| Kansas City, MO - In a desperate attempt to not be dateless for a friend's wedding, Michael Opalek told family and friends that his cigar was his date when a lady friend could not be found. "I figured that they would get the picture and leave me and my bachelor status alone for the night. It worked, but only to a degree." Rather than leave him alone, he was endlessly teased about his "date". "You wouldn't believe how many Clinton/Lewinski jokes I had to endure for the rest of the reception. I think the worst was when a drunk friend asked me where the cigar would go at the end of our date. He was implying which orifice, I believe." Close friends of Opalek were seen huddled and whispering. "I knew they were talking about me and my choice of date. What gave them away was when I would walk up to them, because they would all shut up. It's not like I'm gay; I'm a very heterosexual man who chose a cigar as a date. Is that so wrong?" Although he says he spent way too much on the domestic cigar, he knew from the beginning that there wouldn't be any after-date sex. "I just knew this was they type of cigar that wouldn't put out. I should've gone Cuban." |
