| May 1, 2003 - Why I don't celebrate Thanksgiving |
| Dear Friends, I know you're all just shocked about the title of today's entry. But knowing you for the open-minded people you are, I know you'll listen to my explanation. First of all, I used to celebrate Thanksgiving; particularly as a child. Ah yes, those were the days when relatives from all over would gather at my maternal grandmother's house and have a big feast followed by a big fight. My cousins and I always thought it was so funny that the adults would yell at us, "You kids shut up! I can't hear myself think!", but then they would get into arguments with one another in voices loud enough to break glass. Little JOHNNYLEEN and his cousins would then head outdoors where JOHNNYLEEN would put his hands on his hips and in as sassy a voice as he could muster he'd mimic, "You kids shut up! I can't hear myself think! We're not fighting, we're having a discussion!" Of course, we all thought that was hysterically funny; JOHNNYLEEN has always been good at making himself laugh. So anyway, until recently I used to go to Thanksgiving at some friends' house, but now that their children are older, they always go to the wife's parents' house in another state. In addition, over the years I realized that the Pilgrims weren't really that admirable anyway; in fact, they were downright nasty. Oh yes, the innocent childhood JOHNNYLEEN spent busily coloring pictures of turkeys and cranberries in grammar school (because they actually did teach grammar instead of free-spirited creativity) while listening to stories about the first Thanksgiving. The Pilgrims were very nice people whose sole wish was to worship God the way they wanted to without fear of persecution. And God rewarded them by giving them the Indians who helped them survive the harsh winter and who taught the Pilgrims that putting a dead fish in the hole where you've planted a corn seed will make the corn grow big and strong. It was only as I grew older that I began discovering the awful truth about the Pilgrims. They were actually Puritans who, it's true, had left England in order to worship as they wanted to. Their first effort took place in Holland where they decided they didn't want to remain. The "excuse" they gave was that they were afraid their children were losing their "Englishness". JOHNNYLEEN rather suspects that the real reason was that they couldn't tolerate the permissiveness of Dutch society. They must have had a lot of difficulty explaining to their children why God allowed Catholics and Jews to mingle with Protestants without striking them all dead. So they packed up their children and all of their conformist black clothing and set sail for America. There they were free to practice their religion however they wished, meting out God's justice on one another in the blink of an eye. But they had another problem facing their utopia....the Indians. I can hear a little Pilgrim child now, "Father, wherefore art the Godless savages so happy even though they know not Christ?" And Father answers, "Child, they are actually all quite miserable and unhappy; they just have not realized it yet. But we shall teach them....yes, we shall teach them." It really must have shocked their sensibilities that non-Christians could actually survive and work together as a unit. But as Mae West once said, and JOHNNYLEEN firmly agrees, "People who shock easily should be shocked more often." Of course, JOHNNYLEEN's realization that grammar school had duped him in this instance, as well as in others, shook his whole educational foundation! To this day I can't quite view George Washington in the same light since I found out he coveted his neighbor's wife and didn't really chop down a cherry tree. So what does JOHNNYLEEN do for Thanksgiving? He goes to Europe! What most people don't realize is that the airlines take advantage of American sentimentality and jack the prices for Thanksgiving travel within the U.S. waaaaaay up there, but slash the prices to Europe. I once investigated going to California to see my aunt for the holiday once. It would have cost $700, but a flight to Germany was only $350. You do the math. Next entry Previous entry Go to diary entries Go back home |