people whose company I enjoy for whatever reason. If anyone is lucky, you may fall "in love" with someone. I have been "in love" with someone once, and I hope to meet another special person to fall "in love" with. However, I know this will not be an easy task, since I am looking for certain qualities in a woman, and I know that she will be looking for certain qualities in a man as well. If I am lucky I'll possess those qualities she is looking for. I know that the odds are slim that two people will meet and possess the qualities that the other is looking for, and have had many moments when I was sure I would never find someone to spend the rest of my life with. This disheartens me until I stop to realize that these odds are the same for everyone. There is that chance that I won't find the person I am looking for, but this is no exception from everyone else. Many people find love and live happily ever after, while many people do not find love and are happy with their life. No matter what happens, it will not be a unique experience for someone else has been there. For that reason, I shall not be disappointed if I grow old alone, and I will be overjoyed if I do not. All I can really do is live life and enjoy every minute I can.