Jesus: About time! I'm starting to think bringing Wolf back for Snake was a bad idea. God only knows what in the world they could have taken so much time on a date for. They better tell me every juicy detail...
*gets up to answer door, opens quickly and turns around*
J: You guys know how long I've been waiting here? Now the late nite show's almost- *looks at doorway to see Vamp*
Vamp: I'm sorry.... hell again had no vacancies.
Jesus: (stammering) W-w-who are you? Wha-What do you want? H-Ho-How did you find this place?
Vamp: (shrugs) Looked in the yellow pages. You know, you seem familiar to me somehow... I can't quite put my finger on it...
Jesus: Uh-um, I d-don't think we've m-met before...
Vamp: No, no, I've seen you somewhere... but where?
Jesus: N-no, I p-promise, y-you've never s-seen me b-b-before!
Vamp: Ah well... may I by any chance use your washroom?
Jesus: My... wha?
Vamp: The Washroom! You know, where you do... the businesses?
Jesus: Oh! The WASHroom! Down the hall, third door to your left
Vamp: Thank you. *goes into the bathroom* (In bathroom, Vamp takes out a vial of blood from his coat, consumes the blood, and glimpses himself in the mirror before dropping the vial, shocked at what he sees)
Vamp: N-no!... It can't be! Dear God no!
(Outside the bathroom, roof blows open to reveal God)
God: You called, son?
Jesus: Um... no, dad. Why?
God: I heard someone say "Dear God", so I had to answer! You're sure you didn't say anything?
Jesus: I think you're going senile.
God: Watch your tone! Fine, maybe I was hearing things. (disappears, roof re-attached)
Footsteps being heard behind Jesus, Jesus turns only to have a knife stuck in him*
Vamp: *No! He's not falling! No, it can't be!*
Jesus: Hey man, that's not cool! You're just gonna stick a knife in me to repay me letting you use my bathroom? You're lucky I don't support violence, this stings like nothing else! (proceeds to take knife out)
Vamp: ...What did you say your name was again?
Jesus: Never told you. Name's Jesus (offers hand as a handshake), but some people who speak Spanish often call me "Hay -zeus". Kinda makes me think they think I own Greece sometimes. You?
Vamp: Me... You're my good twin. I'm your bad side Jesus.... I'm Vamp.
(Jesus gives a skeptical look)
Vamp: No, really! (grabs another knife) Stab me!
Jesus: Look, I'm the one that returns people to life. If you want to end your life, that job goes to my associate, who's not in right now..
(Vamp forces the knife in Jesus's hand, and stabs himself. Jesus finds out in shock that Vamp doesn't fall)
Vamp: I'm your twin, Jesus. I have the same, yet opposite powers of you. As you saw, I can't die. Don't you see it? Don't you see it in our faces?
(Realization dawns on Jesus, J & V start to have a deep religious, self-provoking conversation... Meanwhile sobbing is heard down the hall)
Snake: Hey, Hal, look, I didn't mean to kill her again! She had a laser on your head! Lucky you that her atrophied finger couldn't keep the gun straight before I shot! Don't you get it, she never loved you!
Otacon: Snake, you'll never understand... she was the only person that ever gave me a chance outside of family... you'll never see...
(Snake & Otacon look through apartment in shock and bewilderment)
Snake & Otacon: (together) VAMP?!?!
sonicandfffan's Notes: A nice twist and one of the longest episodes yet.