A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment they both manage to get to sleep. The woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower.
In the middle of the night the woman leans over and says, "I'm sorry to bother you but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket."
The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, "I've got a better idea...let's pretend we're married."
"Why not," giggles the woman.
"Good," he replies. "Get your own damn blanket."
***
If you think life is bad.......How would you like to be an egg?
* You only get laid once.
* You only get eaten once.
* It takes 4 minutes to get hard.
* Only 2 minutes to get soft.
* You share your box with 11 other guys.
* But worst of all.....The only chick that ever sat on your face was your mother.
So cheer up.....Your life ain't that bad!!!
***
An old geezer approached a young, beautiful woman in a large supermarket and said, "Excuse me, ma'am, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Would you please talk to me for a couple of minutes?"
"Why should I talk to you?" asked the suspicious woman.
"Because, every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere."
***
A famous lawyer found himself at heaven's gates confronting St. Peter. He protested that it was all a mistake: he was only 49 and far too young to be dead.
"That's odd," said St. Peter, "according to the hours you've billed you're 119 years old."
***
"Ever since we got married, my wife has tried to change me. She got me to stop drinking, smoking, and running around at all hours of the night and more. She taught me how to dress well, enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking, classical music and how to invest in the stock market."
"Sounds like you may be bitter because she spent so much time trying to change you."
"I'm not bitter. Now that I'm so improved, she just isn't good enough for me."
