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| Episode Ten |
| Just Desserts! |
| On the last episode, the Final Match had finally come, with Axem Mercenary and Axem Peace fighting in the battle of Light vs. Dark! Though it was clear that both of them had no real reason for fighting with the exception of a power-up, Peace ended up the Grand Heroine (Yeah, the last titles were a bit�yeah�)! Now that all the Tournament Matches are over, only two words describe the fate of the contestants: Battle Royal! -------------------------------------------------- Jamey wakes up at the sound of Coke bottles getting ready for launching. JAMEY: Ull�wha? He looks upon the arena to see Mercenary KO�d and Peace still standing. JAMEY: Oh. And the winner of this Tournament is Axem Peace! AUDIENCE: All right� COBALT: And you know what that means� KEVER and DRUID: Darn� They both slide Cobalt a few twenties. COBALT: Hehehe� PEACE: Oh yeah! I�m the greatest! Peace jumps on the Mercenary�s back and starts jumping and down. Mercenary barely springs back to life. AXEM MERCENARY: 1/600 Peace comes down hard on his back and he faints again. AXEM MERCENARY: 0/600 PEACE: Oh�maybe I should�heal him? Peace gets off Mercenary and heals him back to full strength. AXEM MERCENARY: 600/600 MERCENARY: Yeah, thanks for nothing! Mercenary walks back to the Contestant�s Building. Jamey walks up to Peace holding the Sign-up sheets. JAMEY: It says here you wanted to increase your Physical Attack, so� He pulls out a pie from behind his back. JAMEY: Power Pie, yo! :) PEACE: Pie is good� Peace takes it and runs back to the Contestant�s Building. AUDIENCE: Do we get the frog out now? JAMEY: Its FUDGE OUT and no! You�ll be trapped here for until the end of the Battle Royal! MWAHAHA! The exits are then closed off by steel doors. AUDIENCE: Gee whiz� KEVER: Whoa, what am I saying� -------------------------------------------------- At the Contestant�s Building� BANGER: Hehe, Mercenary got beat by a girl� MERCENARY: And you didn�t? BANGER: Of course I didn�t! NOTE: We got beat by Peace in Episode Four. FIREBOLT: The poor guy can�t remember what happened to him� INFERNO: Oh well, whatever. Not like he�d want to. AARDVARK: (With JAMEY�S BOOK OF COMEBACK JOKES) Well I don�t like you either! Peace runs in and hits the Heart Block. AXEM PEACE: 300/300 PEACE: I like pie� Peace starts eating her Power Pie. SNOW: Er�do we get any? PEACE: Why should you? SNOW: (Thinking) OK, she�s dead. GOLDENROD: So next is a Battle Royal with 8 at once�sounds like 6 too many. INFERNO: Then that would be a 1-on-1 battle. GOLDENROD: No really� Inferno thinks for nearly a minute. INFERNO: �Ooh, now I get it! Peace finishes her pie and lets out a big burp. With that burp, her Attack Rating increases by 1! AXEM PEACE�S ATTACK RATING: 8/10 BANGER: At least that soup didn�t have any flies in it. FAST: Axem Fast says, �Shut up, Banger!� FIREBOLT: When�d you get here? FAST: Axem Fast says, �Um�� -------------------------------------------------- Minutes later� Fast throws Aardvark out of the Contestant�s Building. AARDVARK: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! He lands on the arena platform alongside everyone else. FIREBOLT and INFERNO: How on earth did he throw us out? ???: BLAH HAHAHA! EVERYONE: ? Everyone looks up and sees an Axem that looks a lot like a vampire. ???: I am Axem Count Chocula! I will now force you all to eat my cereal and give you cavities! MWAHAHA! DRUID: Hey! Your name isn�t even approved! COUNT CHOCULA: (With JAMEY�S BOOK OF COMEBACK JOKES) More like your face needs approval! :) Druid throws his axe at Count Chocula. It hits him and he spills cereal. AUDIENCE: Yay? Count Chocula falls to the ground KO�d. AXEM COUNT CHOCULA: 0/50 EVERYONE: � FIREBOLT: