| September 18, 2003 - It's good I don't have magical powers |
| Dear Friends, everyone should be extremely thankful that I don't have magical powers, no matter how fantabulous I might be. For if I had magical powers, there would be a few people in a heap of trouble...like the guy who was shooting off bottle rockets Tuesday night from 10:00 until 11:30 out in front of my bedroom window. This teenager was soooo stupid. He thought nobody could see him, yet I watched him as he walked back and forth from his apartment building to a small shrub by the street to set them off. I finally yelled out to him "I can seeeeeee yooooouuuu" and then called the police. Four squad cars and a wagon showed up, but they really didn't do anything but look around. And I guess that kind of scared him, because he quit for the evening. Now if I had had magical powers, the moment he lit the third or fourth rocket, I would have zapped him with my hate-filled magic. Flames would have shot out of his butt and he would have been launched into the air instead of the rocket. Then he would have fallen in a bloody heap in front of the police station where he would have died a few minutes later. Alternatively, I could have flown down from my fourth-story window, ripped both of his arms off and thrown them into a dumpster. Then he would have died a few minutes later. I used to have a really noisy neighbor who always had his TV turned up really loud because he was hard of hearing. In my dreams about getting even with him using my dark powers, I always envisioned waving my arms and the electricity to the one electrical outlet the TV was plugged into would shut off. Then when he tried to mess with the plug or the TV, a bazillion volts would course through his body and he would die a few minutes later. Have you, Dear Friends, ever had secret wishes like that? The only way to truly get revenge and not suffer legal consequences would really be to have magical powers. And, of course, as you're bewitching your victims you have to cackle maniacally and let them see you so they'll know that you're the source of their punishment. I would be kind of like Carrie, but more fantabulous. Whereas she just shook and trembled as she burned down the highschool gym, I would smile charmingly at my enemies as their teeth flew out of their mouths one by one or they started coughing up slugs like in Harry Potter. I bet you didn't know that JOHNNYLEEN could conjure up such vicious thoughts! Well I can, so there! In a way it's therapeutic and if more people acted out their revenge in their heads instead of actually acting on impulse, there would probably be fewer murders in this country. That reminds me of this woman I worked with a few years ago. Her name was M. just like my friend M. So to distinguish them, my friend was Good M. and the bitch I worked with was Evil M. Evil M. did everything she could to make life difficult for me and I'll definitely have to write about all of that in one of my entries. Suffice it now to say that Evil M. had once been a highschool teacher and she could get this look on her face that was almost a challenge to you as though you were chewing gum in class. Although I agreed she should be hired after her interview, I did so with misgivings because I sensed there was something odd about her. However, I desperately needed help in the office at the time and so I reluctanctly agreed to take her on rather than having to continue interviewing people. Well, by the time she quit in a huff over her performance rating that she got from our boss, she and I were confirmed enemies. You can just imagine some of the things I thought up to do to her with my magical powers...like causing her breasts to explode or her tongue to cleave to the roof of her mouth. I despised that woman and I can't wait to tell you all about her and some of the stunts she pulled. So be certain to check back often so you can see if I've written down the Saga of Evil M.! Next entry Previous entry Go to diary entries Go back home |