John : 3
Polo Mintesque!

Paperback: 5
Regularily skinned only redeemed by an outrageous turn.

Dan Jones: 5

Not one of his better games

Duck: 5
Crud, got injured, moaned from the sidelines (made Wack cry, tee hee)

Waterboy: 5
Regularily skinned only redeemed by his eventual substitution

Wack: 4
Does exactly what it says on the tin. Refused to play right back, wanker.

Milton: 5
Nearly as bad as Wack, but at least he can kick a ball.

Ridge: 6
Just like Reo-Coker, tireless but no end product, looks Asian.

Barry: 6
Scored.

Bill: 6
Best player on pitch even if he does say so himself. Others beg to differ.

Steadman: 6

Promising debut, why did Badger take him off?

Pix: 5
Pre-match spliff did him no favours.

Waz: 5

I'd stopped watching by now.

Fisher: 5

Looked like there was two of him, needs to lose a few pounds.

Del: 10 (Not Used)

Brought the water onto the pitch extremely well.

	John
Paperback	Dan Jones	Duck (3)	Waterboy (2)
Wack	Milton	Ridge	Barry
	Bill	Steadman (1)
(1) Pix	(2) Waz	(3) Fisher	Del (Not Used)

Heath Park's controversial decision to play 4-4-2 severely backfired as the team with the gayest name in the league completely embarassed the home side.

After starting brightly due to drunken exuberance, the collapse began when Calamity Jane dropped a tame effort over the bye-line. The resultant corner was headed home by a midget, Wack claims this was not his man but was standing close enough to said midget to smell what he had eaten for breakfast. Liar.

The second for Quilters was controversial but equally as embarassing for the Massive. John again spilled a tame shot but it was adjudged to have crossed the line by the linesman, who has not been seen since. Most players from both sides agreed it was at least a marginal decision but I smell a rat.

Just before half time a glimmer of hope was restored to Heath Park as Bill Jones' average to poor freekick deflected off the wall and into the far corner. However, the Badger's Sven-like half time talk hardly inspired his weary troops as three more goals were conceded within ten minutes of the restart. All these goals were due to Heath Park's indifference rather than Quilter's attacking prowess.

Barry claimed a late consolation goal from a Bill Jones flick on but it was far too little too late. It was a shoddy performance all round but Badger hardly helped matters with his pants substitutions. p.s 4-4-2 room 101

Badger's Comment: That was complete rubbish,even worse than last week i dont know why you bother showing up if your gonna play crap

• Supporter's Club:
• Abbott: 7 - much better display this week due largely to drunkeness
• Little Abbott: 1 - Showed up but didn't watch
• Jo: 1 - Picked Abbott up
• Dave Jones: 10 - Back to his Milton-baiting best.