| February 14, 2004 - Lust and rejection at Ye Olde Watering Hole |
| Dear Friends, for Valentine's Day I thought I'd tell you a tale of lust and rejection at Ye Olde Watering Hole that just teems with tawdry licentiousness. First let me introduce the characters. Milton, whom all of you will remember as the notorious drunk who's always falling down and hurting himself. Then there's Natalie, who teaches "learning challenged" children. Back in the day, we used to say "retarded", but since JOHNNYLEEN tries to keep a politically correct page, we'll gloss over that. Let's just say that I've noticed that such teachers (well, at least the 2 I've met in my lifetime) always talk to the rest of us as though we were all learning challenged as well. Lastly, there's Glenn, a musician wannabe who has moved into a room beneath Ye Olde Watering Hole. It was a dark and stormy night, just the right atmosphere for blood to boil and young folks to get into all kinds of sexual mischief. Natalie was seated at the bar and she and Milton were just a-yak-yak-yakkin'. Milton stepped away for a minute to hit the can, so Natalie spoke briefly with JOHNNYLEEN. JOHNNYLEEN, however, was not interested in hearing the details of Natalie's life, so he just sat quietly devoting all his attention to his friend, Al Cohol. Anyway, Milton came back and Natalie and he resumed their friendship, leaving JOHNNYLEEN in blessed peace. The next time I saw Milton, he said, "Do you remember that girl who was here the other day?" I said, "Yes. The two of you seemed to be hitting it off really well." "Yeah," he slurred, "but when I asked her didn't she want to come back to my place and have a go at it, she told me she was a lesbian." I was kind of like, "Whatever" and let him ramble on and on about it while I dreamt of a South Sea island somewhere. The next time I saw Natalie, she was talking with Glenn. Since Milton had said she was a lesbian, I just assumed Glenn was gay; particularly since he was covered all over with stainless steel bling-bling and had a haircut straight from "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy". But JOHNNYLEEN, ever one to mind his own business, didn't eavesdrop on their conversation, but just finished up his drinkie-poo and left. Now, the other night I stopped by and Brad, the owner of Ye Olde Watering Hole, closed up shop but told me to stay and drink with him. So while we were pounding back a few, he told me that Glenn and Natalie had been sleeping together. I said, "I thought she was a lesbian." Brad said, "Well, I guess she goes both ways." And I said, "Well she told Milton she was a lesbian." And Brad said, "Well, maybe when she's around Milton she is a lesbian." I can certainly understand that, because Milton won't take "no" for an answer once he starts sniffin' around! So he told me that he had stepped out back of the restaurant a few days earlier to throw out some garbage, when Natalie came rushing from Glenn's room crying her eyes out. Glenn was leaning out the door saying something like, "I don't want to f*** you no more. Get that through your head!" Well, dear Friends, I was so titillated by this whole episode of unrequited love, that when Brad turned on the jukebox, I took my shirt off and began banging my pelvis against the back of Lucinda's chair, the Assistant Manager who was trying to play a video game. I almost knocked her right out of it, 'cause I have pretty powerful pelvis! But the pelvis-pounding was all just in good fun, because JOHNNYLEEN has a very low libido, as I told you in the diary entry regarding my physical exam. That truly is a blessing because that tired ol' thang caused endless problems for JOHNNYLEEN when he was younger. Those episodes, however, will never appear in my on-line journal; particularly the one involving the piano bench in the music room at summer school. Next entry Previous entry Go to diary entries Go back home |