You Know You've Joined A Cheap HMO When...
10. Your annual breast exam is conducted at Hooters.
9. Directions to your doctor's office include, "Take a left when you enter the trailer park."
8. The tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicles.
7. The only proctologist in the plan is "Gus" from Roto-Rooter.
6. The only item listed under Preventive Care coverage is "An apple a day."
5. Your "primary care physician" is wearing the pants you gave to Goodwill last month.
4. "The patient is responsible for 200% of out-of-network charges" is not a typo.
3. The only expense covered 100% is embalming.
2. Your medication comes in different colors with little "M"s on them.
1. You ask for Viagra; you get a Popsicle stick and duct tape.
***
A little, Johnny, and a little girl, Suzie, were sitting on the porch talking, when the little girl asked,
"Hey Johnny, do you want to get undressed? We could play Doctor."
Johnny replied, "That's too old fashioned. Spit out your gum! Let's play President!"
***
A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer.
"Certainly, sir, that'll be 1 cent."
"ONE PENNY?!" exclaimed the guy.
The barman replied, "Yes."
So the guy glances over at the menu, and he asks, "Could I have a nice juicy T-Bone steak, with chips, peas, and a fried egg?"
"Certainly sir," replies the bartender, "but all that comes to real money."
"How much money?" inquires the guy.
"4 cents", the bartender replies.
"FOUR cents!" exclaims the guy. "Where's the man who owns this place?"
The barman replies, "Upstairs with my wife."
The guy says, "What's he doing with your wife?"
The bartender replies, "Same as what I'm doing to his business."
***
Glenn and his wife were working in their garden one-day when Glenn looks over at his wife and says, "Your butt is getting really big. I bet your butt is bigger than the barbecue." With that, he proceeds to get a measuring tape and measured the grill and then went over to where his wife was working and measured his wife's bottom. "Yes, I was right, your butt is two inches wider than the barbecue!"
The wife chose to ignore the husband.
Later that night in bed, Glenn was feeling a little frisky. He makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off. "What's wrong?" he asks.
She answers: "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie?"
***
A Russian, an American, and a blonde were talking one day.
The Russian said, "We were the first in Space!"
The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"
The blonde said, "So what, we're going to be the first on the sun!"
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.
"You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.
To which the blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"
