The birds have to use pot holders to pull worms out of the ground.
The potatoes cook underground, and all you have to do to have lunch is to pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper.
Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard boiled eggs.
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"It's So Dry In Texas That..."
The cows are giving evaporated milk A sad Texan once prayed, "I wish it would rain - not so much for me, cuz I've seen it - but for my 7-year-old."
A visitor to Texas once asked, "Does it ever rain out here?" A rancher quickly answered "Yes, it does. Do you remember that part in the Bible where it rained for 40 days and 40 nights?" The visitor replied, "Yes, I'm familiar with Noah's flood." "Well," the rancher puffed up, we got about two and a half inches of that."
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"You Know You're In Texas When..."
You no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water.
You can say 110 degrees without fainting.
You eat hot chilies to cool your mouth off.
You can make instant sun tea.
You learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.
The temperature drops below 95, you feel a bit chilly.
You discover that in July, it takes only 2 fingers to drive your car.
You discover that you can get a sunburn through your car window.
You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of
distance.
Hot water now comes out of both taps.
It's noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one person is
out on the streets.
You actually burn your hand opening the car door.
You break a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m. before work.
No one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car or not having
air conditioning.
Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"
You realize that asphalt has a liquid state. (And I might add:" Since I arrived in Texas, I've seen more windmills and less water, more cows and less milk, seen further and seen less than any country I've ever been in."
Memories - I remember seeing movies with the following items in them.
1. Blackjack chewing gum
2. Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water
3. Candy cigarettes
4. Soda pop machines that dispensed bottles
5. Coffee shops with table side jukeboxes
6. Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers
7. Party lines
8. Newsreels before the movie
9. P.F. Flyers
10. Butch wax
11. Telephone numbers with a word prefix (Olive - 6933)
12. Pea shooters
13. Howdy Doody
14. 45 RPM records
15. S&H Green Stamps
16. Hi-fi's
17. Metal ice trays with levers
18. Mimeograph paper
19. Blue flashbulbs
20. Beanie and Cecil
21. Roller skate keys
22. Cork popguns
23. Drive-ins
24. Studebakers
25. Wash tub wringers
If you remembered 0-5 You're still young
If you remembered 6-10 You are getting older
If you remembered 11-15 Don't tell your age
If you remembered 16-25 You're older than death
