One two three count!
So while I was trying to make the Aztecs my bitch instead of vice-versa, I heard an unusual sound on the other side of my room. It sounded "leathery," sort of like the sound of someone's trench coat brushing up against his or her jeans. It was kinda weird. I turned around expecting to see Superman dusting off his cloak. Instead, I was greeted by a dark flying mammal going mach 5 towards my face!

Looks like I had a bat with about a two-foot wingspan in my room. So, I did what any other rugged male like myself would do in this type of situation: I ran like a pussy out of my room and I went downstairs crying to my mommy. I must have jumped down half the staircase in my shameful rout. She was on the phone at the time. She was like, "What happened to you?" I was like, "I'd like to introduce you to my little friend."

I've had another bat moment in my youth. When I was about 10, I woke up in the middle of night to find a bat circling my room. Needless to say, I almost shit myself. I ran out of my room yelling and I closed the door behind me so the flying fucker of death wouldn't bite my ass while I went to wake up my parents. They sent in our two cats into my room and turned on the light and let the cats go at it for a bit. Then, they eventually got a broom or something and beat the hell of it. I don't know what they did, actually. I was too busy quivering in my sister's spare bed trying to figure out how a bat managed to get in my room. And, of course, I wondered if it would've bit me in the eye and give me rabies or something. Little kids' imaginations run wild, you know.

While my mother talked on the phone, I wondered how to purge my room of this avian evil. I went up the back stairs, shut the door behind me, and I walked really really slowly. As I entered a room or hallway, I turned on the light. Bats don't care for light too much. Eventually, I came across my fat cat in the hallway; he wanted to go downstairs. Well, I wasn't gonna grant him his wish. Instead, he became my protector and my weapon while I searched each room to find out if the bat has strayed.

Eventually, I got within two feet of my bedroom's doorway and the bat decided to fly out of my room, towards me. I just dropped my cat and I ran to the back stairway as if I was a stray antelope trying to escape from a cougar. I didn't know I could accelerate so fast in slippers. I eventually had the "strength" to go and find out where the bat went. I saw my cat hanging out next to the bat; he must have hit it while it was en route to my face. Unfortunately, my cat did not proceed to bite its head off like he does with every other wild mammal (he doesn't eat the bodies for some reason). He wanted me to go to him and pet him. I was like, fuck that. I wasn't sure if the bat was dead. It turned out not to be dead, 'cause once I got within ten feet of it, it flew back into my room. Damnit.

My mother was off the phone at this point. She came up and called me "chicken shit" and some other things as she readied up to properly dispose of the bat. We scoured my room for a while trying to find out where the bat was hiding. Unfortunately, we never found the bat. This all happened around six o'clock, mind you. My mom thinks that it decided to die in the radiator somewhere, since the cat might have messed it up good when he batted it down. This may be the case, since I scanned my room with a flashlight and I couldn't find it in any nook or cranny. So, I think I'm safe.

Unless I get awakened tonight to find it circling my room...

The sex and the Halloween
I managed to get a hold of Civ III yesterday. Needless to say, I was consumed by its infectious addictive nature and was unable to post yesterday. I was too busy trying to figure out how to stop being the Aztecs' bitch. I'm still figuring it out, too. Those friggin' bastards have some special unit that can attack and then flee in mid-battle or something, and I can't hunt them down 'cause I don't have any horses in my country. I also ran out of saltpeter, so I can't build any more musketeers than I already have. Damnit.

There are quite a number of neat Halloween stories popping up on your typical news sites, huh? Personally, I enjoy this kid's costume. It takes quite a bit of sack to do something like that in school.

There's also nothing better than a haunted house that scares people with STD's. Who wants to be scared by witches and ghouls when a picture of gonorrhea-infected organs can do?

Anyone ever play a game... no, has anyone even heard of a game named Cho Aniki - Bakuretsu Rantou Hen? If not, you may want to check out a review on it. It looks, uh, "good."

We're all gonna die.
Back in the day, I used to be into astronomy. I remember back when I was a young'un that I got telescope for Christmas and I remember going outside and looking at shit during the cold winter months. I even recall my fourth grade science fair project having to do with the night sky and constellations. And in fifth grade, I partnered up with Joe Leroux and we did something about the inner planets. We ended up getting third place or something in our category. It was cool. I also remember doing something about solar energy with Eric Poutre in eighth grade, and this bitch named Ms. Eppig gave us a "D" on it. Oddly enough, we ended up getting a fourth place ribbon for our work. Shows what she knows, the harlot. Ah, good times...

