| February 6, 2004 - Janet's boob and Sarrrahjane's package |
| Dear Friends, can I just tell all of you how sick I am of hearing about Janet's boob and the prudish American public's reaction to it? So what? A few years ago I arrived in Berlin just as the Love Parade was starting. It was being televised and from the technicolor glory of my hotel room I saw boobs galore. It was like every other girl had taken her shirt off. Then, of course, there was my trip to Copenhagen this past summer where, you'll remember, I walked through "Perky Park" where all the women were sunbathing topless. I survived. The Germans survived. And the Danes still seem to be getting along just fine. So get over yourselves about Janet! "What about the children?" you shriek like Rev. Lovejoy's wife on "The Simpsons". Well, what about 'em? You let them watch all kinds of violent junk depicting gorey drive-by shootings and space monsters ripping people's heads off, but you get yourselves all worked up over a 2-second boobshot with a star-shaped nipple ornament! You encourage them to watch those stupid cereal commercials where rabbits try to steal cereal from kids, where kids try to steal cereal from leprechauns, where assorted animals try to steal cereal from Sugar Bear, and where Barney is trying to steal cereal from Fred. Not to mention the commercials where entire households are at one another's throats because someone won't let go of someone else's damned Eggo! Pray tell, where is your outrage over commercials that encourage stealing and discourage sharing? If you really gave a s*** about kids, you'd be bemoaning the lack of health insurance for all the children in the U.S. rather than their fleeting glimpse of Janet's tit! So there! The great and powerful JOHNNYLEEN has spoken. And if you don't like it, I'll show you more than just my boob and you can kiss it. Now on to SARRRAHJANE's package. I know your mind is conjuring up all sorts of salacious imagery of her "package", but I hasten to assure you that I mean the word in the sense of "CARE" package. I sent SARRRAHJANE some really neat prezzies that I thought she'd like. The first thing was a refrigerator magnet that showed a woman above whose head floated the words "I'm so happy it's happy hour". That suits SARRRAHJANE, and me, to a T. I also gave her a little teeny plastic crate containing liquor-filled chocolates shaped like bottles of booze. Dee-liteful in my opinion! Since she said she's into bubble baths these days, I gave her a squirt toy shaped like a turtle. And for those long roadtrips she sometimes makes, I gave her a set of games called "Parenting On The Go" or "Parenting A-Go-Go"; I don't remember which. That way the driver won't have to continually turn around and tell her and her sister, "Don't make me turn this car around!" Now tomorrow night I've been invited to a fantabulous dinner at K.'s house. He's making pastizio; I think I spelled that right. Anyway, there will be much frivolity, laughter, and booze. I told him I'd bring a bottle of Greek wine called retsina. It's flavored with pine resin...not only can you drink it, you can wipe down the kitchen cabinets with it. It's just too bad that household cleaning products don't have the same characteristics as retsina. Scrub a little, drink a little. Next entry Previous entry Go to diary entries Go back home |