| Letting Go July 11, 2003 I tremble with fear, Desperate, I try to hold on. I'm too afraid to let go, Even though I know it's better with you. I feel it slipping from my grasp, I shake, my heard racing, Can I trust anybody but myself? What will happen if I let go? You say that my worry will melt away, But how can it when you seem so far? Please, I beg, stay beside me. Do not hide your face from me when I need you most. Cradle me in the palm of your hand, And help me to face my one-eyed monster. For I am never alone, You are always here, I just pray that your presence you won't withdraw, And that you will lend me some strength to lean upon. Because I don't want to be afraid anymore. |
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| The High Priority July 11, 2003 Memos and e-mails, Work and play, It seems I'm busying My life away. I go about my tasks, Completely unware, That everywhere I go, You are watchfully there. And then you speak to me, So loud and clear, You say I've been missing the point, Of why I was sent here. And from your words, You helped me see. Your plan became exposed, The purpose you've set out for me. For it's not about work or play, Money, popularity, or things. It's about learning to love by giving, And all the joy it brings. I am not defined by how I dress, Or where I work and what I do. All that matters in the grand scheme of things, Is how much I can be like You. Today, right now, You're giving me a fresh new start, I'm asking You to come in, And once again take hold of my heart. And so if in life, If only one thing I learn to do, I pray it will be to teach me to love like Jesus, Deeply, genuinely, and true. |
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| The Wills at Bay August 4, 2003 Why do I feel the way I do? Even though I know it's not true to You. Just when I thought I'd beaten it, It comes back again, And I step into the ring for another round. Inside, a great battle is underway. I know what's right, I want what's right, But I'm just too attached; I hold on. I don't know how to let go. Thoughts firing through my head, Back and forth they go, Each one with something different to say. I sit still as I listen and try to discern, You voice mingled among the fray. I know the answer is simple, But that doesn't make it easy. The more I learn the harder I must fight, Not to be led off the path, You have set so clearly before me. |
| Rambling #1: August 7, 2003 Strength in this context is not physical strength (though I'm sure that you already know that!) People mix up the definition of humility. Humility is not thinking LESS of yourself, it's thinking of yourself LESS. So in this sense, strength is talking about standing up to temptation and defeating it, not backing down when someone attacks our God and Jesus Christ, and keeping a healthy psychy. It's not that Christians don't have faith in themselves. It's not like that at all. In fact, they have more faith in what they can do, because they know that God is behind them. But the whole thing about it is realizing that we would be nothing without Him. You can chose to live without God, but you can't change the fact that it was him who gave us all life. He chose to put us here. And so, you can try all you want to say that you got here on your own, but you didn't. Even if you don't believe in God, it was because of science that you live, not because of some inner strength that lies in you. If it is perfection that you are striving for, yes, you can get a little bit closer by looking inside and looking at what other people are doing. But let's not forget that there was only one person who ever lived a perfect life, and that's Jesus. So ultimately, if you want to try to attain perfection, you have to use him as a model. But because humans by nature are flawed, our strength only goes so far... everyone has a breaking point. God knows that. That's why he promised to us that when we choose to look to Jesus as our model of how to live, he will help us along the way. How? By his spirit that comes to dwell in our hearts. What does this do? Will we attain perfection on earth? No, because we are still in human form, and humans are flawed. But when we make that choice, time doesn't run out with death. We can perfect our strength in the next step, when we take on our new, and perfect form. So here's the human strength part: it's our choice to make that decision. Here's the relying on God part: it is him that will help us and guide us, until the point when, by Jesus' side, we will reach perfection. People think that Christians are weak. I say that they are strong, because the Bible says that God demonstrates his strength, despite, and sometimes through, our weakness. There is no strength greater than the power of God. |
| Reflections... November 12, 2003 Oh Sweet Saviour, Day after day, you show me again and again, Just how silly I am not to trust you with all my heart. I stress out over such little things... but You have carried me, Jesus Through thick and thin. You never stop providing for me Lord. In all you give me, I think that sometimes I forget the magnitude of your grace. I am so blessed, My road has been easy, Relative to other people I know. I fear that one day everything will melt away, And I will be left with nothing left, in an instant... What a selfish worry of mine! For if I lost everything, I would still have everything, Because I would still have You. You reveal your true power in my weakness, And day by day, I can see you moving around me. Thank you, Lord of my heart, For showing me yourself in my life. |