But anyhoo, there seems to be something neat happening up into the celestial skies that folks over in the eastern United States can partake of. It will be raining death from the skies as over 2,000 meteors will be seen in under an hour. For comparison's sake, the "impressive" Perseids shower has meteors appear at a rate of 80 per hour. So, needless to say, it's apparent that it is the end of the world as we know it. Such an event only happens about every 200 years, and it probably won't happen again after 2099.

So, make sure you aren't too drunk on Sunday morning, the 18th. Go outside between 4 and 6 in the morning, freeze your ass off, and brace yourself for a celestial Armageddon.

Sometimes it pays off to live in a hick town like me, eh? No streetlights or smog to obscure the view. Of course, if it rains, I'm fuxx0r3d.

Hooray for computers.
A while back, I mentioned something about a video with Athlons burning out and smoldering while the tested Pentium chips remained intact. However, all Athlons aren't likely to burn away into nothingness. If you have one of the fancy Palomino-based chips (i.e., Athlon XP's) and an appropriate motherboard (one that recognizes the chip's thermal diode), they will... uh... do something else instead. I'm not sure what, though, since I think I need Windows Media Player 7 to play this video. And there's no way I'm installing that hunk of crap.

In other computer news, could Counterstrike be the next spectator sport? Beats me. Probably not. I don't understand the appeal of this game. Well, I do understand why people play it (any excuse to blow up virtual objects is a good thing), but I don't understand why many people behave like rats on cocaine over it. It's insanely more popular than any other FPS out there. And it's like three years old. :p Personally, if I was to watch a video game on TV, I think I'd like to see a great Tribes 2 clan match instead... Hey does anyone remember when ESPN2 aired some Magic: The Gathering tournament a few years back? I bet that was fun to watch. Not.

Speaking of which, I need a new game to help kill some time. I think Civ III is out now, but I don't think it shipped with multiplayer capabilities. It's bad enough that Civ III could totally take over my life, but if I can't waste an entire weekend playing it with someone else, what's the point? I'm also tempted to play some MMORPG while I wait an eternity for Shadowbane to come out, like Dark Age of Camelot or Asheron's Call: Dark Majesty. I have friends in DAoC and I'm sure I have a former roommate still playing AC. Too bad I'm not inclined to play $13 a month plus $50 for DAoC if I intend to leave the game in six months' time. And while I'm familiar with AC and since the expansion is only $20 and comes with a free month's play, I don't like the fact that every single new quest has already been discovered and solved (the expansion has been out for what... two days now?), the whole game is just one giant loot fest (no item decay), and PvP is a joke. Hmmmph.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.
Hopefully, you'll get the presents you were hoping for. If not, well, St. Patrick's Day is right around the corner!

Don't underestimate the squeegee
I was looking for other weblogs that may be worth reading when I came across this article over at Chicken Soup Laced With Cyanide. I'm telling you, people have some creative site names nowadays. But anyways, about this squeegee: apparently, some guys stuck in an express lift in the WTC North Tower were able to pick their way through with the metal end of two squeegees (they lost the first squeegee down the elevator shaft). And, with five minutes to spare, too!

Right about now, I'd post a picture of a squeegee in some Captain America garb, but I can't seem to find such a picture. I can't even find a good pic of a squeegee, let alone a heroic-looking one. Not like my Photoshop skills could help me out in this situation... What the hell am I talking about? God damnit, Jerome, stop your friggin' rambling. *slaps self* Jackass.

People are stupid.
Got a long-overdue haircut today. My hair looks like its way too short now, although it's not any shorter than when it normally gets cut. This may have something to do with the fact that my fro was way way way too long before I got it cut. My grandmother thinks I look like I got a prisoner's haircut. She's so sweet. (Bitch.) No one else seems to like it either. Bah. Screw them all.

* Spam = good for business? According to this survey, over 82% of those polled bought something online because of an email they received. Interesting. I hope that doesn't mean that I'll be getting more spam because of this survey. What I would really like to know is how many online purchases these people have made because of spam they got, and compare that number to the amount of spam they have received over the past year. I bet it is the ratio is like 1 in 100,000. Unless we're dealing with new computer users that like to watch QVC, of course.

* Hey! Let's make the moon red! This is probably dumber than that candlelight vigil people tried to do because of the WTC attack, saying that NASA was going to take a picture of all of the candlelight beaming into space. Right... because candles are bright enough to escape our atmosphere... I don't think laser pens are gonna cut it, either.

* Let us not forget the link from yesterday with the chick and her 4runner. Need I say more?

And finally, how about a Taiban joke?

Q: What is Osama Bin Laden going to be for Halloween?
A: He's gonna be dead.

Yeah, it's lame. Sue me. I didn't make it up.

Pretty pictures
Want some pictures? Well, I got some.

