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| Episode Five |
| Merciless Mercenary |
| On the last episode, the third match was held between Banger and Peace. Banger, with his high attack power, was not able to injure the agile Peace crucially, and Peace became the victor (literally) with a pinch. Next up is Mercenary vs. Goldenrod! -------------------------------------------------- PEACE: Whew! That was fun� Peace using her healing magic to revive Banger. AXEM BANGER: 550/550 JAMEY: Hey! That�s my job! AUDIENCE: And you aren�t really good at it� BANGER: Ull�what happened? I passed out, so I guess I lost. PEACE: Good job! Now let�s get back to the Contestant�s Building and call out the next guys. They walk back to the Contestant�s Building. Jamey turns to the Audience. JAMEY: You guys�wouldn�t happen to be out of Coke bottles yet�would you? AUDIENCE: Nope! They begin throwing them down. -------------------------------------------------- Back at the Contestant�s Building� SNOW: Hehe, he got beaten by a girl� INFERNO: Um, if I�m not mistaken, you lost to Cobalt way back when. SNOW: Um�maybe� AARDVARK: Ooh�Jamey�s getting pretty good at dodging out there� FIREBOLT: Maybe he should participate in the next tournament! Banger and Peace walk in. Peace hits the Heart Block and restores her HP. AXEM PEACE: 300/300 BANGER: Looks like whoever�s left goes next. MERCENARY: *Yawn* It�s about time� GOLDENROD: Mercenary, let�s go. They nod toward each other and walk out. -------------------------------------------------- Back at the arena� Jamey has now collapsed as people from the Audience beat Jamey with broomsticks. JAMEY: *Cough* Medic� AUDIENCE: So we did run out of ammo! Mercenary and Goldenrod walk out and approach the arena. JAMEY: (Still on the ground) All right, fans! Let�s start our last battle of the evening, Axem Mercenary vs. Axem Goldenrod! AUDIENCE: Yay. They take their seats. Jamey slowly gets up. He sees the competitors ready to go. JAMEY: Oh, right. Ready�FIGHT! (Hey! I�m a poet and you know it! :) ) -------------------------------------------------- The battle begins. AXEM MERCENARY: 600/600 AXEM GOLDENROD: 510/510 Goldenrod starts by shooting a Lightning Bolt. Mercenary jumps out of its way and charges at blinding speed toward Goldenrod. GOLDENROD: (thinking) Oh man�he�s fast! He�s also dark colored, so I can�t see him well� NOTE: If you haven�t been paying attention, it is currently night out. Mercenary slashes at Goldenrod with his axe. Goldenrod barely blocks and slashes back. Mercenary ducks under it and quickly gets behind Goldenrod before he can see. MERCENARY: Gotcha. Mercenary uses Pestilence. Toxic chemicals are emitted from Mercenary�s body and they touch Goldenrod. GOLDENROD: AAH! Mercenary jumps away. Goldenrod loses 20 HP. AXEM MERCENARY: 600/600 AXEM GOLDENROD: 490/510 Mercenary smirks. MERCENARY: That poison I�ve just hit you with will last for the end of the battle. It will slowly chip away at your HP and most certainly gives me an edge! JAMEY: Ooh! Mercenary wastes no time and poisons Goldenrod! Things are already looking bad for him! GOLDENROD: Ah, quiet�I just need to get my bearings straight� Goldenrod launches two more Lightning Bolts. Mercenary gets out of their way and creeps behind Goldenrod again. Goldenrod thrusts his elbow behind him and hits Mercenary in the face. Mercenary is surprised by this and falls on his back. He loses 30 HP, and Goldenrod loses 20 HP from the poison. AXEM MERCENARY: 570/600 AXEM GOLDENROD: 470/510 Goldenrod spins around slashes Mercenary with his arm in a circular motion, causing 110 more damage. AXEM MERCENARY: 460/600 AXEM GOLDENROD: 470/510 Mercenary gets up and jumps away. GOLDENROD: That was much too predictable. MERCENARY: More like, you�re much too predictable, NERD! NOTE: That came from JAMEY�S GREAT BOOK OF COMEBACK JOKES :) Mercenary charges forward and with his axe raised. Goldenrod mimics him and they meet in the center of the ring to clash axes. Goldenrod is the first to make a move and jumps back to slam his axe into the ground, creating a large shockwave. Mercenary jumps over it and appears to have split into two different Axem Mercenaries. GOLDENROD: The cheese? Goldenrod lost 20 HP more from the poison. AXEM MERCENARY: 460/600 AXEM GOLDENROD: 450/510 FAST: Axem Fast sees two Axem Mercenaries! Axem Fast doesn�t even know an attack like this exists! NOTE: Fast has an attack EXACTLY like this. The two Mercenaries run in two different directions but change course toward Goldenrod. GOLDENROD: This�can�t be good. Goldenrod keeps blocking as the two Mercenaries repeatedly slash