Random� JAMEY: Well wasn�t that�odd. Anyway, it�s Battle Royal time, so let�s have a quick review of our fighters! AUDIENCE: Yay. JAMEY: There�s Snow, Aardvark, Firebolt, Inferno, Banger, Peace, Mercenary, and Goldenrod. AUDIENCE: Uh huh� COUNT CHOCULA: What about me? JAMEY: You�re supposed to be KO�d! COUNT CHOCULA: Oh yeah� AXEM COUNT CHOCULA: 0/50 The fighters take random sides of the ring for their starting points, with Peace being in the middle for winning the tournament. PEACE: Pie� JAMEY: OK fighters, ready�FIGHT! -------------------------------------------------- The Battle Royal begins. AXEM SNOW: 600/600 AXEM AARDVARK: 601/601 AXEM FIREBOLT: 666/666 AXEM INFERNO: 500/500 AXEM BANGER: 550/550 AXEM PEACE: 300/300 AXEM MERCENARY: 600/600 AXEM GOLDENROD: 510/510 NOTE: I�ll eliminate someone immediately for my pleasure :) Snow launches Snowballs, Aardvark shoots Energy Orbs, Firebolt shoots a few Firebolts, Goldenrod throws a Lightning Bolt, Peace throws a Light Sphere, and Mercenary throws a Dark Orb (25 HP attack cost). These projectile attacks aim directly at Inferno. INFERNO: Why me� Inferno tries to avoid them, but is still devastated by the combined blows. He gets knocked all the way back to the Contestant�s Building, KO�d. AXEM INFERNO: 0/500 JAMEY: Wow! And we don�t even have to remove his body for that! (Thank goodness too) AUDIENCE: Yay. Snow throws a Snowball at Peace. Peace slices this and fires a Light Sphere back at him. Snow jumps over it and nearly hits Firebolt. SNOW: I�ll save Jamey a lot of trouble by doing this! Snow makes the air around the stadium cold, and suddenly a huge avalanche falls on everyone, including the Audience. AUDIENCE: AH! NOT AGAIN! CONTESTANTS EXCEPT SNOW: SNOW, YOU MORON! SNOW: Um�wasn�t me? Because I�m too lazy to say who lost what, here�s what�s happened so far: AXEM SNOW: 500/600 AXEM AARDVARK: 351/601 AXEM FIREBOLT: 166/666 AXEM BANGER: 300/550 AXEM PEACE: 20/300 AXEM MERCENARY: 365/600 AXEM GOLDENROD: 250/510 GOLDENROD: Let�s kill Snow now! AARDVARK: Fine with me. FIREBOLT: Why should I? BANGER: Because all the cool kids are doing it! MERCENARY: How about we pick on the weak and annoying first? PEACE: Yes, let�s! Everyone else looks at Peace. PEACE: Hey, wait a second� Mercenary takes his revenge and slashes Peace. She falls to the ground, KO�d. AXEM PEACE: 0/300 A few of Jamey�s Underlings come and drag Peace off to the Contestant�s Building. JAMEY: Ah ha! I have Underlings after all! The fighting resumes. GOLDENROD: Wait, where were we� SNOW: (Thinking) Whew! FIREBOLT: How about we just beat the crud out of each other? BANGER: Sounds civilized to me! They start fighting randomly. Goldenrod shoots Lightning Bolts at Aardvark and Snow. Aardvark rolls out of the way but Snow takes a hit and loses 90 HP. AXEM SNOW: 410/600 Firebolt throws a Firebolt at Snow. Snow dodges out of the way and it hits Goldenrod in the back. Aardvark fires Energy Orbs in random places, but they only hit the Audience (AUDIENCE: Will there ever be a barrier installed?!). Mercenary uses Backstab on Aardvark while he�s off guard and he loses 70 HP. Banger engages Goldenrod, Firebolt, and Mercenary in random axe duels. He manages to slash Goldenrod twice (220 Damage) and Firebolt once (100 damage), but got slashed once by both of them (90 Damage) AXEM SNOW: 410/600 AXEM AARDVARK: 256/601 AXEM FIREBOLT: 66/666 AXEM BANGER: 210/550 AXEM MERCENARY: 365/600 AXEM GOLDENROD: 30/510 BANGER: All right! Now Goldenrod�s going to die! FIREBOLT: Good guess. Firebolt throws his axe at Goldenrod. Goldenrod dodges it and steps on one of Aardvark�s Energy Mines, which he hid secretly and no one managed to notice. Before fainting, Goldenrod throws two Lightning Bolts at Banger. AXEM GOLDENROD: 0/510 