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| Episode Eleven |
| Things Happen Because Stuff |
| On the last episode, the Battle Royal between all the contestants of the Tournament of Heroes finally came! Left and right, fighters were being knocked out of the ring, resulting in what I think is the shortest Battle Royal I�ve written! In the end, the last episode ended in �suspense,� with only Axems Aardvark and Mercenary standing. Who will win? Is this really the last episode of season three? What prizes will be won? Why should I tell you now! You have to read and find out, LOSER!!! -------------------------------------------------- AXEM AARDVARK: 221/601 AXEM MERCENARY: 275/600 Aardvark shoots a glare at Mercenary AARDVARK: (Thinking) I�m hungry�I wonder if we get fed after fighting� Mercenary shoots a glare at Aardvark. MERCENARY: (Thinking) I should be writing an episode of The Adventures of Jamey at the Kirby 64 Forum. Jamey would like that! :) AUDIENCE: They�ve been glaring for HOURS! Can we start throwing soda bottles yet? JAMEY: Who said you couldn�t? AUDIENCE: Oooh� JAMEY: Ah, crud� Mercenary points his axe at Aardvark and shoots shards of dark energy. Aardvark jumps out of the way and throws a few Energy Orbs. Mercenary slices them in half and throws his axe at the midair Aardvark. Aardvark blocks this and slams his fists into the ground, creating quick shockwaves around the arena. They are both caught in the attack. Aardvark loses 75 HP and Mercenary loses 85 HP. AXEM AARDVARK: 146/601 AXEM MERCENARY: 190/600 MERCENARY: Tch. Mercenary changes the arena�s scenery to nighttime. He charges in quickly and slashes at Aardvark, but hits nothing. MERCENARY: ? Wait, how do I even emote myself to make a question mark? AARDVARK: Hi! I�m behind you! MERCENARY: ? Hey, there I go again! Aardvark slams his tail into Mercenary�s back and loses 110 HP. AXEM AARDVARK: 146/601 AXEM MERCENARY: 80/600 Light returns to the battlefield and Mercenary is breathing hard. AARDVARK: You idiot! Aardvarks dwell at night! MERCENARY: Really? I should�ve paid attention in school then. AARDVARK: Wait�Axems go to school? NOTE: They do now! :) Mercenary shrugs. MERCENARY: Oh well. Time to use the only attack I haven�t used in my 2 pages on Microsoft Word worth of stats. AARDVARK: And I should let you�because? Aardvark charges in. MERCENARY: Um�I don�t really know. I really, REALLY should�ve paid attention in school. Mercenary splits himself into two Axem Mercenaries and sends the fake one to fight with Aardvark. AARDVARK: Curse it! Like in most stories, he�ll unleash his ULTIMATE ATTACK OF DOOM to destroy me! But if all stories are the same, I�ll live somehow! Mercenary sends some of his dark energy into the sky, creating dense storm clouds. AUDIENCE: Darn. We didn�t even pack our umbrellas. A lightning bolt strikes down near the Audience. AUDIENCE: Or rubber clothes. A small fire breaks out. AUDIENCE: Or fireproof vests. MERCENARY: Whoops, didn�t mean it! Several lightning bolts strike down and hit Aardvark. AARDVARK: Hey, this isn�t how it�s supposed to go. MERCENARY: Um, you�re supposed to be KO�d. AARDVARK: Oh. He falls to the ground, KO�d. AXEM AARDVARK: 0/601 AXEM MERCENARY: 80/600 JAMEY: And that�s it! The winner of the Battle Royal is Axem Mercenary! AUDIENCE: We don�t feel like talking right now. Oh wait, we are� COBALT, DRUID, and KEVER: ARG! What are we saying?! Jamey tosses Aardvark a Life Shroom, which automatically restores him. AXEM AARDVARK: 10/601 AARDVARK: Where�d that Evil Radish in the Audience go� AUDIENCE: Um�it was tasty� Aardvark walks back to the Contestant�s Building. Jamey takes out the Tournament Sign-Ups. JAMEY: According to your application, your primary desire is to increase your Defense, so� Jamey takes out a shiny crowbar. MERCENARY: *Gulp* JAMEY: I don�t think you have enough iron in your diet. Hehehe� Jamey whacks Mercenary on the head with the crowbar. Upon contact, it disappears and� Axem Mercenary�s Defense Stat increases by 1! AXEM MERCENARY�S DEFENSE: 5/10 MERCENARY: Whoa�that didn�t make much sense� JAMEY: Yeah well, nothing does! No one cares either. AUDIENCE: Darn straight, foo! :) Mercenary walks back to the Contestant�s Building. JAMEY: Ah, yet another season comes to a close� AUDIENCE: Thankfully� JAMEY: �So� AUDIENCE: Yeah� JAMEY: �Shall I sing the Barney Song like in the first season? AUDIENCE: If you do, we have plenty more Coke Bottles. JAMEY: Oh�then I guess I�ll send you off! AUDIENCE: Yay! JAMEY: Like always, drive safely, know what you�re taking before you eat, drink, or smoke it, and always, ALWAYS, watch out for stray dinosaurs on the way home. AUDIENCE: What about him? They point to Axem Count Chocula, who is, for some reason, hovering over the arena. COUNT CHOCULA: Blah! JAMEY: Just don�t eat his cereal. It�ll give you cavities� COUNT CHOCULA: No it won�t! It only has 70 grams of sugar in every quarter of a bowl! For no reason, Axem Lucky Charms flies in! LUCKY CHARMS: Not on my watch! You must battle my bigger marshmallows! JAMEY: Whatever. Just get the fudge out! The Audience gets up and leaves. AUDIENCE: Last time we ever come here�maybe� -------------------------------------------------- Back at the Contestant�s Building� Our camera zooms in on Axem Mercenary�s KO�d body after everyone is done beating it up. AXEM MERCENARY: 0/600 EVERYONE ELSE: Man, that felt GOOD! Let�s do it again! Peace revives Mercenary to full health. AXEM MERCENARY: 600/600 Everyone else clobbers him with their attacks and KO him again. AXEM MERCENARY: 0/600 Jamey walks in. JAMEY: �COOL! Can I join in? SNOW: Psh, you killed it! FIREBOLT: Now it isn�t cool anymore! BANGER: I like fighting�and pie. GOLDENROD: I think I�ve licensed both, �Fighting� and �Pie,� Sorry, you owe me a dollar. BANGER: At least I have my nightclub still open� PEACE: Wait, what were we talking about again? INFERNO: How peanuts have protein. FAST: Axem Fast knows they do because stuff. PEACE: Whoa, I understand now! Thanks, Fast! Here�s a quarter! Peace hands Fast a quarter. INFERNO: (Sounding like a robot) Good work, Fast. Here is also a quarter. Inferno hands Fast a fireproof quarter. FAST: Axem Fast is now rich! Everyone starts to empty out the Contestant�s Building. Cobalt and Druid joins them. COBALT: I still don�t know what I�m saying! I don�t even know what I�m saying about what I�m saying! DRUID: And I don�t know if that makes sense because I don�t know what I�m saying either! COUNT CHOCULA: Why am I still here? LUCKY CHARMS: Ditto to that! JAMEY: Because� Jamey pulls out his Moderator Knife. JAMEY: It�s stabbity time! EVERYONE ELSE BUT FAST: Cwazy kewl, fooz dawg! JAMEY: HEHEHE! And they all lived happily ever after�almost� THE END |
