by Turdunken
One, the son of the greatest soldier of the 20th century�Solid Snake
The other, the son of God Almighty�Jesus Christ
Together they make the ultimate team!
(Snake and Jesus are lounging around the apartment. Christmas decorations are up)
Snake: Merry Christmas, Jesus!
Jesus: Sigh�
Snake: What�s wrong, buddy?
Jesus: Today�s my birthday, but nobody remembered.
Snake: Nobody? Or�everybody?
(a few tense second pass)
Jesus: Nobody.
Snake: Well, what are you gonna do? Turn water into whine? Buck up! I gotcha a present.
Jesus: Keen!
(Jesus takes the offered gift and rips it open.)
Jesus: What the? Dog tags?
Snake: Yepper! Now you can pose as a kickass soldier, instead of the pacifist hippie you are!
Jesus: I see� Is this it?
Snake: Um� yeah.
Jesus: Dad damn it!
Snake: What?
Jesus: (subdued) Well, it was supposed to be God, but since he�s my� never mind.
Snake: But c�mon! Buck up, buckeroo!
Jesus: I just can�t. People have forgotten all about me in favor of that bloated fat ass Santa Claus.
Snake: Ya don�t say�
Jesus: Oh, yeah! And if you rearrange the letters in Santa, you get�Satan! Coincidence??? I THINK NOT.
Snake: (after a moment) Whoa. You just blew my mind. We have to stop him! To the North Pole!
(10 hours later, flying above the North Pole)
Jesus: Are you sure about this?!
Snake: Yes. Once I eliminate that fat bastard, you�ll get your props! Just you wait and see! Just support me over the CODEC!
Jesus: Okay. Go stick a knife in that bowl fulla jelly!
(And so Snake begins an air intrusion into Santa�s Village. Back on the plane, Jesus heads to the cockpit, where Col. Roy Campbell is flying)
Roy: Hey, Jesus. We�ve got trouble. It�s a Hind-D.
(The Hind, piloted by Santa, promptly blows the plane down. Roy and Jesus make it out with parachutes, but Jesus� doesn�t open and he plummets to his death)