| LIFE AFTER JOE |
 |
| So life goes on. Never the same, always different. The world keeps turning, the days and nights still come and go, the children still need feeding, the bills still need paying, the grass still grows. So why do I feel like I am standing still. Why does the world not stand still with me. |
| Some days I do not want to be Mummy any more. What is the point. Nobody told me that being Mum would be this painfull. Nobody told me I might have to bury my Baby. They sure did'nt cover that topic at antenatal classes. |
| Other days I feel overwhelmed with love for the children I have. Happy, Healthy a son and a daughter. What more could I ask for. |
| We had Joe cremated and brought him home to live with us forever. He will stay with his Mum and Dad always our precious Baby. He will never get into trouble, he will never leave home, he will never get sick, he will never feel pain and heathache. We will always be able to protect him. |
| We are making a memorial garden at the end of our back garden for Joe. A place where we can sit and be alone with our Love for him. Spend time with him and teach our children about him. |
| At the moment the future seems bleak. I have lost all sense of direction in my life but know that the path I follow will be different to the one I had mapped out. Nothing can be taken for granted anymore. I know that I seek a change in career and hope that I will become a better person. I have began attending a local spiritualist charch. The mediums give such wonderful talks and whilst I am not a particularly religious person have always felt that there must be something after death of the body. I will continue going for as long as I find it of comfort. |
| I attended my first SANDS meeting. I have never been in a room with so many brave people and heard so many stories of tradgedy. It was a humbling experience and I look forward to the next meeting and seeing all the girls again. |
| For any one visiting Joe's pages who has not suffered this kind of loss but knows someone who has I want to share the following about my experience so far. |
| The pain is beyond words. I will not get over this but in time I will learn to live with it. I need people who will just listen and support me. Keeping your distance makes me feel rejected. Not talking about my lost child makes me feel that his life was not important. I may be young but that does not mean that I can replace the child I lost. He was not a tin of beans and I can't just go and get another one. Some people who have suffered this kind of loss do go on to have more children but those children are different, poeple in their own right, never a replacement. I will never forget my lost child and will always love him just as much as I love the others and sometimes probably more. |
| I have been fortunate to have a good network of family and friends to support me and my family through this so far. The time that they have taken to be with us has been so precious and they will never know how deeply grateful I am. Thank you is such a small word but what else can I say. |
 |
| IN LOVING MEMORY OF JOSEPH DAVID JOHNSON DATE OF BIRTH 12TH MARCH 2002 HEAVEN DATE 17TH APRIL 2002. MARK JOHN POCOCK DATE OF BIRTH 12TH MAY 1969 HEAVEN DATE 28TH OCTOBER 1985. |
|
| Thank you for the snowglobe. Gran Grans |
 |
| To return to Joe's hompage follow link; |
 |
|