"Contradictions"

So loved yet,
so alone
Far away yet
still at home.

Longing for something,
yet still content
Full of woe
with times of merriment.

My feelings are contradictions
that confuse me,
I feel sure of the fact
my feelings bemuse me.

Feelings toward death,
feelings toward life,
feelings about good times
and laughter and strife.

Feelings once
so dear to me,
no longer seem
clear to me.

All the love I possess
can't possibly be real,
but if it wasn't,
how could I feel?

He kisses me once,
He kisses me twice,
Love is so simple,
and for a moment, nice.

And my renegade heart
runs so wild,
I'm left subdued and alone
like a child.

But he pulls me near
and everything falls into place.
For once, everything seems right
When I see the smile on his face.

I've never felt so brave
or ever so scared,
I've never felt so ready
or so unprepared.

Something's coming
I know, I do not think,
What it is I do not know,
I'm right on the brink.

I'll prepare, if I can,
in each and every way...
I'm waiting for that moment
with each passing day...

Perhaps it is
the day our love ends,
When one can tell the other
that they just want to be friends.

Perhaps it is the day
his eyes will fill with love,
and prove the emotions he's felt
and I'll fill with the light from above.

There are so many possibilities,
hard to imagine which it could be,
I'm so scared of the future
when he wants to be free.

I wasn't supposed to fall,
I didn't plan it at the beginning,
But I know I'm in love
when I see him grinning.

Within me are so many feelings,
They seem to be so strong-
Because false feelings
do not last this long.

Sadly, he doesn't feel for me
in the same way,
I love him so much more,
But emotions can be equalled, maybe someday.

Fate doesn't do
what I always desire,
But it lit the match
that set my heart on fire.

Can I wait long enough
for him to learn
to love me more? I've expressed
my emotions- it is now his turn...

How will I know
when more love comes in my direction?
Will the love be straight out
or shown through affection?

I will be patient
for the love to be mine,
But I just hope my wild heart
doesn't want to move on in that time...

- EEDoran
Date: Unknown