I found this over at Blues. Check out the full name on the envelope. Then, think about it. Get it? I bet Mr. Ahs really did order the software, too. :p

Rule #1: DO NOT PUMP GAS THIS WAY! Several things are wrong with those pictures. First, the driver is a woman. Second, she has a cell phone. Third, well... how the hell do you pull off a stunt like that without knowing about it until it's too late? Damn.

Here's a story about ASCII art. It's written mostly in ASCII art, too. Some of the art is really cool, although it makes you wonder why people wasted so much time making these pics.

Looking for a nice piece of Arabian ass? Say no more! Taliban Singles Online is here for you!

Weekend at Jonny's
Jon wants me to write something up about my wonderful trip to his place outside of New York City and our great experiences in Manhattan. Unfortunately, there isn't really much to say. There wasn't anything out of the ordinary that happened. It wasn't the first time I have been in New York City, either, so I can really say that I was blown away by the liveliness of the city and all of the skyscrapers and whatnot. Maybe I can bullshit something, though, for the sake of making this post worth reading. I doubt I can, though, especially since I don't feel like typing something up. I'm such a lazy bastard. Instead, maybe I'll just write a bunch of bulleted points, sort of like my fun facts of spring break:

* At night, don't make eye contact with the people of Jon's city, New Rochelle. You're likely to get sprayed full of lead.
* Jon had a piece of plastic from his shoe jabbing his foot for most of my stay.
* Stereophonics opened for U2. There was no Garbage. No Doubt wasn't there, either. Hum.
* Stereophonics was a decent opener until we realized every song was the same song.
* I made it from Brattleboro, VT to New Rochelle, NY to Springfield, MA on a tank of gas. That's five hours of driving. Bring it.
* There was a lot of American and New York pride at the concert.
* U2 had two encores.
* Jon loves his new car.
* I forgot my jacket, but I still survived in the cold, windy night.
* I wondered if I would get sick if I stayed in the subway long enough.
* Jon wanted to make sure that WWF New York got trashed in this post. The food was unremarkable.
* There was a hot chick one row in front of us that made the show worth the $96.
* On the other extreme, some gay guys were sipping each other's beers through straws at the concert.
* The Big Show and Andre the Giant don't have small hands.
* The Hurricane kicks ass. "What's up with that?" Hehe.
* We saw a white Ferrari cruising down the highway.
* I want one of those multi-story skyscraper video walls to replace the TV in my bedroom.
* There are a lot of Volkswagens, Audis, and other not-so-cheaply-priced cars north of New York City. Go figure.
* We drove through Frank's town.
* Movie quote: "Oh shit!" "Yes."
* It gets dark really quickly now that Daylight Savings Time is over.

So there you go.

Josh is funny 2 but Jarrod is funnier
This conversation was about the fact that Jarrod bought an old Jeep with an older Buick engine which is kinda funny. Plus its turning out to be a hunk of crap. Plus he traded in his Camaro to get it. Plus he paid money.

