| January 26, 2004 - I'm Baby Jane Hudson |
| Dear Friends, before I went out for Drunken Brunch Sunday yesterday, I had to give myself a facial. "Why," you may ask, "did you have to give yourself a facial, JOHNNYLEEN?" Well, I'll tell you; I had a bloody acne breakout, consarn it! So, anyway, as I was wandering around the house with my Queen Helene Mint Julep masque crusted all over my face, I suddenly thought of the movie "Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?" and decided to make myself a big ol' whiskey and water. So as I sat there drinkin' and drinkin', I felt just like Baby Jane Hudson, except that I didn't tear up pictures of my older crippled sister or reminisce about my childhood as a vaudeville star. Now, JOHNNYLEEN does remember that, as a child, after having seen that movie, he used to kick one of his sisters' dolls around the house just like Baby Jane does to Blanche in the movie 'cause he thought Baby Jane was so cool. Speaking of lesbians...not that I was speaking of lesbians, I just wanted to change the topic....yesterday at Drunken Brunch Sunday I was seated beside two lesbians and came up with the most wonderful generalization about them. You'll have to let me know if you've noticed the same thing; namely, lesbians are a Cheerless Lot. I had never been able to quite put my finger on it before, but I realized yesterday that a conversation between two lesbians always sounds like a business meeting. The one lesbian was droning on and on about Important Concerns like Section 8 Housing, Environmental Protection, and Why She was Better Qualified for Her Job than Anyone Else. (No, she didn't say anything about Men being Losers!) The second lesbian hardly said a word, but just listened intently. Anyway, the talkative lesbian hardly smiled at all. At one point she did laugh about something, but generally she just looked serious and foreboding. Then her cell phone rang and she smiled at whoever she was talking to on the phone. Isn't that weird? Here she couldn't bring herself to smile at her brunch partner, but she was smiling at the invisible person on the phone! Go figure. I've had the occasion to read a comic strip called "Dykes to Watch Out for" and I can assure you it just supports my view. I can't ever figure out what it's about and why it's funny. I finally asked a female friend of mine (not a lesbian) if she would read one of the strips and tell me if she understood it. She read it and explained it to me and then added that she thought it wasn't meant to be funny. Yet, in my opinion, the expressions on the character's faces seem to be meant to imply that something's funny. Even after the explanation, I still didn't understand it. So is the strip supposed to be some kind of "Mary Worth" for lesbians? Not only is it not funny, it's really wordy. The cartoon balloons are just full of words and blah, blah, blah. Because it's so wordy, it's in extremely teeny print and I almost have to use a magnifying glass to read it; it's like reading the lesbian version of the instructions on the back of an aspirin bottle. Now before all you lesbians out there get outraged and write me nasty letters, just think about what I said and ask yourselves if you're cheerless in public. Now, perhaps lesbians are all giggly when they're at their own houses or at a private party, but in public they aren't. So there! Everybody else in the restaurant was smiling and laughing and talking about pleasant things like alcohol, food, and television, but not those two. I didn't notice if there were any other lesbians present or I would perhaps have made the attempt to see if their conversation was really serious, too. You know, maybe I can get Federal funding to do some sort of study of lesbian social behavior that would prove my theory. If I could get the Government to pay for my Drunken Brunch Sundays, I would consider that tax money well-spent. Next entry Previous entry Go to diary entries Go back home |