OLD" IS WHEN..... Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love,"
and you answer, "Honey, I can't do both!"
"OLD" IS WHEN..... Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes
and you're barefoot.
"OLD" IS WHEN..... A sexy babe catches your fancy
and your pacemaker opens the garage door.
"OLD" IS WHEN..... You don't care where your spouse goes,
just as long as you don't have to go along.
"OLD" IS WHEN..... When you are cautioned to slow down
by the doctor instead of by the police.
"OLD" IS WHEN..... "Getting a little action" means
I don't need to take any fiber today.
"OLD" IS WHEN..... "Getting lucky" means
you find your car in the parking lot.
"OLD" IS WHEN..... An "all nighter"
means not getting up to pee.
***
Seventy-year old George went for his annual physical. All of his tests came back with normal results.
Dr. Smith said, "George, everything looks great physically. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with yourself, and do you have a good relationship with God?
George replied, "God and me are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he's fixed it so that when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom (poof) the light goes on, when I'm done (poof) the light goes off.
"Wow!" commented Dr. Smith, "That's incredible!"
A little later in the day Dr. Smith called George's wife. "Ethel," he said, "George is doing fine. Physically he's great. But, I had to call because I'm in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and (poof) the light goes on in the bathroom, and then when he is through (poof) the light goes off?"
Ethel exclaimed, "Oh, my God! He's peeing in the refrigerator again!"
***
FOR SALE BY OWNER
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition, $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything.
***
A little boy and girl go trick or treating.
"You two are awful cute. Who are you supposed to be?"
"We're Jack and Jill" they answer.
The man says, "you can't be Jack and Jill, you're black."
They go off, come back, dressed differently.
The man says, "Well now this is just darn cute. Who are you this time?"
"We're Hansel and Gretel."
"I hate to disappoint you" says the man, " but you can't be because you are black."
Heads hung low, they leave.
Not much later the man hears the doorbell ring again. This time when he opens the door, and there stands the two children ... buck-naked.
"Oh my! And just who are you supposed to be now?"
"We're M & M's," said the little girl. "I'm plain. He's with nuts."
***
A flat chested young woman goes to Dr Smith for advice about breast enlargements.
He tells her, "Every day when you get out of the shower, rub the top of your nipples and say, "Scooby
dooby doobies. I want bigger boobies."
She did this every day faithfully and after several months, it worked! She grew great boobs!
One morning she was running late and she was on the bus when she realized she had forgotten her morning ritual. At this point she loved her new boobs and didn't want to lose them, so she got up right in the middle of the bus and said, "Scooby dooby doobies. I want bigger boobies."
A guy sitting nearby asked her, "Do you go to Dr. Smith by chance?
"Why, yes, I do. How did you know?"
"Hickory dickory dock . . ."
