Here. Have some humor.
Here's a dumb but funny joke I got from my cousin that I feel compelled to share with you:

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.

"Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners."

"Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money!" and she proceeded to close the door.

Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. "Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration."

And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet.

"If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder."

"Well," she said, "I hope you've got a darned good appetite, because the electricity was cut off this morning."

Business is picking up.
About a year ago, the company I'm currently making a website for part-time was going to get their website done by another person(s). But, she (the website designer) put the project off indefinitely while she gave birth to and raised her newborn. Mind you, she hasn't coded anything for them before she took her leave. But now, one year later, she wants to start working on it again. My client didn't bother to tell her that I was currently designing the site for them, so her services weren't necessary. Looks like my client's doing a little comparison-shopping, and I have some competition. wtf? I already have done significant work for them! Looks like a battle between David and Goliath, where I happen to be David (no company sites currently online for credentials) and she (she and her husband sold their web design firm to a larger company) happens to be Goliath.

Someone bring me my sling. It's go time.

Ouch, my back..
The title of this post is appropriately labeled as my damn back is killing me today. I think I did some serious damage to it at the gym last night while doing arm exercises. How I pulled my back exercising my arms is beyond me.

In any case, the real reason for the title is because of this news story. Some kid in Hong Kong died as a result of his heavy backpack! Now I can totally believe this because when I was in middle school my backpack must have weighed 25 pounds. Hey, that’s probably why I have back problems! I’ll sue! Sue me? SUE EVERYONE!

Here’s another cool article that describes the latest breakthrough in nano-computer technology. HP has found a way to make computers as small as a pin tip. Wicked cool. I want one in my brain!

Phrases that should be banned...
... for the good of America, from gay erotic literature.

This is something you probably may not want to click on at work.

Wil Wheaton is a funny guy.
And he has his own weblog, too.

More junk in the news
Let me spare you of wasting your precious time reading news at other sites. All you really need to know is down below. Seriously.

* Lesbian couples could have their own child with their own genes. The process, called haploidisation, creates "artificial sperm" from any human cell which can be utilized in ova fertilization. Wow, that's almost more crazy than creating silk from goat milk (see a few posts down). I also love the caption under the article's picture: "Adele and Dawn have volunteered for medical trials." By looking at their mugs, it's not surprising that they are medicine's guinea pigs... Ok, that was probably too cruel of me to say, but you gotta admit I'm right, huh?
* I was watching CNN Headline News yesterday and noticed that Somalians liked watching Americans die in Black Hawk Down. I'm starting to have flashbacks of when people in the Middle East were celebrating after hearing about the 9/11 incident. Bastards.
* 61% of Americans are fat. Sue someone because of it. Is Burger King and McDonald's to blame? Or maybe more people need to go to Subway as Jared fans? If I ever bulk up to, say, 350 pounds, and if I'm not an NFL defensive tackle, I'm gonna sue you! I learned it from watching you!

Yahoo's new business scheme?
I guess the whole porn thing didn't work out, and I'm "surprised" they aren't making a fortune from X-Cam referrals, I guess it's time for pay per search. Is $5 a month worth the price? Maybe if it was Google, sure. Then again, I lack relevant Yahoo-searching experience to make a judgement call.

Stupid test of the day
Ever wonder what your personality might taste like? If so, you might be a friggin' freak. But anyway, the folks over at Emode decided to create a useless test with little scientific backing to find out if you're akin to the taste of blueberry or perhaps dark chocolate.

Yum! You're vanilla. Pleasant, fresh, and comforting, you're as tasty as they come.

Yeah, I'm the zenith of all things flavorsome. But I'm telling you, I'm rotten to the core. *cues some George Thorogood music* Heh.

I don't get boxing.
It's probably the most hyped sport ever. And the big names like Tyson and Ali (back in the day) only fight like once or twice a year. And they also have to have press conferences months before their matches. And to increase the hype, fights have to break out during these conferences? What the hell is up with that? This farce is more poorly scripted than backyard wrestling. And at least "the champ" wrestles more than twice a year.

I win.
I've been playing lots o' 4-player Monopoly over at Playsite lately, and I've won the last six or seven times in a row. Oh, what's that? You don't care? I think what you really meant to say was, "Oh, Jerome! Please spare me of your heinous hotel fees and your superb diplomatic skills! You're so cool!" That's right... you don't want none of this, or else I'll make you fall to your knees as you go bankrupt from landing on Baltic Avenue, bitch. Your lights will go out faster than that mortgaged Electric Company you control. Me and my top hat token are taking the world by storm, motherfucker.

"Car 54, where are you?"
What a great way to start the day: waking up and walking around your room nude and/or near-nude only to later notice a state trooper outside your window. God knows how long he's been out there, too, since he was just in his car following a utilities truck as it went up the road, doing something to each telephone pole along the way.

I haven't eaten anything today, either, nor have I had anything to drink. And I don't have the urge to do either still. Hmmm, I must be on some sort of subconscious hunger strike. Yeah, that's it. *shrug*

So that's the story of my life for today. Pretty exciting, huh?

Let me make it up by giving you some useless links to stupid things:

* A haunted hard drive on eBay. Spooky.
* Lord of the Rings in Lego format. I wonder how long it took this guy to create Moria. Damn...
* Can advertising get any lower than this banner? No, I don't think it can. It's bad enough that they're trying to profit from the 9/11 disaster, but did they have to hire a 7-year old to create the animation?

The top two links were found at usr/bin/girl (clever name, btw) while the third was found in a MeFi thread.

I'll take the $20,000 phone, please
This is sick. This is disgusting. This is sick and disgusting. A cell phone that costs $20,000!!!??? What the hell is the purpose? I'll tell you one thing, this phone better cook me food and go to work for me for that kind of money. Damn.

AtG meets eBay
If anyone here would like a 32MB DIMM of Siemens (Infineon) PC66 SDRAM, you can have it for $5 shipping if I know you or kinda know you. Otherwise, make it $10. Either way, it's a steal, since you can find some on Pricewatch for $15-20 or you can go to the Hewlett Packard site and get it for $65. $65! For 32MB! If you thought that price was a rip-off, HP also sells a 64 MB stick of PC66 crap for a mere $205, too. Damn, and I thought Dell's upgrade prices were bad.

Or better yet, check out HP's price for a Celeron 400. You could get a decent budget computer for that price. FYI, you could get a Celeron 400 processor for about $35-40.

Crazy shiznit
There was a study released not too long ago that the Marines will soon be wearing new camouflage uniforms that have smaller splotches and rougher boundaries to make them even harder to find. Now, the army has figured out a way to make spider silk from genetically-altered goat's milk, which they could use to replace kevlar. Spider silk is some pretty rugged shit, but I wonder what kind of factors were in play when Mr. Labcoat Guy figured out that mutant goat milk could create bulletproof clothing. That, my friends, is messed up. I think Mr. Labcoat Guy should keep raiding the narcotics cabinet to find out what other crazy stuff he can make.

Maybe he could create something with all of the bull semen some Texan was stealing. If not, well, there may be a future bukkake series in the works.

*shudder*