| June 14, 2003 - I am astounded |
| Dear Friends, I just have to tell you something I saw last night that absolutely astounded me. I was at Ye Olde Watering Hole, where, by the way, my drink of choice was gin and tonic since beer has so many calories, and this guy, Harold, had the TV on. He likes "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" and when he's at Ye Olde Watering Hole, he turns it on with the closed-captioning set so that he'll know what's going on above the noise of the bar. Now JOHNNYLEEN has only watched that show a couple of times, because he cannot stand listening to the contestants justify their answers, as though their thought processes will somehow redeem a wrong answer or make them look less stupid. "I think the capital of Italy is Rome, because if I recall correctly from my fourth grade geography class, Paris is in France, Washington, DC is in the U.S., and Madrid is in Spain. So therefore I'll go with D. Rome, and that's my final answer." Puh-leeze! Can't you contestants spare us the agony of listening to your mental gears screech and crunch? So, anyway, they had a contestant on last night who was from Arkansas. Now, mind you, perhaps the previous contestant had said something politically inflammatory, I don't know, but this contestant went on a political diatribe! He said something along the lines that he had known President Clinton since he (i.e. the contestant) was four years old and that he himself would have made a much better president. He then went on to inform the audience and the viewers that they had no clue as to how much damage the Democrats had done to this country! I almost fell off of my barstool, except that I wasn't drunk enough yet! I personally don't care what party you, my Dear Readers, belong to, but don't you think that a game show is an inappropriate venue to voice your political opinions? I was shocked, shocked I tell you! It's kind of like throwing a birthday party for your seven year old and then forcing all the little party-goers to sign an anti-gun petition. Am I right? Of course, I am, because all of you, Dear Friends, always agree with everything I say, don't you? Yes, that's a good Dear Little Reader, tell JOHNNYLEEN he's right. So back to my drink of choice. Jason, the bartender, runs an adventure company as his main business and so he's in excellent physical shape. I told him my waist has gone up from a 29 to a 30 since I was in England and he said, "Well, JOHNNYLEEN, beer has a lot of calories in it." Now, JOHNNYLEEN absolutely cannot stand light beers; they smell and taste funny and he feels slightly nauseated after drinking one. So I asked Jason just how many calories a beer has in it, because the stationery bike in the gym tracks the number of calories you're burning when you ride it. I thought that if I could calculate how long it would take to burn off the calories in a beer, then I could time my ride on the bike just right to burn them all off. However, Jason didn't know and that information isn't on the beer bottle, so I asked him if gin had fewer calories. Jason said that gin definitely has fewer calories than beer. So guess what! Gin is now my own private version of SlimFast! On Sundays my diet will alter a bit since I sometimes go to a place where double vodka tonics are only $2.00. I feel so clever for having realized this and I just know that my waist will go down an inch by the time I leave on Thursday for Fantabulous Scandinavia, if I can just stick to my exercise and alcohol diet. When I get back from Sweden, perhaps I'll market the idea. "Weightloss through Alcohol", how does that sound? I could have my own copyrighted portion of gin and tonic mixed together that I'll call "SkinnyGinny" or maybe "Sweet & Loaded". Which one do you prefer? Whatever the name, I just know that I'd make tons of money with it. And just think, dieters would no longer be in agony while they diet, because they'd be perpetually looking at the world through booze-colored glasses! I can't begin to tell you how marvelous that all sounds! Next entry Previous entry Go to diary entries Go back home |