| Moby Ethan at the Sculpture's Museum |
| This is the monologue I had to act out in front of my acting class and very well may be the one I perform in front of an audience. Why am i showing this to you all? well because im trying to memorize it and typing my monologues helps me do this. And b/c its funny, in the sick way. well. Enjoy? |
| (scene begins in the dark. Suddenly a flashlight is turned on, revealing the chin and face of ETHAN. He's holding the flashlight under his chin so that the effect is eeirie.) ETHAN - (in a performance type tone). Call me Ishmael. (Now in his normal voice, looking for the trustee with his flashlight.) So. do you like that, Mrs. Chapin-Skinner? Beacause I could do something as good for the life of Mr. Daniel French if I thought about how I could illistrate the work of a sculptor.I could be holding a chisel or I could, like, cover myself with white flour and stand, like I was---- check this out -----like I was ----- could you turn on the light Mrs. Chapin-Skinner? (Lights up on ETHAN. He is standing in his jockey shorts.) I think we need to, like, decide, whether or not I'm going to be the sculpture or the sculptor or the sculpture. OR, I could just sit in this chair, in a suit, with a beard on--- get where Im going with this? And impersonate that sculpture of Abraham Lincoln over there. That might take less prep time. You see, at the Melville houseI recite a lot of Moby Dick, or, if I hate the people I'm guiding, I recite Pierre or The Ambiguties and that usually gets them out of the house, so I can lock up and bike back to Stockbridge to catch the before-dinner tour of the Rockwell Musuem. Because I need the money, of course. (Lights go out. Sound of scuffle) Mrs. Chapin-Skinner! What are you doing? Good God!! (Breaking Away) Now this is just not right, so let go of me ----- let GO! (Sounds of a crash. ETHAN turns on the flashlight and investigates) Jesus! What have you done?? Mrs. Chapin-Skinner?? Look at this!! You have knocked over the Daniel French Museum Official Replica of the Abraham Lincoln Memorial Statue!! Ohmygod!!! It's chipped!! Oh, man! I am so fired!! Prudence!! Prudence!! You have been a very bad trustee tonight. If one cannot trust a trustee, then--- YOU HAVE BELIED THE NAME OF TRUSTEE!!! YOU DO NOT DESERVE TO BE A TRUSTEE OF THE DANIEL FRENCH MUSEUM OR ANY MUSEUM!!! MRS. CHAPIN-SKINNER, GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY PANTS!!! JESUS!! (He flails at his assailant with his flashlight, until he drops it and is in complete darkness again.) Mrs. Chapin-Skinner? Are you all right? Prudence? Pru? I didn't mean to hit to hit you that hard? Squeeze my hand if you can hear my voice. Just squeeze----- (But she squeezes his genitals) Ohmygod. Ohmygod. Ohmygod. Mrs. Chapin-Skinner, what are you doing now? Did you take out your teeth? Ahh. Ahhhh. Ahhhhh. Call me Ishmael! Call me-- ohhh, ohhh, ohhhhhhhhhh! Just call me, call me, call me! YESSSSSSSSSSSS! (He climaxes. Beat.) Ooooooo. Uh. (Beat) Did you ever play the oboe, Mrs. Chapin-Skinner? Because you certainly have the lips for it. My sister says it takes really strong lips. |
| And it's now official. I have to perform this for my Midterm Grade in acting class AND perform it in front of an audience. Hey, at least most of it will take place in the dark, so I won't see anyone's face. Ugh. It sorta reminds me of either American Pie or a really perverted The Graduate. I'm speechless right now. As Im sure many reading this are. Ugh. What kind of High School do I go to???!!!! ( a really liberal one, thats for sure!) |
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