him. One of them darts behind Goldenrod and slashes his body. Goldenrod drops to the ground and the one that went behind him slashes his other self. Mercenary takes no damage, but Goldenrod loses another 20 HP from the poison. AXEM MERCENARY: 460/600 AXEM GOLDENROD: 430/510 GOLDENROD: You�re kidding me�only one of you can take damage? MERCENARIES: �Perhaps! The two Mercenaries dog pile of Goldenrod and raise their axes to the air. MERCENARIES: Night Strike! Their two axes magically begin to transform, as those two become six. GOLDENROD: Whoa�Freaky-Axe Thing now� They slash at Goldenrod ruthlessly and he loses 280 HP. AXEM MERCENARY: 460/600 AXEM GOLDENROD: 150/510 GOLDENROD: Grr�I�m getting sick of getting pummeled! He pushes them both away and escapes their dog pile. The Mercenaries throw their axes at Goldenrod. Goldenrod blasts them all back with electricity. He loses another 20 HP from the poison. AXEM MERCENARY: 460/600 AXEM GOLDENROD: 130/510 GOLDENROD: (thinking) Not good. Let�s just sum up what�s happening. He has two of him, I have one. I have a single axe, and he has six times as many. I�m poisoned, and he has a 330 HP lead on me. This classifies under, �Screwed!� Goldenrod stands up straight. GOLDENROD: (thinking) Time for some kick-butt moves� The Mercenaries charge side by side toward Goldenrod. Goldenrod puts up a thin shield of light around him to stop attacks while he prepares an attack. The Mercenaries slash at the shield, but it has no effect on Goldenrod. MERCENARIES: Maybe�we should run� GOLDENROD: Maybe is an understatement! Goldenrod powerfully swings his axe at them and releases a gigantic energy wave. MERCENARIES: *Eep* They both get caught it in, assuring damage to the real Mercenary. Mercenary loses 440 HP. Goldenrod loses 40 HP from the shock of the attack and the poison. AXEM MERCENARY: 20/600 AXEM GOLDENROD: 90/510 Mercenary�s illusion breaks and only one Axem Mercenary remains on the field. MERCENARY: Ouch�is it just me, or did you just use a Light based attack? GOLDENROD: Your second answer would be correct. MERCENARY: But you�re an Electric type! How is that possible? GOLDENROD: Just call me bilingual� Mercenary gets up slowly. MERCENARY: Not�good� Goldenrod shield from earlier falls. MERCENARY: Much�better� Goldenrod slams his axe into the ground for another earthquake. Mercenary jumps over the shockwaves and hits Goldenrod with a beam of darkness called Angel�s Bane. GOLDENROD: ? Goldenrod takes no damage from the attack, but loses 40 HP from the poison. AXEM MERCENARY: 20/600 AXEM GOLDENROD: 50/510 GOLDENROD: Man I�m sick of being poisoned�so, care to explain what you just did? MERCENARY: For some reason, I�m in a telling mood. Since you revealed that you�re also a Light type, that attack will allow my Shadow attacks to do double damage to you, which means� GOLDENROD: �I�ll lose more HP from your poison from now on. MERCENARY: Clever, huh? GOLDENROD: If you�re so clever, why didn�t you do that earlier? MERCENARY: �Uh, you should stop talking and try and take me down! The clock is ticking! GOLDENROD: (thinking) He�s right�but all I need is one attack and I win� Goldenrod throws his axe while firing a few Lightning Bolts. Mercenary uses his speed to avoid the attacks and smirks at Goldenrod. MERCENARY: Time for me to use another one of my abilities! GOLDENROD: Haven�t you already used enough? MERCENARY: With two and a half pages of Microsoft Word dedicated to Jamey�s computer of my stats, I have a long list to choose from! NOTE: True fact. And to think, I have to read these stats over and over just to pick one attack� The image of Axem Mercenary disappears. GOLDENROD: �Whoa�invisibility now� MERCENARY: (thinking) I told him I was clever! He shouldn�t mock my abilities from now on! Goldenrod loses 40 more HP from the poison. AXEM MERCENARY: 20/600 AXEM GOLDENROD: 10/510 GOLDENROD: The final stretch! I need to pull a winner! Goldenrod slashes frantically around the arena in search of Mercenary. Mercenary holds still. GOLDENROD: Curse it! Where are you?! MERCENARY: � GOLDENROD: Come on! Show yourself! MERCENARY: � Mercenary gets bored and lets out a small yawn. GOLDENROD: �Don�t think I didn�t hear that! MERCENARY: Ah, nuts� Goldenrod charges forward to Mercenary�s position. Mercenary tries to move, just to find his legs have fallen asleep. MERCENARY: Ah, nuts�wait, I just said that. Before Goldenrod could attack Mercenary, the poison takes effect and he loses the rest of his HP. Goldenrod falls to the ground, KO�ed. AXEM MERCENARY: 20/600 AXEM GOLDENROD: 0/510 MERCENARY: Whew! That was too close! END OF EPISODE FIVE |