CHINESE EBONICS
* Are you harboring a fugitive? (Hu Yu Hai Ding?)
* Approach me. (Kum Hia)
* Stupid Fellow (Dum Gai)
* Small horse (Tai Ni Poni)
* Prices are too high here (No Bai Dam Ting)
* Miami vacationing agreed with you (Ya Mai Ti Tan)
* I bumped into a coffee table (Ai Bang Mai Ni)
* Have you considered a face lift? (Chin Tu Fat)
* You try saving electricity? (Wai So Dim?)
* Unauthorized execution (Lin Ching)
* Inquiry to determine if bus is due (Hao Long Wei Ting?)
* Plaything belonging to ancient emperor (Ming Toy)
* You're blowing your diet (Wai Yu Mun Ching?)
* Keep out of the pond (Noh Wei Ding)
* Tow-away zone (No Pah King)
* Don't you know anything by Cole Porter? (Wai Yu Sing DumSong?)
* You are not very bright (Yu So Dum)
* I have a press pass (Ai No Pei)
* I don't deserve the death penalty (Wai Hang Mi?)
* You're suffering from chronic halitosis (Yu Bai Sen Sen Nao)
* Remain out of sight (Lei Lo)
* Cleaning automobile (Wa Shing Cah)
* Did someone fertilize the field? (Hu Flung Dung?)
* Your body odor is offensive (Shu Man Go)
* They are approaching (Hia Dei Kum)
***
A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth. He wanted
to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred for real.
He asked his class, "Where is Jesus today?"
Steven raised his hand and said, "He's in heaven."
Mary was called on and answered, "He's in my heart."
Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, "I know, I know! He's in our bathroom!"
The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response. The
teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds. Finally, he gathered his wits and asked Little Johnny how he knew this.
Little Johnny said, "Well . . . every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells, "Good Lord, are you still in there?!"
***
Bob joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day, he takes off his clothes and starts wandering around. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by him and the man immediately gets an erection.
The woman notices his erection, comes over to him grinning sweetly and says, "Sir, did you call for me?"
Bob replies "No, what do you mean"?
She says, "You must be new here; let me explain. It's the rule here that if I give you an erection, it implies you called for me". Smiling, she leads him to the side of a pool, lies down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her.
Bob continues exploring the facilities. He enters a sauna, sits down and farts. Within a few moments a huge, horribly, hairy man with a firm erection lumbers out of the steam towards him.
The HUGE MAN says, "Sir, did you call for me? "
Bob replies "No, what do you mean?"
"You must be new here, it is a rule that when you fart, it implies you called for me." The huge man then easily spins Bob around, bends him over the bench and has his way with him.
Bob rushes back to the colony office.
He is greeted by a smiling naked receptionist: "May I help you?".
Bob says, "Here is your card and key back. You can keep the $500 joining fee."
"But Sir, you've only been here a couple of hours; you only saw a small fraction of our facilities."
Bob replies, "Listen lady, I am 58 years old, I get a hard-on about once a month but I fart 15 times a day. No thanks!
***
A six-year-old walks into the kitchen where his mom is preparing a meal.
And says: "Mom, the last few nights I have woke up to this thumping noise coming out of your bedroom and when I look to see what it is, you're sitting on top of dad and bouncing up and down. Why are you doing that?"
The startled mother recovers quickly and says, "Your dad is a little overweight and I'm trying to get him back to normal size. I bounce on him to get all the air out of him."
The little kid just shakes his head and says, "Mom, you're wasting your time. Because, once a week, that nice-looking lady next door comes over and blows daddy right back up!
