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Well, I've done it. I've moved my blog to TypePad: http://jessteronimo.typepad.com. I wanted to have the comment and trackback features, and I was too lazy to develop them myself. I'm keeping this site live during my 30-day trial at least—and probably forever, since, because as I've said, I'm too lazy to move this content. It's also staying here because I have to upgrade my TypePad account in order to have control over the design of my blog, and I quite like this design. So, until further notice, find me at http://jessteronimo.typepad.com. Yippeeee!

My twin and I suffered our third palindromic birthday today. I spent time with her yesterday, and we agreed we feel our age. I may not really look it yet, but old age is setting in. I sincerely hope this next year won't be as tough as the last one on me, but I'm fully expecting it to be harder. I had a nice little birthday party with Ben's family. Ben planned it all. In addition to a kick-butt teapot for my hot chocolate addiction, he got me an elliptical training machine, the very first piece of exercise equipment I've ever owned. Now I have incentive to watch TV with him because I don't have to sit on my butt; I can be working out! We just have to agree on what to watch. In any event, perhaps I'll be able to tone up some of my old flab this winter whilst we're all hiding underneath our big sweaters and long pants. At this point I'm determined not to let my exercise equipment turn into a dust gathering, space hogging clothes rack. My plan is to wow my friends next spring with how firm I am. Think I can do it? With encouragement I will, so help me out, okay? And no, I don't think I'm fat. I just want to be healthier and more toned. Anyway, turning 33 ain't so bad, but we'll see how it feels tomorrow after I played on my elliptical trainer all day!

P.S. Check out my eBay auctions!

Most families plan fun events and activities to do together. They usually involve some type of food preparation; spending money on tickets, travel, or gear; and lots of coordination, planning, and travel time. Our little family goes shopping. Yep, we are a Wal-Mart–loving family. It's sort of fashionable to "boycott" Wal-Mart in my area right now. You know, don't patronize the Big Bad Monopolistic company, but I don't believe in it. I've analyzed my love of Wal-Mart many times. I love it because it has just about everything I need. It's organized perfectly, and its generic brands, Equate and Great Value, are good quality for the basics. I love paying ridiculously low prices for things. I love how easy it is to combine the things you want with the things you need, blurring the lines between the two extremes. It allows me to get myself a little treat like perfume and candles whilst picking up mundane things like toilet paper, soy sauce, and shampoo. I don't feel guilty for impulse purchases that cost me a couple of bucks. Anywhere else, impulse purchases might set me back $25! And let's face it, we love impulse purchases that don't make us grimace whenever our eyes rest on them. And Wal-Mart is a social phenomenon. It's so much fun to just go people watching there! There is the weirdest collection of people in any Wal-Mart anywhere in the nation this very moment. Have you ever just looked around when you're at a Wal-Mart? Have you ever NOT seen someone who makes you think, What in all of creation are you WEARING?! Apparently my family isn't the only family with this Wal-Mart shopping habit, though, as evidenced not just in the billions that Sam and all his family make, but also in the numerous couples that we see each time we go who are dragging all their children up and down the aisles. My kids are pretty well behaved in stores, luckily. And we all get some little treat when we go, so it makes it all more fun.

Today was a day of things started and nothing completed. I get a lot of my satisfaction from successfully completing things and accomplishing my goals. I started the day with high hopes to tear through my "To Do" list. By mid-morning the prospect of doing so was looking grim. By 2:00 I had my sights set on just one goal. And basically, I got interrupted just as I was getting started. A day like today leaves me stirred up and restless, anxious and empty and unfulfilled. I have about one hour left in the day, and probably the first thing I really will accomplish today will be to complete this posting. And if I don't call it finished right now, even that may not happen!

When I started blogging, no one knew this site existed. But I was still nervous about opening up so personally on the web. I did so because it was liberating and exciting and connecting, and I needed a way to catalog or journal my thoughts, emotions, and the events in my life. Now, seven months later, my blog is being webcrawled and coming up on search engine results, and I know people are reading it more and more. This feels sort of strange, unexpectedly. It's flattering, for sure. But sometimes I feel pressure to be entertaining or informative, and I know I fall short many times. But now that I'm used to blogging, I sometimes wish I could really open up here. I admit, I'm afraid of the consequences. It was one thing when I was just writing to cyberspace, but I am physically in the presence of some of you on a regular basis (in fact, some of you may be in my presence without my even knowing you read my blog—yikes!).

Do you realize that I think about you while I write? I craft my topics and select my words mindfully. Do you know that I hide things even here? Would you criticise me if you knew some of my wilder thoughts, my desires, my dreams? Would you read more into me than is there? What if you knew how crazy I really was, or mean-spirited, or boring? If you know me, would you treat me differently? Or would a hint open a window into my soul that's better left closed? Would you like me more or less? Crazy as it sounds, it makes a difference to me. I have a hard enough time keeping my self-esteem up. I don't want to alienate people, even people I haven't ever met. Blogging is challenging. And it's rewarding. And it's dangerous too. Getting too personal is always dangerous. And you're never just writing to cyberspace. There are always people on the other end, sometimes people who don't have the best of intentions. So understand and forgive me if I sometimes seem guarded, and protect me if I sometimes bear my soul recklessly. I have few other avenues to vent. I really want to reach out to other people, to help them if I can, to bond and build and learn and share. I hope you do too.

Follow Up: A friend of mine asked me if this post meant that I tell lies or make things up. I cannot stress enough that I do not do either here. I just don't open all the way up and expose more of me than is comfortable.

Horrors! I found grey hairs tonight! Luckily, they were in Ben's hair, not mine. But he's only 4 months older than me. That means we're getting old, and that I'm likely to discover grey hairs on my head soon. Yikes! I can't imagine how I'll feel that day.

I think I've felt my aging process more lately because of my looming birthday. I feel like I'm in the middle of two life ages. I'm no longer a girl looking forward to getting older; I'm not yet an old woman wishing I were younger. I feel like I'm holding my breath because I know that time is coming. I find myself watching older women much more closely. I want to age well, so I'm watching for secrets in women I like, sort of getting a head start. Humor and light-heartedness seem to have a lot to do with staying young. So does keeping active and always chasing your dreams. Life is too short for excuses, I hear, and I'm beginning to think it's true. But the trick is to chase your dreams without stamping out somebody else's.

I really thought I'd be much closer to my dreams by now. It's unsettling. I'm restless.