Banger fails to notice these and gets hit by both. He loses 220 HP. AXEM BANGER: 0/550 (Man, I�m killing off people fast :) ) Banger falls to the ground, KO�d. The fighting stops and more Underlings come and drag Goldenrod and Banger to the Contestant�s Building. JAMEY: Resume! AXEM SNOW: 410/600 AXEM AARDVARK: 256/601 AXEM FIREBOLT: 66/666 AXEM MERCENARY: 365/600 FIREBOLT: We�re still beating the crud out of random people, right? MERCENARY: If you want. AARDVARK: Psh, you and your randomness, Firebolt� SNOW: Hm�idea time� (Loudly) Hey Firebolt! Aardvark doesn�t like randomness! FIREBOLT: (Flaring up) Is that so�you are offending me� AARDVARK: Wha? FIREBOLT: I call on everyone to help me get rid of Aardvark for no good reason at all! MERCENARY: I�m down. SNOW: True dat! NOTE: Making fun of the �War� with the Pokemon Forum :) Everyone charges at Aardvark. AARDVARK: (Thinking) Jamey should change that line to everyone but me�wait, they�re charging at me� Suddenly, the light of day is extinguished and the area around the arena is completely darkened. MERCENARY: Heh, suckers� FIREBOLT: What the�Mercenary? SNOW: What in the-ACK! Snow is silently struck by Mercenary in different places. AARDVARK: Ooh, that looks bad� NOTE: Aardvark can see in the dark. The lights come back and Snow looks beaten up. He lost 240 HP. AXEM SNOW: 170/600 AARDVARK: Hehe, I�ll point and stare just for fun now. Aardvark points and stares at Snow. At the same time, Aardvark shoots out an Energy Orb. Snow ducks out of the way and throws a Snowball at Firebolt and Aardvark. Firebolt melts this with a Fire Sphere and Aardvark bats his away at Mercenary. Mercenary is taken by surprise and loses 70 HP. AXEM MERCENARY: 295/600 Snow charges toward Mercenary with his axe raised. Aardvark runs after Snow while firing Energy Orbs. Snow jumps up to let Mercenary takes the blows. Mercenary flips out of the way and sacrifices 50 HP to create an Orb of Abyss in his hands. Mercenary holds it up as it drains the HP from the Axems around him. AXEM MERCENARY: 315/600 AXEM SNOW: 160/600 AXEM AARDVARK: 246/601 SNOW: Aardvark, wanna run? AARDVARK: Why not? They start running away from the range of the Orb of Abyss, but Mercenary keeps following. MERCENARY: Why don�t you like me? Come back here! AXEM MERCENARY: 335/600 AXEM SNOW: 150/600 AXEM AARDVARK: 221/601 SNOW: All right, who gave him a 10/10 speed rating?! AUDIENCE: Not us! Don�t hurt us anymore! Mercenary charges in again, but steps on one of Aardvark�s Energy Mines again and loses 60 HP. He stops his Orb of Abyss too. AXEM MERCENARY: 275/600 AARDVARK: At times like this, I wonder where Firebolt is. They look for Firebolt, who�s standing in a corner with a brutally charged up attack. FIREBOLT: Hehehe� Dark flames start surrounding Firebolt. MERCENARY: Something about how he looks doesn�t please me. Firebolt extends both his arms. FIREBOLT: This will probably kill us all, but who cares? For the sake of randomness! A swirling black dragon blows out of his hands and launches itself toward Firebolt�s enemies. SNOW, AARDVARK and MERCENARY: Uh oh� Aardvark and Mercenary instinctively grab onto Snow�s arms and throw him toward the attack. SNOW: Gosh, I hate you two� Snow is engulfed by the attack and loses the rest of his HP. AXEM SNOW: 0/600 Firebolt collapses from using the attack. AXEM FIREBOLT: 0/666 MERCENARY: Now why would he use that attack if he were going to KO himself in the process? AARDVARK: For the sake of his constant randomness, I guess. MERCENARY: Well then� Mercenary turns with his axe raised. Aardvark does the same. AARDVARK: One of us will walk away a winner� AUDIENCE: Yay. Who will win? Why am I leaving you in suspense? Do peanuts have protein? Find out on the next episode! END OF EPISODE TEN |