HOUSE OF PAYNE INTERNATIONAL: Archive
"All Good Things, Part II"
(Continued)
SCENE SEVEN
KIRK [voiceover]: Ship�s log, Admiral James T. Kirk, Stardate one-nine-six-nine point seven. En route to a convention in Omaha, Mr. Spock and myself beamed aboard the Enterprise D to take advantage of Starfleet�s Elderhostel program. To our shock and surprise, the ship is in total disarray.[Scene opens with KIRK and SPOCK wandering around the corridors looking lost. The ship is a disaster. FERENGI are everywhere, with whips and phasers. Many of the crew are in chains. Tasha Yar, Romulan Tasha Yar, and Alternate Universe Tasha Yar are all cuddling with some rich Ferengi. TROI and her mother are both chained up on the bridge in Princess Leia-esque metal bikinis. In the transporter room, the anonymous redshirts are beaming anyone and everyone aboard, including a couple of Borg who then roam the halls, assimilating Ferengi and the Enterprise crew alike. Through all this wander KIRK and SPOCK. Whenever one of the hostile beings approaches and threatens them, SPOCK delivers a nerve pinch.]
SPOCK [with tricorder]: Curious, Captain. We have seen no officers at all. Highly illogical.
KIRK: Well, this never would have happened when I was in command of this ship, I�ll tell you that. I guess now we know why somebody never made admiral.
[SPOCK arches an eyebrow. At that moment, WESLEY runs in, out of breath and his hair wild.]
WESLEY: Thank goodness! We�re saved! Do you have phasers? Are there reinforcements?
SPOCK: Boy, what is your name?
WESLEY: Wesley, sir, and we�re in desperate need of-
SPOCK: Shut up, Wesley. The admiral and myself are tired from our journey and wish to be escorted to our rooms.
KIRK: And where is the captain? He should have been here to welcome us on board.
WESLEY: Sir! The ship has been taken over! We�re at war!
KIRK: War or no war, there are certain rules of courtesy that ought to be observed, especially for people of our stature. Do you have any idea who I am? While your father was in diapers, I was out there on the frontiers of space, making the galaxy safe for democracy. [to SPOCK] And do we get any thanks? [SPOCK shakes his head sadly.] That�s the next generation for you. No gratitude, no respect.
WESLEY: I�m very sorry, Admiral, but Captain Picard and most of the bridge crew are prisoners of the Ferengi. They�ve been locked up in the brig!
KIRK [to SPOCK]: Well, at least I don�t have to have dinner with that imbecile Picard. He always has to try to top my stories. I�m twice the explorer he is! I�ve dated more new life and new civilizations than he�ll ever discover!
SPOCK: [Nods agreement] Now, show us to our rooms, boy.
WESLEY [sullenly]: Aye, sir.
SCENE EIGHT
[Scene opens in the arena again. WORF fights a Changeling which rapidly morphs through various forms, including a Borg, a Cardassian, a Romulan, a Ferengi, a Klingon, and a 1969 Klingon. WORF beats up each form.]SCENE NINE
[Scene opens in the brig. PICARD, JEORDI, RIKER, Q, CRUSHER, GUINAN, and REDSHIRT #3 are all crammed into one cell.]PICARD: There�s got to be some way out of here! Q, man, use your powers! Get us out of here!
Q: Oh, [wrings hands] I can�t! The continuum took away my powers. I�m just another mortal until I learn my lesson and behave.
RIKER: Again?
Q [in anguish]: Until the end of this episode at the very least! [Begins to cry.]
CRUSHER: [Hugs Q.] There, there, sweetie. It�s okay.
PICARD: So, is there a chance someone could come to rescue us?
JEORDI: Not likely, Captain. They took us by surprise. We did what we could, but it was just too fast. They probably control almost the entire ship by now.
RIKER: [Nods.] Last I knew, the only area still in Federation hands was the medical deck.
[Cut to a shot of the medical deck. Ferengi are in the corridors, cowering behind hastily erected barricades. In the doorway is Dr. Pulaski, chomping on a cigar and chuckling cruelly, and dealing out death from an immense phaser rifle.]
PICARD: So we can�t count on outside help.
RIKER: No, sir.
PICARD: Mr. LaForge, you know this ship inside and out. Is there any way to somehow get through the force field that hold us in here?
JEORDI: Well, I don�t think we can get through it, but there might be a way to get around it.
PICARD: How?
JEORDI: Well, the force field takes very little energy to stay as it is now. [Gestures to the force field.] You can hardly even see it. But, if someone touches it... [Gestures to the Captain, who reaches out and touches the field, which immediately shocks him and throws him back into the wall.]
PICARD: Aaaauuuuggghh!!! Bloody hell!
JEORDI: As you can see, whenever contact is made, there is a tremendous output of energy.
GUINAN: You can say that again.
JEORDI: Now, every system in the Enterprise is prioritized, so that in the event of a power loss, the least necessary items can be cut out first. If we repeatedly stress the force field by making contact with it, then it�s theoretically possible that we can drain the ship�s power enough to cause it to shut off the force fields in the brig.
PICARD: Incredible, Jeordi!
RIKER: How many times should we have to make contact with the field before it shuts itself off?
JEORDI: It�s hard to say... I would estimate... 34 million times.
GUINAN: 34 million?
JEORDI: Well, these fields are the last thing to go before life support.
RIKER: Let�s not waste time talking. We�ve got work to do. [RIKER picks up REDSHIRT #3 by the seat of the pants and the scruff of the neck and throws him into the force field, which delivers a powerful shock. The REDSHIRT screams. RIKER picks him up again and repeats the action, again and again and again.]
PICARD [speaking over the REDSHIRT�s screams]: If only Data and Worf were here...
COMMERCIAL BREAK
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