-
"Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead.
Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me,
either; just #$%^ off and leave me alone."
-
"The journey of a thousand miles begins with
a broken fan belt and a flat tire."
-
"It's always darkest before dawn. So if
you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do
it."
-
"Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be
replaced, you can't be promoted."
-
"No one is listening until you make a
mistake."
-
"Always remember you're unique, just like
everyone else."
-
"Never test the depth of the water with both
feet."
-
"It may be that your sole purpose in life is
simply to serve as a warning to others."
-
"It is far more impressive when others
discover your good qualities without your help."
-
"If you think nobody cares if you're alive,
try missing a couple of car payments."
-
"Before you criticize someone, you should
walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile
away and you have their shoes."
-
"If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is
not for you."
-
"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a
day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat & drink beer all
day."
-
"If you lend someone $20, and never see that
person again, it was probably worth it."
-
"Don't squat with your spurs on."
-
"If you drink, don't park; accidents cause
people."
-
"The quickest way to double your money is to
fold it in half and put it back in your pocket."
-
"Duct tape is like the force; it has a light
side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together."
-
"Some days you are the bug, some days you
are the windshield."
-
"Rome did not create a great empire by
having meetings...they did it by killing all those who opposed them."
-
"If you can stay calm, while all around you
is chaos...then you probably haven't completely understood the seriousness
of the situation."
-
"Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the
job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security."
-
"Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get
sucked into jet engines."
-
"Artificial Intelligence is no match for
Natural Stupidity."
-
"A person who smiles in the face of
adversity... probably has a scapegoat."
-
"If at first you don't succeed, try
management."
-
"Never put off until tomorrow what you can
avoid altogether."
-
"TEAMWORK... means never having to take all
the blame yourself."
-
"Never underestimate the power of very
stupid people in large groups."
-
"Hang in there, retirement is only thirty
years away!"
-
"Go the extra mile. It makes your boss look
like an incompetent slacker."
-
"A snooze button is a poor substitute for no
alarm clock at all."
-
"When the going gets tough, the tough take a
coffee break."
-
"Aim Low, Reach Your Goals, Avoid
Disappointment."
-
"Drunk is feeling sophisticated when you
can't say it."
-
"It is dangerous to be sincere unless you
are also stupid."
-
"Sometimes... when you cry... no one sees
your tears..." "Sometimes... when you are worried... no one sees
your pain... "
"Sometimes... when you are happy... no one sees your smile..."
"But fart just one time..."
"Women are
like abstracts... It's easier to
enjoy them if you don't try to understand them."
"Men are
like a fine wine... They all start out like grapes and it's a woman's job to
stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something
you'd like to have dinner with."
"There are two rules to success in life:
1. Don't tell people everything you know."
"Getting
married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends... You order
what you want, then when you see what the other person has, you wish you had
ordered that..."
"Do not
argue with a spouse who is packing your parachute."
-
"Needing
someone is like needing a parachute. If they
aren't there the first time, chances are you won't be needing them
again."
-
"Never argue
with an idiot, they'll just bring you down
to their level and beat you with experience."
-
"Never fight
with an ugly man... They have nothing to loose."
-
"Money is not everything. There's Mastercard & Visa."
-
"Save water... Shower with your girl friend."
-
"Love the neighbor. But don't get caught."
-
"Behind every successful man, there is a woman. And
behind every unsuccessful man, there are two."
-
"Every man should marry. After all, happiness is not the
only thing in life."
-
"The wise never marry, And when they marry they become
otherwise."
-
"Success is a relative term. It brings so many
relatives."
-
"Love is photogenic It needs darkness to develop."
-
"Children in backseats cause accidents and Accidents in
backseats cause children."
-
"Your future depends on your
dreams, so go to sleep."
-
"There should be a better way to start day than waking
up every morning."
-
"Hard work never killed
anybody... But why take the risk!"
-
"Work fascinates
me... I can look at it for hours!"
-
"God made relatives; Thank God we can choose our
friends."
-
"When two's company, three's the result!"
-
"A dress is like a barbed fence. It protects the
premises without restricting the view."
-
"The more you learn, the more you know, The more you
know, the more you forget The more you forget, the less you know So why bother to learn."