Josh: CNN says you should telecomute, it is less deadly than going to work
Josh: plus you can code in the nude!
Me: ok
Me: dde
Josh: dde?
Me: what is up with J-Rod?
Me: dude
Josh: ummm
Josh: hes gay? I don't know.
Me: how's his jeep doing?
Josh: we fuct it up bad this weekend
Josh: ..well not we..but him
Me: oh? how?
Josh: first we totally bent the hell out of his windshield hinges, then we snapped of 2 bolts and lost 3 nuts inside the windsheild frame
Me: HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH
Me: why and how?
Josh: basically to put in $ 25 worth of radio and speakers we caused about 500 worth of damage
Josh: ummm
Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Josh: well to put in his speakers you have to pull off the dash board but to do that you have to undo the safety bolts inside the jeep and then the windshiel issupposed to fold down(like a door, hence the hinges)
Me: dude
Me: that is a comedy of errors
Josh: but becuz his jeep is budget the windshield wasnt folding, so we leaned into it and it folded, so we thought, but in actuality the hinges remained in place, but we bent the steel part of the hinges where they are bolted to the windshield
Me: HAHAHAHAHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Me: you guys rock
Josh: so we bend it back up and decide to just take the hinges off and take the windshield off and do it like that
Me:5dude, I am sitting here in my office by myself laughing my ass off
Josh: well the bolts were coroded and covered with paint cuz whoever painted it just sprayed the entire jeep, so we had to drill out 1 bolt and I snapped another off..
Josh: but finally we got the hinges off
Me: oh my god
Josh: mind you we havent even thought about the dash yet
Josh: the dash was a mess too
Josh: all of the electronics in his car are like connected with wire nuts and electric tape...real quality stff
Josh: the computer that came from the buick to control the engine, yeah its duct taped to the underneath of the dashboard
Me: dude, is he ready to scrap that hunk of junk yet or what??
Josh: and all of his wires come together in one of those boxes that you put outlets and switches in..
Josh: ok so we take off all the bolts to the dash....
Josh: and guess what...
Josh: the dash wouldnt move
Me: hahah
Josh: so we fuck with it for a while and then jarrod say..ok all we gotta do is pull up cuz it is just caught on one hook...at this point i am like 'I don't believe it is that easy'
Josh: in my mind I am going, 'dude, I know this is gonna get fucked up'
Josh: guess what, it did
Me: HAHAHAHHA dude
Me: I am laughing out loud, and people are wondering wht the fuck is going on with me
Josh: we pulled up gently, and ripped like 11 screws out of the dash board...but the dash is finally able to slide forward some so we can get at the speakers..i rrmind you this is about 2 hours of fairly intesive labor here for 25 dollar speakers
Me: dude, this is is going on AtG
Josh: ok so we take the old speakers out and the new ones go in, and the one on my (passenger side ) works like a charm but the driver side makes no sound
Josh: so Jrod looks underneath the dash and says 'well it goes from 2 wires to 4 wires, then it is electrically taped to some more wires, then it is in some ort of ill fitting harness'
Josh: so I am like, well thats not too bad cuz I have done some weird stuff to car stereos, then the other shoe falls, jarrod concludes by saying 'in the first 3 inches....'
Me: DUDE
Me: toooooooo funny
Josh: Im like what the fuck...i look under there, its like edward scissorhands and gary the retard did the wiring
Josh: so I am like, you are fucked, it is gonna take you 2 weeks just to figure out how the hell the wire is fuct and how to fix it..so we put everything back, and it is relatively smooth...
Me: R-E-D
Josh: except for the fact that the windshield is now about 6 inches forward of where the roll bar is, and so we muscle it back into place and i hold while Jrod bolts it down, but somehow the fucking windshelid is way off alignment so the bolts are going in at about a 30 degree angle as opposed to straight in, I am like whatever, we can fix it when we put the new hinges on.
Josh: so all thats left is to bolt the remaining bolts back to the hinges and the windshield will be done and we can put the top back on
Josh: so we go to put the bolts in, and Jrod bolts his 3 remaining in and it is my turn to bolt down the three remaining bolts on my side (there shouldbe 4 but we lost one on each side)
Josh: so i go to bolt mine in... and the nuts that are tack welded to the inside of the windsheild frame arent there...they all snapped off...
Josh: so on the passenger side ther are like 3 of the seven bolts that shoud be there...
Me: the tacks that hold the hings to the windshield?
Josh: thats when i went away
Me: did you kick and punch shit?
Josh: no
Josh: i didnt, its not my vehicle
Me: yeah, but ou could hpunched the wlal
Me: lets try that again: yeah, but you could have punched the wall
Josh: to hold the bolts (which hold the hinges and the frame of the windsheild together) are recieved by nuts that are just tack welded to the insideof the frame...and apparently I am super jacked and me and jrod busted them all
Josh: so thatws the story of that
Josh: we didnt even get to putting any of the parts that he actually needs into the jeep, we just put in the speakers
Josh: i think that is the most I have ever chatted in 20 mins, i mean density wise

Josh is funny
The following conversation occurred in reference to this post:

Me: dude, you are having withdrawal
Josh: from?
Josh: buttsex?
Josh: Birthdays was the worst days now we sip champagne when we thirsty
Me: what?
Josh: Notorious BIG - Juicy
Me: oh
Me: you having withdrawal for that drug they gave you for your ribs
Josh: nah
Me: you having withdrawal from hanging out with cool people like me?
Me: did you read my story about the yanks game?
Josh: back in the day I would take 3 perks and drink a fifth of vodka..that would fuck you u
Josh: yeah its cool
Me: just wondering if you caught the reference about rich roommates ;-)
Josh: no..i did not know who you were talking about, I don't know of any rich roomates!
Me: hahah
Josh: does he read your pagE?
Me: no idea
Me: but I made it kind of subtle
Me: I doubt he does
Me: plus he doesn't have the attention span to read a story that long
Josh: it was not subtle at all
Me: haha
Josh: how many of us had our parents do our laundry?
Me: I am king subtle, what are you talking about?
Me: well, I could have a roommate right now who has his parents do their laundry
Josh: subtle like a multiple orgasm

Halloween stuff
With this Halloween link, you can build your own monster. I thought it was neato.
Then there is this flash movie/game celebrating the 'trick' side of trick or treating. Thanks to CHodges.

Go D'Backs!