| God's Hit List God Hates: |
| - LINDA (you know who you are, bitch) - The Dutch (He really hates those wooden shoes) - Pagans - Satanists - Gymnasts - Squirrels (Satan's minions) - Poodles - Swedes - Figure Skaters - PBS (Mr. Rogers IS Satan) - The Jackson 5 (They'd be under Damned Celebrities, but Michael's the only famous one anymore) - Anything named "Bubbles" - Teletubbies - Anyone with facial hair (Male OR Female) (What's wrong with facial hair on men?) - Cornfields (He feels 'Children of the Corn was poorly directed, and Hayley is deathly afraid of cornfields and things associated with the growing of cornfields) - Puppets (Except the ones we sell in the Gift Shop) - Buddhists - People who indulge in "fun" (Suffering absolves you of your sins, so give all excess to us and we promise to give it to Jesus the next time we see Him) - When Hayley jacks up her prices (See: "Finding Jesus") - Slimy lawyers who don't understand how much Jesus loves the little children (BUT NOT IN THAT WAY!) - Those people who come to your door trying to convert you. - Those people who hand out the New Testament outside our schools. In sixth grade, my backpack was open and they decided I needed to have FIVE Bibles. They must have thought me unholy. HAHAHA - It's a Small World ride at Disneyland. There's so much that's wrong about it. -Anyone of any gender wearing spandex, polyester, or any other type of tight clothing that brings terror to my heart and eyes. -the non-square "square" hamburgers at Wendys. God hates more or less anyone who does not devote their lives to worshipping Him out of blind faith. God's favorite animal is the dumb ox. Let us all learn to be more like dumb ox and follow whatever authority figure presents itself most conveniently. |