| May 5, 2003 - The Spam Mobile |
| Dear Friends, this weekend I went back Souf' for a family reunion in a town that was hosting a street festival. The street festival was kind of nice. There were different stands selling stuff like jewelry and T-shirts, plus there was a big BBQ cooking contest or something like that. They had several bands lined up, but the only ones I really heard any amount of were some good ol' Gospel ones and a country band. Yes, I felt the Spirit move me. My auntie stayed there much later than I did and she said she heard a really good rock band. Anyway, I walked up to the end of one of the streets when lo and behold, I spied a Spam Mobile sitting there. It was a big van painted to look like a Spam can, including the word "SPAM" painted on its side. People kept going up to it, but I don't know what they were selling; perhaps some of those fine Hormel blended meat products. My mother later said to me, "Did you notice the Spam van?" And I answered that I had and she asked, "Are you going to write about this on your web page?" Well, Dear Friends, my mind had been churning with thoughts of writing about the Spam Mobile as soon as I saw it! Such a sight for ridicule is indeed rare even in JOHNNYLEEN's fantabulous life. So what were they selling, do you think? Spam under glass? Asti Spamante? Or perhaps it was just some irresistable spametti with spamballs. Actually the town had wanted to get the Bat Mobile, but they were running low on funds and the Oscar Mayer hotdog wagon was fully booked. I can see the festival organizers timidly approaching the Hormel brass to ask for the Spam Mobile's presence at their event. I bet they were just all nervous and afraid they might have to settle for hiring Ronald McDonald instead of the crowd pleasing Spam Mobile. Frankly, I'm making myself nauseous just thinking about Spam. Now JOHNNYLEEN isn't a picky eater at all. In fact, I can quickly name for you the foods I don't like: hotdogs, grits, lima beans, pork and beans, cranberry sauce, Waldorf salad, cole slaw, pickles (except dill ones), sweet and sour pork, and anything with ketchup on it. Oh yes, I forgot chitlins! When I worked at the Bumbling Bureaucracy (BB), I attended an afternoon Christmas party in one of the offices and helped myself to a big ol' helpin' of what I thought was stewed chicken. Wrong! As soon as I tasted it, I felt like I was going to retch. It tasted to me the way I think sewage would taste. I gagged down the one mouthful I had and ran straight for the wine bottle on the table. I asked someone what it was that I had just eaten and she said, "Chitlins. What did you think of them?" "Well," I said, "I guess they were OK." I obviously didn't want to tell the truth just in case she brought them. Someone in the know told me that they were foul tasting because they probably hadn't been cleaned properly. So if pig's intestines haven't been cleaned properly, then you know what they were probably full of. So I ask you, who brings chitlins to an office Christmas party? I can't think of any food less Christmasy than chitlins. Why didn't they just bring hog jowls and tripe and bull's testicles while they were at it? Do you think I'm being too judgmental? I mean, at a Christmas buffet I kind of expect turkey, ham, salad, and yucky, squiggly, lifelike cranberry sauce that still has the lines on it from the can it came in. Isn't that what you would expect? I just wonder what went through that person's mind when he/she was presented with the sign up sheet of what they would bring. "Well, let's see, I could make a nice chocolate cake. Or I could make a jello mould. Or I could bring chicken or a pre-sliced ham....wait, I got it! I'll bring chitlins! It'll take forever to prepare and will stink my house all up, but that's what I'll bring. I bet they never ask me again to contribute anything! Hee hee hee!" Oh, yes, I forgot....I don't like Spam either. Next entry Previous entry Go to diary entries Go back home |